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After Mia assigned me roasted vegetables, bacon-wrapped carrots, and a chocolate gateau for dessert (because sugar cookies were for snacking), I took my glass to the sink. “I’m going to head home.”
She walked me to the door. “Thanks for hanging out with me tonight.”
I hugged her goodnight. “I’ll see you in a few days.”
She waited until I made it across the walk to the stairs leading up to my apartment. I lit the tiny woodburning stove, shut the cast iron door, and snuggled up on the couch to read.
My eyes drifted closed—the wine and the fire, and the crash of one too many sugar cookies had me struggling to stay awake.
A loud diesel engine woke me. I stood, bleary-eyed, momentarily confused. What time was it? Voices carried over the soft blanket of snow that was now covering the driveway.
With one finger, I hooked back a curtain and peeked outside. Jacob, and his mom and dad were unloading bags quickly from the back of the truck. Mia had come out to help.
Jacob glanced up at the window. He grinned up at me. I dropped the curtain.
I stepped back and heard his boots on the steps a few minutes later.
I didn’t respond when he knocked.
“Camille, I saw you. Please let me in,” he said through the door.
I groaned, got up from the couch and opened the door a crack.
He had a sheepish smile on his face. “Hi.”
“Hi?”
“Can I come in? It’s cold out here.” He shivered for emphasis. “Brrr.”
“Being cute isn’t going to make up for the fact that you didn’t call. Again.”
“I know.” He jerked his head toward the living room.
His hands were tucked in his front pockets. Awkwardly, he leaned in for a soft kiss to my cheek. “You look cozy.” He glanced around the room, now noticing the blanket laying across the couch cushions, my book face down on the floor.
“Jacob, I can’t keep doing this. I can’t keep being here when you come back, like nothing happened.”
“I know that, Camille. You dropped a bomb on me a few weeks ago. I deserved some time to process it.”
I crossed my arms. “Why can’t we process it together? I was in pain, too, you know.”
“I know….and I’m not doing a very good job of telling you things. Can I come in, please?”
I waited a beat before opening the door further.
He nodded, stepped inside, kicked off his snowy boots, and took a seat on the couch. I sat at the other end.
“Did your parents get settled at Mia’s?” I asked as I watched him get comfortable.
“Yeah, they’re good.” He cleared his throat. “Camille, you’re right that I keep leaving, and I’m sorry. It’s not just you that I’m leaving. I’ve been trying to figure out what my future is supposed to look like too. I’m back now, and I promise I won’t leave you again. I want us to mend us, together. The last few months with you have been equally painful and joyful. I don’t want to lose you again.”
“That was abrupt.” I jerked my head back.
He scooted closer. “I don’t want to waste any more time with you. I didn’t want to waste time on small talk tonight.”
I felt a tear at the corner of my eye. “I’m sorry, too. I hated myself for what I did. But you can’t just run when you don’t like what I have to say.”
“I know. I’ve never loved anyone but you. Sometimes you scare me.”
