AllFreeNovel
Share Us
"I've spent the last six years convincing myself I didn't need her, sitting through hundreds of hours of therapy. Nothing ever makes it go away. It's like she's a piece of my heart, and I can't live without that piece. It would be a lot easier if I didn't need that piece, but I do."
"All you can do is be here for her, man."
I nod in agreement, pulling Ellie down, so we can get in line for the mine train.
It's the perfect time of year, and it isn't too crowded, so we ride it a couple times and then take a break. Ellie is crashing fast, so Hanna and I decide to take her back to the room. Judson and Blakely stay with JC, the age difference between them showing at this point. He's hit his second wind, practically dragging Blakely by the wrist.
She's insisted that she's fine all day, but I can tell that being pregnant and walking all over Disney is getting to her. Judson hates to see her upset or in pain; he's afraid of losing her. I understand it now. I don't know what I'd do if anything happened to my girls.
Ellie falls asleep in my lap on the bus ride back to the room, and by the time we make it, she's snoring softly in my ear. Hanna unlocks her room and clears the bed of Ellie's suitcase. She folds down the covers, and I slip Ellie into the bed.
"Thank you for carrying her."
I toss her mouse ears onto the table, "I wish I could've carried her when she was smaller."
Hanna chuckles, "Yeah, she's getting big."
She unzips her backpack pulling a couple of churros out, "Want some?"
I shake my head and watch her start to lift it to her lips before sneaking a bite, stealing the one meant for her.
"Hey!" She giggles, swatting at my arm, reminding me of old times. I used to love aggravating her about food, Adam used to steal food off her plate, and it was a sore subject.
"Damn, that's good," I talk with my mouth full, just to aggravate her more.
"You haven't changed a bit." She halfway smiles, and I know she means my sense of humor, but her words strike a nerve.
"That's where you're wrong."
She doesn't respond, taking another bite of her churro.
"I'm not that boy from six years ago who couldn't love anyone. I have come a long way. I don't self-destruct every time something goes wrong. I don't push people away or disappear when things get tough. Things are different now, Han."
I can see the sadness in her eyes, "I can see that you're different."
I take another bite of her churro, "That boy is gone."
A single tear falls from her eye as she swipes it away quickly, "I'm happy for you. I'm glad you are doing well."
I'd be doing better if I was with you.
Her voice is weak and almost scared, "I've noticed you don't drink."
I nod, embarrassed at my past. How far I had to fall before I realized I had a problem. How many therapy sessions I had to attend before I poured them down the sink.
"That's great. You never needed that. I would've helped you. We all would have."
She places her palm on top of my hand, sending a volt of electricity up my arm, and I ache to hold her.
"I'm sorry I didn't let you. I'm sorry for everything I put you through."
She pulls her hand away, straightening in her chair, "We can't change the past. Let's just start over, as friends."
My heart sinks.
I can't be her friend. I don't even want to try.
