AllFreeNovel
Share Us
J.R. lets out a sound like air releasing from a tire. He puts his hands on either side of his head. Still, he doesn’t say anything. He turns away from me, his hands now dangling by his sides, looking toward the windows that peer out over the oak tree scenery.
I remain still. Waiting.
Finally, he turns back to look at me. “She’s five?” His voice is hoarse, and I think he’s trying to wrap his mind around this nuclear bomb that I’ve just dropped on his life.
I nod.
“She’s mine?”
“J.R., of course, she’s yours.”
“You kept her from me, Rach.” It’s more of a question than a statement. His eyes are broken. Wide and helpless. Sad.
“It’s not something I’m proud of,” I tell him. “But it’s time. For you two to meet. She wants to meet you.”
“You brought her with you? Did you leave her in the car?” He sounds panicked suddenly. “Rach, it’s like a hundred degrees out there!” He’s trying to push past me to the front door.
I stop him. “I didn’t bring her with me, J.R. She’s with Kelley. I wanted to tell you first, in person, just me. I had to be sure that you even wanted to meet her.” I haven’t decided if I should be upset that he believes me to be such a terrible mother that I would leave my kid in the car during a summer swelter.
J.R. settles down, but I see anger surface now. “I can’t believe you, Rachel! You have a baby,ourbaby, and you don’t tell me?” He’s shouting.
I reply calmly, “I’m not even going to try and defend myself because there’s no excuse. I’m herenow. I’m telling younow. I’m trying to make things rightnow.”
I see tears form in his blue eyes, and he wipes a rogue tear from his face with his thumb. He shakes his head at me, and then he starts to pace.
“She wants to meet you,” I repeat.
“How long has she known about me?” He stops pacing and turns to look at me.
“Not until recently. She found an old picture.” I had nearly died when she had brought the old photo to me. It had been tucked away in my bedside table for years. I looked at it frequently. The two of us huddled up in a photobooth, laughing, kissing, making silly faces. That was us.
“Do you want to meet her?” I ask him.
“I just… I have to sit down. I have to think about this.” He sits on the couch, ducking his head between his arms. I’ve never seen J.R. have any kind of anxiety attack, but I’m pretty sure that’s what is happening now.
Maybe I should leave. Give him some time to digest this new information, this life-altering news that I’ve just dumped on him.
Before I do, I pull a photo from my back pocket, walk over to him, and lay it on the table. “Here’s a picture of her. She looks just like you,” I say gently, smiling softly at the picture. It’s Knox on her bike, the sun beaming brightly behind her, her blue eyes shining brighter than even the sun, her hair caught in the wind, and a wide smile across her face. It’s my favorite picture of her.
“I’ll go now. Let you think about it. Just…call me when you’re ready.” I find a piece of paper in my bag, scribble my phone number across it, and then lay it next to Knox’s picture. I give him one final look, and then I back away and start toward the door.
“Where are you staying tonight?” he mumbles, looking up at me.
“I’m driving back home today. I’ll drive back with Knox when you’re ready.”
J.R. doesn’t look up at me again. I back away, and then I slide out the front door.
My composure falls once I’m outside, out of sight. My entire body collapses under the weight of the reality of what I’ve done. I get myself safely inside my car, and then I allow myself to sob. My forehead is pressed against the top of my steering wheel, and my heart aches so bad, I wonder if I should see a doctor. Finally, I take a deep breath, wipe my tears, and then clutch the steering wheel ready to head home.
I wait until I’m a few minutes down the road before I call Kelley with an update.
“I’m on my way home,” I tell her. My voice is bland, but I can’t hide the nasally sound that always comes after I cry. My nose is congested; my eyes burn; and I think it’ll take me a few days to recover from the emotional trauma of today.
“How did it go? You’ve been crying,” she says.
“Not well, but I shouldn’t have expected it to go any other way. He was angry.”
“How does he feel about meeting her?”
