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“Amia Liv,” I say out loud, repeating the name I’ve written on the napkin more than fifty times. I look up at J.R. and Knox, both of them sitting by the window gazing at our baby as though they’ve never seen a tiny human like this before. I wait for a reaction from both of them.
J.R. looks up at me. “Amia Liv?”
“It means beloved life,” I say, and I stare back down at the napkin. “Amia.” The name rolls off my tongue so gently. So pleasantly. It’s lovely. Absolutely lovely.
“I like it,” Knox says, but I think she sounds unsure.
I’m unsure, too. I love Amia, but the Liv part is throwing me for a loop. “What about Amia Dawn?” I look up at them again. Their blue eyes seem to lighten at the new suggestion, and I think maybe we’ve finally landed on a name.
“Amia Dawn,” J.R. says, looking down into our daughter’s face. He looks back up at me and smiles. “Amia Dawn.”
I smile, satisfied. “Amia means love. Dawn is for second chances.” Isn’t that what this new baby represents? A second chance?
Knox squeezes in next to J.R., and she looks down at her sister. “Hi, Amia.”
“She looks like an Amia,” J.R. says, and then he wraps his free arm around Knox. “Amia and Knox.”
Knox smiles as J.R. kisses her cheek, and then she flashes her blue eyes at me. I smile at her, and I think that we will never be more content than we are right here in this moment. The four of us. A family complete.
Kelley makes sure that all our things are packed before we leave the hospital. I even catch her snatching a few of the hospital baby blankets, and I cut my eyes at her as she does.
“They want us to take them,” she snaps at me, and I’m pretty sure we went through this when Knox was born, too. Adam laughs at us as he packs the cart with all of the items we need to carry home. It’s funny—I came to the hospital with nothing but the clothes on my back, and we’re leaving with so much more.
“All right, the truck is at the front door, ready to take us home. Are we ready?” J.R. asks.
“Ready,” I say.
“Ready,” Knox adds.
“Let’s go.” J.R. slides the handle of the car seat where Amia is sleeping peacefully over his arm. Knox takes J.R.’s free hand, and Kelley throws a couple of bags in my lap so that she can push the wheelchair that J.R. insisted I ride in on our journey to the truck. It wasn’t just his insistence. It’s actually hospital policy, but are they going tackle a new mom on her way out of the hospital because she’s not in a wheelchair? I doubt it.
I’m sad leaving the hospital, mainly because I wish we were going home to the island. I wish we were taking our Amia Dawn to our home, but the barn will have to do for now. I wonder if we'll get to go home. It’s too soon to ask J.R. We haven’t even buried Roger yet. We aren’t even sure what Ellie will do. I’m ready, though, to go home and resume life as it was.
“I think you should rest,” Kelley says plopping down on the couch next to me. “Amia is sleeping. It’s been a long day, and we have a funeral tomorrow.”
“Yeah.” I roll my head to look at her. “I’m not tired, though.”
“At least lie down,” she says. “Let me help you up the stairs.”
“I’m not crippled.” I laugh at her. “I’m fine here.”
Kelley gives up, and she settles in next to me. “You’re ready to go home, aren’t you?”
She has always had the inept ability to read my mind. Sometimes, it freaks me out.
“I mean, this place is beautiful, but I’m ready to go home.”
“How does J.R. feel?”
I shrug. “We haven’t talked about it. Amia came before she was supposed to, and Roger died before he was supposed to. It’s all very overwhelming. I can’t ask him. Not right now.”
We sit there together like old times, communicating in silence. My head is resting on the back of the couch, and I feel my eyelids grow heavy. Maybe I am tired. Maybe I should sleep while Amia is sleeping.
39
May 2002
“What if we buy a house together?” J.R. took a big bite of pizza and then looked at me with anticipation from across the table.
