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I guess that had to be good enough, even though it wasn’t. I didn’t want to stay curled up on that couch forever, our relationship unchanging. Would that not get boring after a while? Still, I wouldn’t push the subject any further. Pushing it might push him away, and I didn’t want that.
“I love you, J.R.”
“Don’t ever leave me,” he says.
“I would never.”
11
Present
“She’s beautiful. She has your eyes, your hair. She looks just like you.”
“I saw the picture, Rach,” he snaps, obviously annoyed.
“She’s smart. Loves her daddy’s music,” I continue. “Kind. Gentle. Patient.”
“My music?”
“She knows every word to every song.”
“Rach, my music is not meant for a child's ears.” He rolls his eyes at me and rubs the bridge of his nose with his fingers as though he believes me to be the most incompetent person he has ever met.
“It’s fine, J.R.” I say, unsure of how I feel about my parenting being judged by him. What does he know, anyway?
He shakes his head at me. “If she likes music, does she play any instruments?”
“Piano,” I tell him. “Since last year. She’s really good. A natural, I think.”
J.R. seems pleased to hear this. “Why did you wait so long to tell me about her? Why didn’t you just come home? You know you could have.”
“I was afraid. Hurt, too, I guess. Since I met you, all I wanted was to be with you. Be your wife.” I wipe away a tear. “I just… I thought you didn’t love me. Not enough.”
J.R. grits his teeth. “It’s always been you, Rach.”
“I made a dumb choice, and I know that now.”
J.R. takes a sip of beer. “I want to meet her.”
I’m relieved, and I smile. “She really wants to meet you.”
He nods, but he looks a little afraid. I think he’s still in shock. I guess I would be, too, if a ghost from my past showed up to tell me that I have a kid.
“How…how do you want to do this?” I ask him. “Come home with me? Or I bring her here? I’m willing to do anything, J.R.” I do have my job to consider, but with the help of the internet, I can write opinion articles from virtually anywhere. My boss wouldn’t need much convincing. He’s all about saving the company dime. One less human occupant in the office meant one less person to use water, electricity, paper, and everything else that might dig into profits.
“Bring her here. To her home—or what should have been. I’ll have her a room ready. She can stay the weekend. You, too, of course.”
“Okay. I’ll bring her down tomorrow then.” I can still work on the end-of-the-world piece I’d been assigned while J.R. and Knox are getting acquainted.
He nods and looks at me softly. “How are you, Rach?” He asks this now with actual consideration for me, and it almost surprises me. As cold as he’s been toward me, I was beginning to wonder if he even cared about me at all.
I relax a little in my seat, smirk a little, and then say, “I’m okay. How are you?”
“Surviving.”
12
June 2002
