AllFreeNovel
Share Us
“Aw come on, I’m only joking. So, you got past first base too, huh? ‘Cos I know Romeo here sure as hell hasn’t.”
Ellie was aghast, and her anger and frustration boiled over before she had a chance to temper it.
Barging into the den, she planted herhandson her hips and gave them all a piece of her mind.
“Is that what this is, some kind of joke to all of you?” she shouted angrily, barely even acknowledging their shocked and shamed expressions.
“Because if that’s the way you’re going to discuss me, then you can just take me back to town right now. I’m not a damn object.”
Cody held his palms up in supplication and then waved a hand to stop the other two from both talking at once.
“Hey, it’s not like that at all,” he reassured in what she thought of as his soothing daddy voice.
Except she knew even he couldn’t make this right, no matter how hard he tried.
“It’s more a friendly rivalry, because we’ve all become attached to you and we all care about the outcome. It’s natural for us to judge our chances.”
“Well, when you work it out, be sure to let me know what conclusions you’ve come to,” she tossed back at them, tears of frustration forming in her eyes because, as hard as she tried, this was the one crucial answer that she didn’t have for them and it was more and more obvious that they had come to the point where they were expecting one. How much longer could she string them along for? Not that it was deliberate in any way, shape or form, but her lack of a clear favorite was tantamount to the same thing.
Why couldn’t she choose?
She spun away and ran towards the stairs, trying to keep a hold on the sobs that wanted to escape. She refused to break down in front of them, but the truth was, the longer this went on, the more confused she became, the more she felt like she was leading all three of them on, and the harder it seemed to become to make the decision they all deserved.
She got up to the first landing, oblivious to their thundering footsteps hammering behind her, before Cody finally caught hold of her arm and spun her around.
“Hey,” he said with a concerned frown. “What’s the matter. Why are you so upset? We weren’t serious, honest. It was just a bit of horseplay. We can wait, I promise.”
He said it with such sincerity, those blue eyes deepening with such concern, that the tears she’d been trying torepressbroke freeofthe dam that had been holding them back and over spilled from her eyes.
Cody tried to pull her close, but she was excruciatingly aware of Syrus and Ezra behind him, so she just couldn’t allow it. Because she didn’t want it to look like she was playing favorites.
“Don’t you see?” she sobbed. “I can’t make a choice! I want to, really I do, and I’ve tried; I truly have tried, but every time I think I’ve come to a decision, something throws me off or make me second guess myself. I’m sorry. Maybe I should just leave, because I know this isn’t fair on any of you, and it’s not fair on me either.”
“No!”The emphatic denial came from all three of them at once.
Ellie took a deep breath and wiped her cheeks withtheheel of her hand.
“Do you not understand?” she implored, earnestly. “I don’t think it’s ever going to change!” Her voice had taken on a high, volatile pitch, and she was having to squeeze out the words past the lump in her throat, but honesty was the only option at this point. “I like all of you for different reasons. You all have specific traits that call to me and make me want to keep you.”
She looked over Cody’s shoulder to Ezra. “I love Ezra’s playfulness. He transports me to a time that’s been absent in my life, and it’s like experiencing the childhood I never had. I never even realized it was missing until he showed it to me, and I don’t want to let that go.”
She turned to Syrus, who stood next to him. “And then there’s Syrus. He weaves a romance and sensitivity into my life that I’ve never had. Someone who thinks about me for a change, and that is so damn precious that I never want to lose it. And just so you know, the fact that he wants to do more than just get into my pants makes him just as attractive as you too turning up the heat factor,” she told the other two with a sniff.
Finally, her eyes moved to Cody and her voice lowered to an aching murmur. “Then there’s Cody, who gives me the dominance and the discipline that I’ve never had and who takes control so I have the blessed chance to rely on someone other than myself for a change and makes me feel so safe and secure that I just want to curl up on his knee and stay there forever.”
She looked at the three of them who were silent now, just staring back at her. Perhaps they realized the futility of it and finally accepting that this would never work.
“And aside from all of that, the attraction I feel for each one of you is intertwined. I want all of you; I want each of you so desperately.” Her voice had tapered off to a hushed whisper.
“But I just don’t think I can choose between you.”
She gave them all one final, sad look. They understood now, she knew, and her heart was almost breaking knowing that this was really goodbye. That she couldn’t, in good faith, stay here and lead each of them on any longer. And they knew it too.
Trying her best to swallow around the lump in her throat, Ellie turned away and headed resolutely towards her room. She’d pack straight away and get out of here quickly. There was no point in beleaguering the situation and making it worse for all of them. It would be the kindest thing to do all around.
They could look for three new wives and she could wrap up her memories of them and take them out when she needed them to keep her warm or make her laugh or feel secure.
Maybe, in the fullness of time, it wouldn’t hurt so much to remember everything she was losing, just because she couldn’t bring herself to make a choice.
