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A tear ran down Ares’ face. In the hundreds of years I’ve known him, I rarely ever saw him frown or cry. He removed his shoes and climbed into bed, embracing Diana. “Little Goddess I’m so sorry, I should have stayed with you and protected you.”
“Ares, it’s okay. I told you I could handle him, and I was wrong. Mal is your friend, and you trusted him. It’s not your fault.”
“I cuffed him so he’s unable to leave the grounds. I wanted to handle the situation as a team, after we all caught up.” My gaze bounced between Ares and Bash.
“Tomorrow we’re having a meeting, and Mal will be dealt with.” Bash declared.
Ares and Bash stripped to their boxers and climbed into bed with us. Fitting four people was a tight squeeze, but we made it work. As much as she tried to convince us she was okay, I could smell Diana’s fear and see the worry on her face. I silently promised myself I would never let something like this happen again.
Fire and brimstone, what have I done? I got up from the floor after Desmond carried Diana out of the room and raked my fingers through my hair, trying to center myself. My hands trembled as I paced around the table. I’d almost strangled Diana to death. I was no better than the man I claimed not to be anymore. My mind flashed back toherface. Her round face, with white blond hair, forest green eyes, and adorable smile with the slight gap between her front teeth.
“Malcolm! Stop! What are you doing?” she cried as I grabbed her by the hair and threw her inside her bedroom with so much force that she crashed into the bed. “It’s not what you think, I didn’t ask for it–”
“SHUT YOUR MOUTH!” I shouted, unsteady on my feet. “Youdidn’t ask for this? What did you think would happen? I didn’t ask for this betrayal from you!”
She sniffled and coughed, choking on her own tears. Those tears weren’t tears of guilt or remorse. They were tears of fear, because she had been caught.
She cried for me to stop, to listen to reason. “I didn’t think this would happen! Please! I thought I could end it and you’d never have to know.”
“Well, I know now. I know what you’ve been doing while I was away, building a business for you–for us! I do all of this for you so I can give youeverything, and how do you repay me?!” I picked up her oak music box that I brought back from my trip to France. When the box opened, a ballerina spun and danced inside in a snow white tutu. Its grace and beauty reminded me of her. I hurled it at the wall, watching it shatter.
My anger blinded me until all I saw was red. I wasn’t myself anymore. I could still taste the gin from earlier on my tongue, reminding me of how I couldn’t drown my sorrows away. Everything I wanted was gone in the blink of an eye. She sat there on the floor, sobbing like the world was crashing down around her. But it was her fault. She ruined everything.
“Did you ever love me, Virginia?” I asked, trying my hardest to unclench my fists. “Was all of this for nothing?”
“How could I love you? I didn’t choose you!” she screamed. “Mother said I could learn to love you, but how can I grow to love a man who’s never around?”
I felt my heart crack and shatter into a thousand pieces. The flame inside me went out, taking my rage with it. My knees almost buckled beneath me. I spun on my heels to leave. What did it matter if I left? She had already turned her back on me.
She hoisted herself up and desperately snatched my hand, turning me around again to face her. Wide, green eyes that used to make my stomach knot with adoration peered up at me, swimming with tears. But now all they did was make me feel empty inside.
“Malcolm, please, listen to me, I know we can make this work–”
I ripped my hand from her, glaring at a face I had once thought was so innocent.
“Don’t touch me!” My voice bellowed out and I shook with unbridled rage. “I can’t look at you right now. I loved you. I waited for you and gave you my last name, my heart, everything you ever asked for. I built us this life, and you tore it down without a second thought.”
I left the room and took the skeleton key out of my pocket, locking it from the outside. I made sure all the servants knew not to open it under any circumstances. Trudging down the stairs to my office, I shut the door behind me and poured myself another measure of gin.
That was the last time I ever saw her.I can’t think about her now.
“Breathe in, breathe out, Malcolm Knight,” I whispered to myself. That man wasn’t me anymore; he was in my past and needed to stay there.
How did this happen? I was so angry at Diana, even before the lesson started. Every word she said, her presence alone, grated on me. I could barely stand to look at her stupid, cherub face without feeling a molten hot rage course through me. Where did that anger come from?
I ran through the events in my mind. It wasn’t that she stabbed me. I hated to admit it, but that made my cock jump to attention. Knowing I got to her enough that she’d run that knife straight into my back. It made all of my blood rush south, and I was shocked I didn’t pass out. Her anger turned me on. I snapped when she brought up me being a hellbound because I hurt women. She was exactly right, except that I didn’t Jack the Ripper a bunch of random whores on the street, and I sure as fuck didn’t get my rocks off that way. I was punished to live for eternity this way, to feed off others’ sadness and fear, because I did something unforgivable to the woman I loved the most in the entire world. Every time I fed from someone to replenish my magic, I experienced her sadness and fear while she died, a constant reminder of what I had done.
That still didn’t explain why I almost strangled her to death. My rage had reached such a boiling point that I broke. All of my humanity crumbled away, and I felt like I wasn’t even myself. An animalistic urge to end her took over, and if Desmond hadn’t come in… I’m not sure she’d be alive.
Honestly, I’m not sure how she survived it. My strength and the amount of time my hands wrung her neck should have killed her. I heard her legs slow and eventually stop kicking. I thought I saw her life leave her eyes. But somehow, she wasn’t dead.
The neon glowing magical binder on my left ankle caught my eye. I was stuck on the grounds until Desmond saw fit to undo the cuff. And then what? Diana was Bash’s source. By incubi customs, he could end my life for harming her. Ares was in love with her, and even though it was instalove, I knew the feelings he had for her were real. She even had Desmond under her spell. They were going to rake me over the coals.
I walked to my suite, sealing the ward after me. I needed time to figure things out before they came in here demanding blood. I hated Diana, but I would never kill her.
* * *
Long before opening my eyes, I felt a presence in my room, watching me. I laid there on my side in the blissful limbo between sleep and awareness, where my actions and resulting guilt couldn’t hurt me.
