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Is that a yes?It’s like I can hear him snarling the words in his commanding voice.Do you want me to come?
I could still back out, telling him he better hold off, better wait…
But what are we waiting for, exactly?
He’s already agreed he’s not going to try and go all the way tonight. My whole body and mind are buzzing at the thought of seeing him… except for the mean voice telling me I’ll somehow embarrass myself, somehow ruin it.
Can I listen to that voice forever?
Yes, I do. Here’s my address….
I attach it to the text, then close my eyes tightly, forcing myself to count to ten.
I get to four, and then my phone vibrates.
I’ll be right there.
I spring up, quickly moving around my bedroom, doing my best to tidy everything away. Suddenly, I’m far more aware of the thin carpet, the old wallpaper, and how rundown everything is.
I can’t imagine Eli judging me for where I live, but it doesn’t stop the shame from niggling.
Finally, I take a quick shower and change into clean clothes, standing in front of the mirror and staring at myself.
I see a curvy woman with red cheeks and wide eyes.
I try to imagine Eli standing behind me, ignoring that mean voice that tells me it doesn’t fit. A man as tall, handsome, and successful as him would never want me.
My phone goes off.
I’m downstairs. Which apartment are you?
Hang on,I reply.I’ll come down and let you in. The automatic door thing is broken.
My legs are trembling as I walk toward the door.
There’s still time to turn back. What if he laughs at my dress? What if he goes back on his word and tries to take it all the way?
What if, what if, what if….
I walk quicker, deciding I won’t live inwhat ifland tonight.
I’ll focus on the good instead like I get to spend time with my man, get to kiss him, be held by him, even if he doesn’t know he’smy man.
We haven’t outright said it, though we’ve come close, hints that have my heart expanding with the promise of love.
CHAPTER16
Elias
My hand is on the small of her back, bare inches from her ass, as we walk up the stairs.
I didn’t expect her to be wearing this form-hugging dress, highlighting her curvy hips, her naked thighs so thick and inviting I have to focus not to slip my hand lower, to squeeze onto her perfect body.
She looks up at me when we reach her door, smiling shakily.
“It’s not the Ritz,” she says.
I lean down, kissing her cheek, tasting her, and inhaling her scent greedily. It’s shampoo and just her, nothing else, a unique smell that has my balls swelling with urgent imperative to claim her.
