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Amira wasn’t quite sure what to do with this information or how to feel about it. Honestly, she couldn’t say that she felt the same way. The divorce had been hard at first, of course, and she’d felt the exact same way that Rachel was feeling right now, but she’d moved on now. She had Casey now, and she considered her divorce to be a blessing in disguise because if they hadn’t gone through with it, she never would’ve gotten the chance to be with Casey.
“Rachel, we did try to mend things,” Amira spoke as carefully as she could, not wanting to make the woman even more upset. “We tried as hard as we could foryears,and nothing worked. That’s why we decided to finally call things quits, remember? There was nothing else we could’ve done. We’ve both changed so much over the years and grown apart. The relationship just wasn’t the same—”
“I think that’s the problem,” Rachel nodded quickly. “We kept trying to restore our relationship back to its previous state. That was never going to work. We couldn’t go back to how we used to be, that was in the past. We should’ve been trying to improve our relationship without trying to force it to be what it once was. We should’ve been trying to better ourselves in the present and look forward to the future.”
“I...That makes sense,” Amira mumbled. “But—”
“Please,” Rachel cried. “I’m sorry it took me so long to realize this! I’m sorry it took us finalizing our divorce to make me come to my senses, butplease, I think if we take a different approach, we could make it work! I’ll do anything to make it work, Amira.”
“I can’t— being alone has given me the time and space to realise that this is what I want. This divorce was right for me. And, I think in time, you will see it was right for both of us.”
“I’m so tired of being alone!” Rachel continued. “I just feel so empty and I just—I hate this! I don’t want to be alone anymore; I want to be loved again! I want our relationship back! I w-want—”
Rachel could hardly even talk anymore; she was crying so hard. Amira felt selfish. Especially since she’djustbeen feeling this same way a few months ago.
“Rachel, I don’t think it is me you want. I think you just don’t want to be alone. Remember you were never good at being alone? If I was away working or anything. You have never coped well with your own company.”
Was that the only reason that Rachel wanted to work things out? Because she felt lonely? Because shewanted to be loved? That was not a good enough reason to enter a relationship. Just to cure loneliness...No, it would never work if that was the only reason.
“Ugh. I don’t know.” Rachel said. “Why don’t you just give it a chance, Amira, please! We were together for more than twenty years! Doesn’t saving a twenty-year-long relationship seem like something worth fighting for?”
What Rachel had said made Amira freeze as she thought about Casey once more. She was starting to feel even more guilty than before.
The main reason she was so adamant about not wanting to give things a try again was because she was seeing Casey. If she was still single, she probably wouldn’t think twice about it. She’d probably be more than willing to try things out with what had once been the love of her life again, but because shewasseeing Casey, she was reluctant. And in her opinion, that really wasn’t fair.
Amira knew she was falling for Casey. She knew that was big factor in why she didn’t want Rachel back. But, what hope was there for her with Casey? They hadn’t had a discussion about becoming serious.
And then there was the sex with Casey. Mind blowing. She felt like they shared a true connection, like being with Casey was where she was really meant to be.
How would Rachel feel if she found out that Amira had been seeing someone anyway? More guilt crept into Amira as she thought about how heartbroken Rachel might be to find out that she’d moved on so quickly after their divorce. Rachel clearly wasn’t seeing anybody and she’d clearly been thinking about their failed relationship a whole lot—she must’ve been if she was willing to pack all her bags and come to Amira so suddenly. It must’ve been driving her crazy, dealing with this divorce—and yet Amira had been busy having the time of her life with another woman.
Amira felt like an awful person.
She held Rachel in her arms as she cried.
“Can I stay with you? I need to stay with you. We need to try…” Rachel gasped.
Amira felt like she had no choice as she nodded.
10
Casey was excited as she showed up at Amira’s with flowers, determined to have the discussion she had been trying so hard to avoid. It was Amira’s day off, she knew she would be home. She hoped she would be home.
When Amira opened the door, Casey could tell that she’d been crying.
“What’s wrong?” she’d asked quietly.
Amira eyed the flowers and tears fell from her eyes as she looked at Casey.
Amira stepped all the way outside and quietly closed the door behind her, not wanting to disturb Rachel, who was still asleep on her bed inside.
“I’m really sorry,” Amira mumbled. “But I’m a bit of a mess. My ex wife has shown up and… well… it looks like she is staying for a while.”
Casey felt confused. Her ex wife?
I thought that was over.
“Are you back together?” Casey asked, trying to harden herself for the response.
