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She gazed at him out of the corner of her eye, while pretending to be interested in what the others were saying. They were talking about going to Sebastian and Jocelyn’s country estate for the summer, though Sebastian didn’t think he could get away from his job for very long and Allison was a bit concerned about being far from the city so close to when she should be giving birth.
It didn’t seem as though Drake was really listening to them either. He seemed just as aware of her as she was of him. She wondered if he was also remembering their kisses. The way he’d held her breasts in his hands as he kissed her hungrily. The way his powerful body had moved over and inside hers, bringing her to such ecstasy.
She loved his lips, she decided. It really wasn’t quite fair that a man should have such a lush, mobile mouth. He’d been born to grant sinful pleasure.
“I have so much to talk to you about,” he murmured. “But I feel like nothing I have to say to you can be said with an audience. Are you still going to meet me in the garden later?”
“Of course,” she breathed. “As soon as I can get away, I’ll find you there.”
A smile stretched that mouth she’d just been admiring, making him even more gorgeous. What she wouldn’t give to simply launch herself into his arms and kiss him until the whole world fell away. The future remained dark and cloudy, but when she looked into his eyes, she could almost believe that everything was going to work out.
She waited about half an hour more before standing up and yawning theatrically. “I’m still tired. I think I’ll retire for the night.”
Allison gave her a strange look that she didn’t want to even try to interpret but then nodded. “Have a good night. We’ll talk in the morning.”
Careful not to even glance in Drake’s direction, Heather said goodnight to the others and then headed up toward her room, still a bit confused about why she’d been given a guest room instead of sent back to the servants’ quarters where she belonged.
Once she shut her door safely behind her, all the stress and terror of the past few days caught up with her, and she collapsed across her bed, staring up at the ceiling as conflicting thoughts and emotions battled in her mind.
What am I doing?
Every time she wasn’t directly looking at Drake, the doubts assailed her, making her wonder if she’d lost her mind. Why hadn’t she been content with her life the way it was? She’d had things much better than most people of her station, and she should have been grateful that Allison had given her such a wonderful home. Instead, she seemed to always be burning for the things she could not have.
And Drake Blackstone was definitely one of the things she could never have.
With a groan, she forced herself up and stared at her wan face in the mirror, pinching her cheeks to try and bring some color back to them. Though it would be dark when she went outside to meet Drake, she wanted to look her best.
For the next half hour or so, she kept herself busy getting ready, but when even she couldn’t find anything else to do, she decided to steal down to the garden now. She simply couldn’t stand being cooped up in this house any longer. Perhaps her ordeal in the cellar had kept her from ever wanting to be in an enclosed space again. She yearned for some fresh air.
The Nesses’ garden was large and well-kept, with lovely little footpaths and a wide variety of trees and flowers. Tonight they looked somewhat sinister, the dark branches still mostly bare and reaching for the moonlit sky. Shivering, she pulled her wrap tighter around her shoulders, wishing she’d grabbed something heavier. Winter was lingering this year.
Toward the back of the garden was a secluded bench tucked behind a sheltering hedge. Perching on the edge, she listened intently for any sign of Drake, her heart pounding with the anticipation of being alone with him again. They’d been around far too many people today.
At last, she heard quiet footfalls coming her way, and she cleared her throat so he would know where to find her. He rounded the corner and immediately caught her up against him, his wonderful strong body warming her instantly, his scent already so dear and familiar.
“There are guards all over the place out here,” he murmured, tugging her into an even more secluded nook in the hedges. “I’m glad they’re here to keep you safe, but we should talk quietly so we’re not overheard.”
She nodded jerkily, feeling overwhelmed by the depth of the mess she’d managed to get herself into. Even though they’d escaped, Jacob and his men were still out there, and she wouldn’t be safe until Drake made certain they were all behind bars.
But Jacob would never go to jail without telling anyone who’d listen that she’d been involved. It seemed that no matter how she turned the whole thing over in her head, she couldn’t imagine a scenario where she got out of this unscathed. Perhaps she should just tell Drake about her involvement with the Citizens Committee tonight. He’d find out eventually, and when he did, he was bound to feel horribly betrayed.
But what were the odds that he’d understand? That he wouldn’t hate her once he found out the truth? She didn’t want to take that chance. She wanted to enjoy these last few days while she could.
For a moment, he just hugged her tightly, but then he let her go. “Have you had a chance to think about what we talked about earlier? Would you like to come stay with me for a while?”
“Yes,” she breathed, even though she knew it couldn’t end well. “I’d love that, Drake.”
“Good.” He sounded relieved, and though it was hard to see him clearly in the darkness, she thought he was smiling. “Your friends are worried about you. Worried about what might have happened between us. I know that you probably are too.”
She took another step back, suddenly wary. “What happened is none of their business,” she said, rubbing her hands against her arms, remembering with startling clarity how it felt to have this man inside her. “I don’t regret it,” she said fiercely, needing him to know that no matter what came of all of this, that had been the one good part. She wouldn’t have missed getting to know him despite all the heartache it would inevitably bring.
“I don’t regret it either,” he murmured, shoving his hands in his pockets. “I just need you to know that after all of this is over, after I see those bastards brought to justice, I will make this right.”
Her heart slammed into her throat, and she swallowed dryly. This wasn’t the first time he’d said that, but she had no idea what he meant by ‘making it right.’ “What are you saying?”
“I feel as though I took advantage... of you... of your fear. I should have been stronger, shouldn’t have given in to my desire.” He shook his head, then sighed grimly. “I wasn’t thinking of anything but how much I wanted you, and because of that... You could be with child, Heather.”
Her hand unconsciously went to her stomach, and tears stung her eyes. For so long, she’d dreamed of a family of her own, but this wasn’t how she’d wanted it. She didn’t want to repeat the cycle of her own life, giving birth to the bastard child of a highborn man who could never claim it.
