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Mom didn’t hesitate to bombard me with questions, not even about my job offer but about Ryan, Ryan, Ryan.
“He’s not who I thought he was, Mom. Just drop it, please.”
“I think you probably acted on impulse. You do that all the time. You are so prepared and work yourself up to do all these things until it’s time to do it, then you back out like you hadn’t put so much effort in already.”
I groaned. This was not the conversation I wanted to have right now. “Ryan isn’t a job offer, Mom. And you’re talking about me doing things for my future. I’m not going to do it if it’s not right.”
“How do you know what’s right if you do nothing at all, hmm? You almost didn’t go to this conference, remember?” She eyed me through her peripheral, but I ignored it. “I told you it would be fun, but you didn’t want to go because you didn’t have enough experience.”
“Because I don’t. There were so many people there further along in their careers than I am.”
“You wouldn’t have had that experience if you didn’t go. Do you regret going now?”
“Yes. I definitely regret going now.”
“Oh, Christie. You’re a drama queen.”
I banged my head against the headrest until she smacked me and told me to stop. I hated arguing with her because it always ended on her terms. Even if she didn’t get her point across.
“What about that job?”
Now she wanted to ask?
“I didn’t get it.”
“What, did you turn that down, too?”
“Mom!”
Her shoulders rose since her hands couldn’t do that exaggerated shrug for her. “What? I’m just asking. You went to the interview, right? Why didn’t they hire you?”
I faced the road, watching the cars in front of us zoom ahead because my mom refused to go the speed limit. Ever. “Yes, I went to the interview. It wasn’t the interview that was the problem. Well, you know what, it was.” I recalled the informal questioning and stupid attempts to charm me. I wished I saw through that sooner. “Andrew asked questions that were noncommittal and simple. It was as if he wasn’t ever planning to hire me in the first place.”
“Why would he interview you then?”
“Just to get his way.”
A chill covered my skin, and I replayed the words to find any way they could be heard as vaguely as I’d intended. When my mom just looked at me expectantly, though, I wondered if she’d heard me at all.
“What?”
She pressed her lips into a thin line, then looked ahead at the road.
“What?”
“Christie, are you telling me a rich, handsome man hit on you, so you turned down a job?”
An ocean of emotions flooded my body, and the resulting “I’m sorry?” that left my mouth held more than enough attitude for my mom to decide her ridiculous comment warranted expounding on.
“A little flirting won’t hurt you. Come on. Are you trying to tell me you didn’t think he was a cutie? Didn’t you mention that he was?”
“Mom, that’s not even—”
“And how do you think you’ll get anywhere if you’re sensitive about who likes you and who doesn’t? So what? You know how to do the job, so why not flirt a little and show him you can do it while you’re at it? It’s a dog-eat-dog world, Christie. You gotta live with it. If your pretty face gets him to notice you, let him, then slap him in the face with how smart you are, and that’ll take you the rest of the way.”
She actually believed what she was saying. She really thought it was okay to use my looks to advance in life.
“I mean, really. Look around. Do you remember living in shambles? I dated my boss. I told you about him. He gave me a raise, and I didn’t even ask for it. Three times at that job, I got raises higher than what I requested. You never saw me complain. And my bonuses? Remember our first car? Michael bought that one. Remember him? Oh, he was so sweet. I didn’t work for him, though.”
