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JAMESON
"You alright?" Blake asks, circling around me, sitting in an Adirondack chair next to mine around the fire pit.
"Yeah," I grimace, bringing my water bottle to my lips.
"Want a beer?" She points her thumb over her shoulder toward the fridge on the patio.
"No, I haven't had a drink in three years."
"Oh," she beams, "that's great, Jay."
"Yeah, it was making everything worse."
"So, how have you been?" She asks, entirely unprepared for my words that practically blast out of my mouth.
"Is Ellie mine?"
She strangles a little on the water that she was drinking, her eyes turning into saucers.
"Is she?" I ask again, desperate for her to tell me no. That I didn't get Hanna pregnant and then leave her. That this little girl, who is Hanna in a tiny body, could share the same DNA as me? No way, I think to myself.
"We don't know," Blake admits, offering me the most sincere smile that she can muster up.
"What? You mean Hanna hasn't told you who her father is?"
"No, and we've never asked her. She came back here when Ellie was two, and Judson's immediate reaction was that she was yours, but no, we don't know. We didn't feel like it was our place to ask."
"Fuck," I breathe out. "I wasn't expecting that. I didn't expect to see Hanna at all but with a kid?"
She grabs my knee, giving it a reassuring squeeze.
"It's gonna be fine either way. I don't know if coming straight out and asking her is the right thing to do, but I did send her a text. She didn't respond."
I never imagined this would be how my night would end. Honestly, I didn't even think Hanna still lived here. Last I knew, she was back home with her family.
"I'm gonna go to the bathroom. I'll take over at the party so you and Judson can catch up."
"Okay, congratulations on the pregnancy, by the way."
Her smile flickers, "Thanks."
She disappears into the back doors of the house, my eyes falling onto the fire, remembering the first time I brought Hanna here. We were just eighteen, fucking babies.
"You thinking about jumping in the fire pit?" Judson laughs as I break my stare.
"Maybe," I huff out, dragging my palms down my cheeks.
"You knew about Ellie all this time, man. Why didn't you tell me?" I plead, trying to figure out what to do.
"Tell you what? That Hanna had a kid? That she was back here?"
"No," I spit, "That the kid in question is old enough to be my kid, Judson."
He holds his hands up, sitting back into the seat, "Whoa, You never told me anything about your relationship with Hanna. I mean, sure, when she showed up here with Ellie, the thought crossed my mind, but I didn't know if ya'll were still gettin' it on while you were broken up."
I give him the side-eye, answering that question without actually answering it. Hanna and I were so fucked up. Our entire relationship was, it was my fault.
"Do you think she's mine?" I ask him again, wanting a straightforward answer.
