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She smiles proudly. “Look at what Daddy got me!”
“I love it,” I say with a smile. “Now, sit down and eat. It’s going to get cold.”
I’m not great at creating conversation, but tonight, I do out of pure nervousness. “Anything interesting happen while you were gone? You always have the best stories.”
“I have stories, but none I can share in front of the kid,” he says with a wink to Knox. “You forgot your wine. Let me get you some.”
J.R. notices everything. I should have at least poured myself a glass of wine. Maybe he wouldn’t have noticed if I didn’t drink from it. He probably would have, though.
“I’m good,” I say quickly. “I’m not really in the mood for wine. You know it makes me sleepy.”
He looks at me strangely, and then he looks at Knox. “Is it just me, or is she acting funny?”
Knox giggles. “She’s been acting funny since yesterday.”
“I am not acting funny. I’m just happy you’re home,” I argue, trying to distract him. “Now, let’s stop evaluating me, okay?”
We continue with dinner. J.R. tells some kid-friendly stories, and then we tell him about the things we did while he was gone. Of course, nothing we did was nearly as fun as the things J.R. experienced on the road. Still, Knox and I both listen to him with complete interest.
After dinner, J.R. helps me clean the dishes. I can feel him staring at me as he dries the plates with a towel, and I wish he would stop. I’m beginning to think that I won’t make it until bedtime to tell him that he’s going to be a dad again. I won’t make it if he doesn’t stop staring at me. I’ve never been great at keeping secrets.
“I wish you would stop staring at me,” I mumble.
“There’s something you’re not telling me,” he says. “I’m trying to figure out what it is. Did something happen while I was gone?”
“No. Nothing happened while you were gone. Everything is fine. I promise.” I dry my hands on a dish towel, and then I kiss him. “I missed you.”
He smiles against my lips, and then he walks me back into the edge of the countertop. He presses against me, threading his hands through my hair, and then kissing me again.
“I’m glad you kept your promise,” he says softly.
I feel sadness when he says this to me, though I don’t think he meant for that to happen. I’m sad because I once gave him a reason not to trust me. Every time he leaves now, there will always be a piece of him that fears me not being here when he returns.
“What’s wrong?” he asks me gently. His fingers brush against my cheek. His blue eyes are looking deep into mine.
“I don’t want you to be afraid to leave,” I say. “I’m not leaving again, J.R.”
“I know that. I know.” He kisses me again.
I look at him for a few seconds, and then I whisper, “I have to tell you something.”
I can’t wait until later tonight. I can’t wait for him to find the test. I have to tell him right now. Right here. It feels right.
J.R. pulls away slightly, looking at me with curiosity in his eyes. I feel my eyes begin to fill with tears, and I bite my bottom lip to hold them back. I watch J.R.’s blue eyes dart back and forth, studying my own dark eyes. Trying to read me. Trying to figure out what is different about me and why I have tears in my eyes now. He knows something has changed. Something is different. He knows because he knows me better than I know myself sometimes.
“I’m pregnant,” I whisper. I am studying J.R.'s expression now, waiting for it to change.
He stares at me, blankly at first; but then his lips move, and I hear him whisper, “You’re pregnant?”
I nod.
“You’re pregnant?” He says it louder this time, and I quickly cover his mouth with my palm.
“Shhh, I don’t want Knox to hear.” I giggle.
J.R. lifts me up, his arms around my body, and he tilts his lips up to mine. “We weren’t even trying.”
“Apparently, I get pregnant only by surprise.” I laugh. “I just found out yesterday. I had this big surprise planned for later tonight, but I just couldn’t wait. You wouldn’t stop looking at me funny.”
