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I locked the front door on my way out and headed to the garage.
As I drove away, a faint feeling of freedom crept in around the edges of my shock. It surprised me. It was a feeling I hadn’t imagined I would feel, but it was there nonetheless. The air smelled a little cleaner. The blue sky a little bluer. Everything I owned was contained inside my vehicle, and the thought that I could keep driving and be OK popped in my head. My stomach growled reminding me I wouldn’t get far.
I put the window down and rolled my hand in the wind. My long brown hair whipped in from of my face, and I tucked the strands back behind my ear. A small smile grew on my face as I drove back through the village and parked in front of Brooks Outfitters.
The mannequin in the window was fully dressed now. A backpack sat at her feet, made to look full, and a green Coleman thermos stuck out of a side pocket.
When I entered the store, Cody and Jacob were sitting at the indoor unlit gas fire pit. The center of it was covered with a round steel disc and the ceramic tile surrounding the pit was littered with papers and maps.
“Hey, I have all my things,” I announced as I stood in front of them.
Jacob jerked his head toward the counter. “Spare key is on the antler by the cash register. Use the back door; don’t bring all your stuff through here.”
Weariness hit me hard, as the events of the day finally caught up with me. I wilted, and then inhaled deeply so I wouldn’t snap at him. Living with Jacob was not going to be easy if he kept dismissing me. In my haste and shock this afternoon, living upstairs felt like a great idea. Now? Not so much. “OK. Thanks.”
I grabbed the key from the antlers and left the store, then drove my car around back to unpack my belongings. The back staircase was steep, and it took me a few trips to get all of my things into the apartment.
As I climbed, the boxes bumped against the railing. “Freaking narrow staircase.” To no one, I added, “Jacob, do you think you can invest in a wider, more stable set of steps?”
The apartment above the store had served as Mia’s and Jacob’s home for years now. They’d invested everything they had, or so they said, into this store, and their adventure destination log home, Racers Roost. Because they didn’t want the added expense of a private house while they were just starting out, they’d built a two-bedroom apartment above the shop. Each of them had their own bedroom and bath, and they shared a kitchen, small eating area, and a comfortably sized living area. The buttercream yellow walls boasted a large-screen TV prominently displayed in the room— ideal for watching football on Sundays. On either side of the TV hung black and white photos of Mia on her Polaris snowmobile, plowing over hills and kicking up snow.
I set a box down, rolling the pain from my shoulders near the glass hutch closest to the door that opened to stairs that led down to the interior of their store. Football trophies and MVP plaques were strategically placed inside the hutch so that all were visible. All of this ‘I-love-me’ shit made me angry. Jacob’s life had turned out so perfect, and I was irrelevant to him. Just like I was to my dad.
This was a mistake, but I was stuck for now.
I opened the cabinet and pulled out a framed picture of Jacob in his college uniform. I touched it lightly, running my fingers over the photo of his face. “So perfect.” I put it back in the cabinet and closed the door. “Oh, Jacob.”
I went to Mia’s room and lay down, exhausted. I kicked off my shoes, but didn’t even bother to remove the slacks and cashmere sweater I’d been wearing all day.
I loved that she was a kickass world-class snowmobile racer and yet utterly feminine. Her room was romantic and cozy. Soft gray carpet complemented the lavender walls, and a crystal chandelier hung from the ceiling, its light reflecting off the enormous mirror on the wall.
I pulled the white duvet up and over myself, snuggling into the oversized pillows that were stacked against the dark gray tufted headboard. As I drifted off to sleep, I promised myself I would only nap for a few minutes.
I woke up, momentarily disoriented, to a room bathed in early evening light. I’d slept for hours. From the window, gray shadows crept across the floor, coming in through the open blinds that showed the stores across the street.
A noise came from beside me. Snoring. Who was snoring? I rolled onto my side. Jacob lay next to me, his hands clasped across his belly, ankles crossed. His eyes were closed; his lips slightly parted. He hated me so much. And I had loved him so much. Why was he in here?
I reached out to touch his cheek, and he stirred. I pulled my hand back and tucked my hands under my cheek.
He turned to face me without moving the rest of his body. “Hey,” he said, groggily.
“What are you doing in here?” I said quietly.
He blinked a couple of times as if trying to remember. He turned away and looked at the ceiling. “I brought lo mein from the restaurant on the corner and came to see if you were hungry.” He rose and swung his legs to the floor. With his back to me, he whispered, “You looked so peaceful; I just laid down next to you.” He rubbed his face and stood. When he turned and looked down at me, his eyes were tender. “I guess I fell asleep.”
We stared at each other, each processing the intimacy of the moment.
Abruptly, he whirled around and left the room, leaving me staring at his retreating back. For a split second, I’d thought we’d have the honest conversation we needed to have so many years ago.
“It’s in the kitchen if you’re hungry,” he called out. I made my way into the kitchen; he’d put out plates and plastic forks. The cartons of food were open. I served myself a small helping and joined him at the kitchen table.
“Thank you for thinking of me.”
“Mm-hmm,” he said through a mouthful of noodles. After swallowing, he took a sip of the beer in front of him. “Don’t expect it every night. I usually eat out.”
Tension crackled between us. The underlying message? ‘We aren’t a couple anymore.’
“Got it.”
