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I turn to look at him. “Are you ready? Are you okay?” I think I’m probably more afraid than he is as I look up at him with wide eyes.
“Rach, you are white as a ghost,” he says, halfway laughing at me. “It’s going to be okay.”
I take a deep breath and nod. “Okay. I’m going to go dump this,” I say as I hold up the dustpan. “Answer the door.”
“If you weren’t carrying my baby, I’d tell you to take a shot of vodka.”
I make my way into the kitchen, and I dump the dustpan’s contents into the garbage can. My hands are shaking as I look at Knox, who is at the kitchen counter, staring at me with her big, innocent eyes. I smooth down her hair with my hands.
“It’s okay,” I tell her. “It’s going to be okay, right?”
“It’ll be okay,” she says, smiling up at me.
We stay here in the kitchen together, unwilling to move, and we watch as J.R. opens the front door. Two strangers step into our home. J.R. hugs them both. It’s been years since he last touched either one of them, and I wonder exactly how he’s feeling right now. I’m also regretting the fact that we made our home an open concept. I could definitely use a wall to hide behind right now. Knox and I aren’t hidden from view, and I know no matter how badly I want to stay in this place, we have to meet them, too.
“Come on, Mama. I’ll hold your hand,” Knox says softly, sliding her hand into mine. I wonder when she got to be so grown up, and then I realize that maybe I did this to her. I made her grow up a little too quickly.
J.R.’s parents stand there on my burnt orange rug. They smile at their son, and I am beginning to think this might actually be a genuine reunion. I would never tell J.R. this, but I’ve got suspicions. Who just comes back into someone’s life out of the blue? Well, besides myself.
They aren’t what I thought they would look like, but then again, I didn’t have a photo or anything to get a visual. J.R.’s mom, Ellie, is sort of short like me, but she’s beautiful. Her eyes are blue and gentle. She’s applied her makeup meticulously, and she wears her short, blonde hair in a pixie style. Ellie wears a pair of jeans, nice leather boots, and an olive-green sweater. J.R. is nothing like his mother, but then, he also seems to be completely made up of her every attribute.
Roger, J.R.’s dad, is handsome, and it makes sense to me why J.R. is the most handsome man I’ve ever laid eyes on. With his genetics, it was impossible for him to be anything else. Roger has blue eyes, too, and I know now that my dark eyes never stood a chance against all of these beautiful, blue-eyed genes. His hair is gray, cut short, and he wears a pair of jeans with a nice, navy blue sweater. His shoes—made of leather, too—look as though he had just shined them this morning.
J.R. doesn’t look like he fits in with them. Not with his long hair, black jeans with holes in the knees, and his open, gray shirt. He looks so unkempt, but that’s one of the things I love most about him. The way he can make unkempt look kempt.
As Knox and I move closer to them, their eyes move to greet us. I wish I were invisible. J.R. puts an arm around me.
“Mom, Dad, meet Rachel and Knox,” he says proudly.
“It’s nice to finally meet you,” I say, shaking each of their hands.
Knox holds out her hand, too. “Nice to meet you.”
J.R.’s mom and dad smile as they each shake my hand and then Knox’s tiny hand.
“You’ve certainly done well for yourself, J.R.,” Ellie says. “Your girls are beautiful.”
J.R. smiles at me, and then he looks at Knox. “Knox, do you want to show them around? Take ‘em out to the boat?”
I’m not sure about this. There’s so much that hasn’t been said. I could see Knox saying it all if she’s left unsupervised.
“To the boat? Is it safe for her to go out to the boat without you?” Roger asks.
“It’s fine. I know what to do,” Knox assures him.
“Let her show you around,” J.R. says to them.
“Just know that I’m not responsible for anything that comes out of her mouth,” I joke, but honestly, I’m not really joking. I don’t want to be held responsible for anything Knox may confess to them.
Ellie is hesitant as Knox takes her hand, but reluctantly, they follow her out the back door and to the dock.
I exhale deeply as soon as they are out of sight like I’ve been holding my breath for hours. I bend over with my palms on my thighs. “I wish I could drink.”
“Why are you so nervous?” J.R is laughing at me, and I’m not sure I appreciate it. He puts his hand on my back in an effort to comfort me. It doesn’t do much good. Not with him laughing at me, too.
I stand back up straight and look at him. “I don’t know.”
“I think it went well. The initial meeting is the hardest. It’s smooth sailing from here.” J.R. smiles at me with assurance, but I’m not so sure.
