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Chapter Twelve
As Quinn helped Allison up into the hired hack he’d hailed, the difference in their stations came crashing back on him. He shouldn’t be taking her home in a hack. If he was a man worthy of her, he’d have summoned his butler to tell his footman to notify the driver that one of his carriages should be readied.
Though he knew she often hired hacks to take her to this neighborhood, he still hated the thought that he couldn’t offer her better. With a sigh, he gave the driver the address to the Countess of Aston’s house, then climbed up inside the vehicle with her. The interior smelled of body odor and smoke, which made it all the worse.
For long moments they were silent, perhaps both lost in their memories of the evening they’d shared. They sat beside each other, but a distance had fallen between them. Determined to break it, he found her hand in the folds of her skirt and twined his fingers with hers.
She flashed him a smile, squeezing his hand in return. “What are your plans for tomorrow?”
He knew she was only trying to make conversation, but her words again emphasized the difference in their stations. She came from a world where people actually made plans on a Wednesday.
“I have to work,” he reminded her.
Her smile dissipated, and he knew that even though he’d tried to keep the annoyance out of his voice, he’d failed. “Of course,” she murmured, subdued. “That was a silly question.”
Feeling like a cad, he cast about for a safe topic. What he really wanted to talk about was what had happened between them tonight, but he was so confused and conflicted he didn’t know what to even ask her.
She’d been so sweet when she’d told him she trusted him, but he couldn’t help feeling that she’d used him a bit, but perhaps that was because he tended to view things through the lens of his past and what had happened with Sophia... Still, he couldn’t help but worry that he was just a plaything to a woman used to getting exactly what she wanted. But how could he possibly keep turning her down if she planned to focus that single-minded determination on him?
“I’m sorry,” he murmured. “I didn’t mean to sound... however I sounded.”
She laughed. “You sounded like you always sound, Quinn. As though you have no idea what to do with me.”
He couldn’t help wiggling his eyebrows at her. “Oh, I have a few ideas.”
She caught her breath, her luminous eyes widening at his suggestive tone. “So, if I promise to think everything over carefully, and I still want to, I can come to you again?”
Squeezing her hand tighter, he forced himself to meet her gaze. “Allison... I loved everything that happened, but you know this isn’t a good idea. One of us is going to get hurt, and I’m afraid it’s going to be you.”
But that wasn’t true. He was actually very afraid it was going to be him. He couldn’t bear to give his heart away again, only to have it trampled beneath her lovely satin slippers.
Reaching out, she pressed her fingertips to his cheek. “I’m not afraid, Quinn. I feel like this is an adventure, and there’s no one I’d rather take it with than you.”
He covered her hand with his free one, pressing it more fully against his cheek before releasing it. Maybe she wasn’t afraid, but she absolutely terrified him.
“Promise me you’ll take a few days before coming to me again. Your whole future is at stake.” Somehow he felt better knowing that he’d have a few days to think about things as well. Lord knew he wasn’t thinking clearly at the moment.
With a bitter laugh, Allison withdrew her hand from his. “You wouldn’t say that to me if I was a man. You’d congratulate me on having seduced someone. It’s not fair.”
In that moment, she sounded heartbreakingly young. “You’re right. It isn’t fair. But like it or not, society judges men and women differently.”
She bit her lip and turned her head, staring out at the passing street as she visibly struggled to keep from saying something she’d regret.
“I can’t begin to understand how frustrating you find the world you’ve been born into, the role you have to play. And you’re right. Men are free to be with whomever they choose and not have to explain themselves or be thought less of. But there are worse crosses to bear than being a woman.”
She looked back toward him indignantly. “Name one!”
He sighed and scrubbed his hand over his face, suddenly weary beyond measure. “Try being an Irish Catholic in this city.”
“You’re Catholic?” she whispered, her shock evident. Then she shook her head. “Never mind. It doesn’t matter. It has no bearing on this subject. We are only to be lovers, not wed.”
“So, you would never marry a Catholic?” he asked, starting to get a little angry. Though he hardly ever went to Mass, he hated it when people acted as though his way of worshipping God was somehow less than theirs.
“I told you, I never want to marry anyone, regardless of their religion,” she fired back, though he could tell he’d hit a nerve. She’d encountered her own prejudice and wasn’t comfortable with it. She’d probably never spoken to anyone who was Catholic who wasn’t her servant.
She suddenly sat forward, seeming to recognize their location. “Can you have the driver stop here?” she asked a bit frantically. “I don’t want anyone from the house to see me return.”
A bit stung, he nodded nonetheless and relayed the information to the driver. When the hack stopped, he got out and helped her down. But the moment her body pressed against his, all his anger and annoyance melted away, and all he could think about was the amazing evening they’d shared.
