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“Everything’s fine,” I said when I realized I’d been thinking more about Andrew and not about how to respond. “He was there, but it was fine.”
I almost gasped when Ryan took my hand from across the table. He cupped it within both of his, and my body flooded with the steady beat of my heart. “Please, Christie. I know we just met, but please don’t shut me out.”
I pulled my hand from his grasp and hoped I could exhale enough breath that it would cool down the heat from my face. “What? I, I’m not. I just—”
“We have feelings for each other. Tell me that it was just sex.”
“That doesn’t matter,” I said, still at war with the hormones flashing and fluttering throughout my stomach.
“Why?”
For a second, I managed to meet his gaze. “Because you’re with Darlene, Ryan.”
“What? Who said Darlene and I were getting back together?”
A flicker of understanding lit behind his eyes, but I still responded. “I was there. All three of us, actually. I was the ghost beside you two. You guys are amazing together. You already make sucha great team. Me?” I slapped my hands flat against my chest. “You just met me. I’m a nobody. We had sex, and that’s all it was. And that’s okay. I appreciate lunch, but after this, you are not obligated to do anything for me. I promise.”
“Christie, that’s not fair.” Ryan had propped his hands against his fists and shut his eyes. The waitress brought our meals, and I started on the sandwich so I wouldn’t feel more awkward than I did already. Ryan didn’t move or speak, and after a few more bites of my sandwich, I wondered if I could just get up and go.
Finally, he opened his eyes.
“You okay?” I wasn’t sure what else to say.
“I’m trying. Really hard.” His pleading gaze tore into my heart, and I swallowed slowly. “I was always so afraid of screwing up, of doing the wrong thing, that I almost lost my son.” He picked up his fork, then seemed to remember he ordered a sandwich, so he set it down. “I don’t want you to do the same thing. Not when you want something else.”
“Are we talking about work, or...” I knew how inconsiderate that sounded, but I truly wasn’t sure how to respond otherwise.
“Work. Us.” He shook his head. “Both.”
“Well, I’m trying to make the job work. I want to enjoy it.”
“What are you scared of?”
“What?”
He moved his plate out of the way and rested his chin on his fist again. “Are you scared that I’d leave you for Darlene?”
Back to the feelings thing again. “I’m not scared of that.”
“But you don’t want to be with me.”
“You never even asked me to be with you.”
“Well, would you?”
I sighed. “Ryan, you’re not available. You can’t ask that question when I’m up against your son’smother. You want to know what I’m scared of? I’m scared of making the wrong choice. I’m scared of staying with my mother and never getting out again. I’m scared of taking this job and turning into a stone-cold rock that just lives to work without any real joy because it was taken from me by someone who made it their mission to make my life miserable.”
“Is that what he’s doing?”
“Who?”
Ryan’s face darkened, and it drove a chill through my body. “Is Andrew doing that to you?”
I shrugged, realizing I should have chosen my words a lot more carefully. “No, not really. I don’t know that he’ll do anything. He may just let it go and move on with his life as I should with mine.”
“And if he doesn’t? Will you quit?”
I opened my mouth to answer, but the words didn’t come out. Yes, I would. Wouldn’t I? I felt uncomfortable today, yet I did nothing.
