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HANNA
"What kind of dress styles are you looking for?"
I'm snapped from my thoughts, Lexie's voice beaming with excitement.
"Oh, uh… I'm not sure."
Her face twists, "Some people dream about their weddings their entire life, and you wanna tell me you don't know what kind of dress you want?"
I pull out my phone, checking to see if there are any messages from Jameson. He has Ellie alone for the first weekend ever, and I'm not necessarily worried, but It's just weird sharing her with anyone.
"I don't know. Something pretty but not too poofy. White but not too white."
"So… You want sleek and soft?"
"I guess."
She stalks away, talking with the bridal consultant, flipping through a few magazines. She comes back with several dresses, hanging them on the rack for me to try on. Blakely and Karly are laughing about something on Blake's phone, and I'm just completely zoned out.
I try on a few dresses, tossing them into the discard pile. Ready to just go back to my house and take a warm bath. I'm exhausted. Wedding planning is exhausting.
My mother sits uninterested with her arms crossed, not offering many thoughts. She's learned to be silent if she doesn't have anything pleasant to say, which is ninety-nine percent of the time.
I pull on another dress, smoothing it down the front. An off-the-shoulder ensemble with long lace sleeves. It hugs my waist and turns into a flowing hem. It's not overly shiny or covered in beads or sequins. The tears prick my eyes as I stare at myself in the mirror. I don't feel fat, I don't hate what I see, I feel pretty.
Karly opens the curtain, stepping inside, "You alright?" She trails off, the dress turning her speechless, "Oh, Hanna. You look… Wow."
I turn to her, tears streaming down my face.
"Oh, honey. What is it? Are you okay?"
I swallow my sorrow, "Yeah, I don't like this one. Can you tell Lexie to get me something else?"
She nods, stepping out, my eyes falling to the mirror one last time. This dress isn't wrong, it's perfect.
The groom is wrong.
I can't wear this perfect dress, not when it's not with the guy that deserves to see me in it.
Karly comes back, passing me a different garment bag.
I slip into the dress, and it's very flattering. I decide to step out and see what everyone thinks.
"Hanna! Oh my goodness! That one is so pretty!" Blakely squeals, covering her mouth with her perfectly manicured nails.
"I agree," Lexie grins, looking to my mother. "What do you think, Madison?"
"It's very nice," She agrees, giving me a tight-lipped smile.
"Eric is going to love it!" Karly claps, twirling me around.
This is the one. I slip back into the private dressing room, letting the fabric fall to the floor as I stand looking in the mirror, completely exposed. I can't give Eric the perfect dress, and part of me knows I'll never be able to give him all of my heart.
I force the thoughts from my mind, yanking my jeans back on, covering up my vulnerability. Eric is great, I do love him, and eventually, this won't hurt so bad. I tell myself. Reminding my heart that it's okay.
That we're okay.
22 Years Old
