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Ryan took wide steps across the room and spun me by my waist. My mouth opened in a gasp, but he swallowed the breath with his mouth, sealing it with his lips fitting perfectly around mine. I melted into his arms and leaned into his embrace. My arms found purchase around his shoulders, and our kiss moved slowly. His tongue explored my mouth with the most tender of questions, and without another reason to turn away, I gave in completely.
When he finally walked out the door, the ghost of his lips remained. Unable to help myself, I touched my mouth as if to make sure his lips weren’t still there. This was a new world he and I were exploring. It was a wonder how I’d come to get on this ride. But now that I’d chosen to take it on, I wasn’t sure I’d ever want to get off.
I hadn’t called Mom and decided I should, but I struggled with what I’d say. As much as I was still frustrated with her remarks on my job, I still wanted her advice. If I did quit so soon, would it reflect poorly on me, or would it matter at all? I pulled up my call log and swiped at her name, halting all questions until I at least heard her thoughts.
“Well, it’s about time, isn’t it?” she answered by way of greeting.
I rolled my eyes, remembering once again why it was so hard to talk to her in the first place. “Hey, Mom.”
“What’s up, sweetie?”
“Quite a bit, actually, but can you avoid rubbing anything in my face?”
“Now that’s a ridiculous thing to say, Christie. Why would you start a conversation like that?”
The same reason you’d start a conversation with “Well, it’s about time,”I thought but swallowed those words and chose a little more wisely. “I just need some advice, but I don’t want you to push me to make a decision. I just want to know what you think based on who you know me to be.”
Mom was quiet for a while, but usually, that meant she was actually listening. Good news for what I wanted to say.
“I just don’t want to regret my choices, you know? Even if you had chosen differently, you know me better than anyone, and I’m struggling with what I want for my future and for myself.”
“Well, what are you talking about? Let’s start with that. I can’t help you if you get all metaphorical on me.”
So I told her about Andrew. Not the vague version from before. I told her everything and topped it off with his silent but large presence in the hours I was there. At first, she told me I was probably overreacting, but after I finished ranting, her tone changed. “It’s not that I think you should ignore it, Christie. That’s not what I’m saying.”
“Well, what are you saying then?”
“I just want you to make sure you’re not constructing this view of him based on something he did on your date.”
“It wasn’t a date, though, Mom,” I stressed, pressing my palm against my forehead. “But okay, let’s go with that, then. If I hadn’t met him before my first day...”
What would I have felt? A stranger, eyeing me from across the room. I may have wondered if he was measuring my worth. I was a new investment of sorts, so that would have made sense. But when I thought about how often he made his presence known, the first thing that came to mind was that look. It wasthelook, I realized, the predator watching prey, waiting for that moment when he could strike again. It was the same look he had on that night at the bar. I couldn’t dismiss that. I just couldn’t let it go.
“I don’t know, Mom. I just... I don’t think I can feel comfortable there.”
“Then you know what you need to do.”
“But what if it’s a mistake?”
“What if staying is a mistake? You seem so unsure, but sweetie, you have to make a choice, and you have to be content with that decision. If you stay and regret it, you can only blame yourself, but you’re still at the starting line. You still have the option to stop before you get too far to turn back.”
I nodded. “Then I’ll have to be content with that choice, too.”
“And if that means you moving back home, don’t think you won’t find another opportunity down the road. I know you’ve been trying to get out of here, but I miss you when you’re gone.”
“Oh, Mom.” My eyes watered, but I blinked away the tears. “You know I love you, right?”
“Yes, I know. I know you’re just trying to grow up. I want what’s best for you, Christie.”
Tears dripped down my cheeks, and I tried to swallow the newly formed knot in my throat. “Yeah,” I rasped.
“Now, what about that man? The one with your phone? Ryan. Have you asked him for a job?”
“Mom!”
“What?”
A knock on my door kept my response in my throat. “I gotta go.”
