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"Can we talk?" She asks, nodding away from the crowd.
I follow her over there, my feet as heavy as my heart.
"Did you get my letter?" She asks, and I shake my head slowly.
"You know I want to be here for you, right? Just 'cause you left doesn't mean we aren't meant to be together."
Her southern accent comes out in her confession. It usually does when she gets riled up. She places her hand on my bicep, causing me to jerk away. Her touch does things to me I can't control, and I don't want my mind to be clouded. I have to cut her loose. She'll never be happy with me. Not fully.
"Jameson. I want to come with you. I want to move to Colorado. I know that you'll be in school and that I'll be on my own while you're at the academy, but I want to show you that I'm here for you. That I always will be."
Her words cut my heart open, the blood flooding my lungs.
"You… no. You can't do that. I won't let you."
She crosses her arms over her chest, "Jameson, why you gotta be so goddamn stubborn! I love you. I want to be with you! We can get through this together!"
I do the only thing I do best. I shut her out.
"I don't want you with me, Hanna!"
Her face falls, her spirit fading into an icebox inside her chest. The stares of everyone inside the hallway of the courthouse land on us, causing me to lower my voice.
"But, we have to be together, because… well because–"
I cut her off. A single tear falling from her cheek, "No. This isn't good for either of us. One day you'll realize I did you a favor."
She steps back, her eyes distant, "Tell me you don't love me then!"
I grit my teeth, fighting back every truth I've ever known, "I don't love you."
She pushes past me into the bathroom, and I get the hell out of here to catch my flight before I change my mind.
Jerking awake, I toss the comforter to the ground. My head throbs, and I swing my legs over the edge of the bed, rubbing the sweat from my forehead.
Not bothering to get dressed, I storm into the kitchen for a bottle of water.
Dojo is sitting on the couch, game controller in his hand, talking to someone through his headset. His attention turns to me, pulling it down around his neck, "Hey man, how was Disney?"
I pull myself from the despair of my dream, thinking of Ellie and how much fun she had.
"It was great."
"Did you tell Hanna how you feel?"
I blow out an aggravated laugh, "Uh, not exactly. She has moved on, man. She deserves to be happy."
Dojo slings the controller on the coffee table with a thud, "You always do this. Have you ever thought that maybe you deserve to be happy too?"
He's irritated, and I don't really know why, "You'll spend your life being miserable if you don't finally let yourself be happy too, Jamo."
"Yeah, well, that's just the way it is. Her happiness matters more to me than my own."
"You love her. You always have! You keep that ratty old picture in your locker, for christ's sake. It's okay to be selfish sometimes and admit to her and everyone else that you fucked up and you still love her."
"My selfishness is the reason I put her through two years of pure hell and then left her to clean up the mess I made of her heart. I should've never drug it out as long as I did."
Dojo tilts his head to me, "I don't know her, but it seems like she cherishes those two years more than you know. Don't sit here and act like I didn't read that letter."
