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I know I’m insecure because I’ve done things that I never thought I would. Callan asked me to dinner. We slept together on essentially our first date. Ever since that night, I’ve been living here. Things have gone too fast. I’ve crossed lines and made it too easy. Men prefer women who are a challenge, right? Callan pursued me hard when I was pushing him away.
I’m an idiot.
I walk downstairs still trying to figure out what I need to do. Everything is just awkward. It’s ridiculous that after all we’ve shared that I don’t know how to ask him to share his feelings.
Callan is slowly pacing while on the phone. I try not to interrupt him because he’s talked about a big mediation he’s been working on. I’m hoping that’s part of the reason he’s been quiet lately.
I start to turn around to go wait for him in the kitchen when I hear him talking in a hushed, yet stern, voice.
“That’s not good enough, Denessa.” Callan seems really put out. I’ve never heard him talk to anyone like this before. “You knew going into this that I was going to be very hard to please. I have a long list that I needed from you. The bedroom is a major component of that list and clearly that has been lacking each and every time.”
If there was a sound to a heart breaking, it would be echoing all around me right now—alerting Callan to the fact that I’m standing here. I can’t seem to breathe. Time stops. The world is crashing around me as the truth hits me with the force of a .357 Magnum. I try to hold onto all the sweet words that Callan has given me, but he makes it impossible when he continues.
“Listen, Zoe is upstairs taking a shower. The last thing I need is for her to come down and hear me. I’m tired of talking about it. You know what I want and you’re not delivering.”
He pauses as thisDenessatalks.
“Fine. I’ll give you one more chance, but if you can’t give me what I want, I’ll find someone who can.”
My eyes burn with unshed tears as I bite my lip to the point that I can taste the coppery metallic taste fill my mouth. I don’t let up. If I did, I would cry out in pain. I run to the table to grab my phone and overnight bag that I left earlier. There’s a pen and paper lying on it, because Callan and I made a grocery list the other night. I grab it and scribble out a note that Emilia had to pick me up because my boss needed me to report to work earlier than anticipated. I add that I didn’t say goodbye because he was on the phone. I promise to call him later. That’s not happening, but my small lie is nothing compared to all of the ones he’s been feeding me. Hell, leaving a note is probably stupid, but I don’t want him to call me.
I never want to hear his voice again.
I creep out of the house, quietly closing the door behind me as I kick myself for being such a fool. I thought there was something special between us, but I was wrong. I thought we were building something special. It felt real. I mean, he even loaned me his spare Mercedes to drive to and from work.
What kind of guy loans a girl a Mercedes if she’s nothing more than an easy lay?
I make a 9-1-1 text to Emilia, asking her to come get me while speed walking away from Callan’s house. We arrange for her to pick me up from the Shop-N-Go on the main drag on the way to his house. Only when I’m a block away do I allow my tears to fall. When they do, I can’t get them to stop. I’m a blubbering mess. My heart is broken, and I don’t think it will ever be whole again.
Chapter22
Zoe
Emilia cameup with a genius plan to go hide out in St. Augustine. With her father out of town with Niko, she was afraid her family would constantly barrage her with bullshit. She decided to take advantage of our combined issues and get us a room where we couldn’t be traced.
I agreed easily. Hell, the truth is, I wanted somewhere to hide and wallow in my shame. I feel like a fool, and I don’t want to face anyone. To ensure that no one could locate Emilia—it’s not like anyone would be looking for me—we’ve been using cash for everything. Emilia had some. I withdrew some of my savings so I could help too.
I thought Callan might try to call me at least once, but he didn’t. I’ve called my house daily, telling my dad I’m just on a short girl’s trip. Each time I fished for information to see if Callan had called the house, but Dad keeps saying no.
God, it hurts every time I realize what a fool I’ve been. It’s been three days since my world ended and that time has healed nothing. I don’t feel even an ounce better than I did when I left Callan’s. If anything, I’ve slowly sunk to a point where everything hurts worse. Even lying here on the beach with my best friend leaves me miserable.
The sun is shining. It’s a beautiful day. I should be happy. Instead, I just hurt. Emilia is reading, but I just stare out at the endless ocean.
I replay that day at Callan’s in my head and I can’t hold it in any longer. “He had a freaking list, Emmie! A list! What do you suppose is on the list? Is it things he likes in the bedroom? A bucket list of things he wants to do to a woman? We fucked like rabbits, and he never showed me a list. Did I suck in bed so much he didn’t want to give it a shot?” I ask, throwing my arms out in exaggeration.
“Zoe!” Emilia whispers harshly.
“I’m serious! Why couldn’t he have given me the list? I’m sure I could have rocked his world. I know I could. I’ll tell you what I ought to do. I ought to find out exactly what’s on his list and give it to him so good I ruin him for any other woman and walk away. I’ll tell him to go fuck himself and shove his list where the sun doesn’t shine. That’s what I should do.” I cross my arms over my chest and heave a heavy sigh.
“I don’t know who he is, but I can show you my list, baby,” a man calls out.
I look over at Emilia and see a group of men standing near us, listening to my outburst. Some of them are actively gawking at me.
“Ew!” I grimace.
“I tried to tell you,” Emilia says.
“Move along!” I shout. “There’s nothing to see here.” I wave them away. Emilia is beet red as she starts laughing.
