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***
Alec and I agreed to meet at quarter to eleven for the scan, and even though I’m late, I don’t stress or rush. The scan appointment is for eleven. I stroll into the building at two minutes to eleven, deriving a little pleasure from knowing Alec is stewing.
When I see him pacing the hallway in front of the scanning room, all thoughts leave my brain, and all I can think about is how handsome and sexy he is. He’s dressed in a white button-down shirt tucked into grey slacks.
He turns when he hears footsteps, and a wary look comes over his features. The change in his facial expression reminds me of the previous night, and my chest squeezes with pain.
“Hi,” he says when he gets closer.
“Hi.” I stop, and we stare at each other.
His gaze drops to my belly before returning to my face. “Are you ready?”
This should be a special moment. The first time we see our child. Instead, all I feel is animosity and resentment. I nod curtly. He gestures at me to go first. Cold bastard. He has had time to think about his mother’s behavior, and he obviously still doesn’t believe that she wronged me.
I march to the door and yank it open. I say all the right things to the sonographer, but I’m too upset to pay attention. However, when I lie down on the bed, and the sonographer spreads a cold gel on my belly, my anger dissipates, and the excitement of seeing my baby returns.
As the sonographer rubs the scanning device over my belly, an image of our baby appears on the monitor. At first, all I can see is a lot of black and white, sort of like a badly drawn map.
“Here is the baby,” the sonographer says and points to a blot on the screen.
At the same time, a thumping noise fills the room, and joy swamps me when I recognize it as the sound of our baby’s heartbeat.
I turn to Alec, and we exchange wary smiles. My chest squeezes painfully. I’ve been lying to myself that we are something more than we are. We’re not a couple in love seeing their baby for the first time. We are two strangers thrust together by circumstances neither of us chose.
Suddenly, I can’t wait to get away from Alec and the scan room. I request two copies of the ultrasound pictures and hand one to Alec when we reach outside.
“Thanks for coming,” I tell him pleasantly.
He frowns and nods.
“I’ll see you around.” I wave as I quickly hurry toward the rear of the building where my car is parked.
Alec doesn’t follow. More evidence that to him, I’m just the vessel carrying his child. I’m in tears by the time I get into my car, and I don’t know why. All I know is that seeing Alec has left me feeling a hundred times worse than I felt before. I hate that he has that effect on me. I need to get away. Leave the city. Go somewhere to reflect on things and just figure out the future. I feel confused, sad, and vulnerable.
On the drive home, I know just where to go: Florida. I’ll visit my parents and take that opportunity to tell them about the baby. The thought of endless walks on the beach during my writing breaks fills me with excitement. My despondence lifts, and by the time I get home, I’m grinning like an idiot.
I call my mom, and she answers the call just as I’m about to give up.
“Hello, stranger,” she says, and guilt bubbles up inside my chest. My mom has called me a few times, and each time, I text her and promise to call back, but I never do.
“Hi, Mom, sorry I haven’t called in a while,” I start to say.
“Don’t worry about it, sweetheart. I’m just happy to hear your voice.” She lets out a happy laugh. “Besides, your father and I have been pretty busy. We joined a local golf club, and we love it. Who would have thought?”
I let out a giggle at the thought of my parents playing golf. “Oh, Mom, I’m so happy for you guys. Nobody deserves it as much as you two.”
“Thank you, sweetheart.”
“I have some news,” I tell her. “And I want to tell you in person.”
“Oh, Ivy,” my mom gushes. “Have you met the one? When are you coming?”
My mom is a hopeless romantic and a big believer in marrying the one. So was I. Now I am not so sure. Alec floats into my mind, and I shake off the image.
“I can’t wait to show you off to all our new friends,” she says. “Your father will be so excited.”
Her obvious excitement is catching, and I suddenly realize how much I’ve missed her.
