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Lizzie didn’t know I asked myself the same question daily, and I resented myself for only being able to look at her in that moment. I didn’t have a response. I could only try and offer compassion through a squeeze of her shoulder.
“I wish I had an answer for you, Lizzie, and Avery and Sean.”
She closed her eyes, and I noticed her jaw clench before she inhaled a shaky breath that rattled us both. Lizzie cracked the door, peeking inside before fully opening the panel. She waved to the brunette who read a book to sleeping Avery. I found solace in knowing she was asleep because that was the best place to be if you couldn’t do something about the real world.
“Noah.” Lizzie turned to me once she stepped into the room. “You can come in if you want.”
“You were there for Avery and Sean,” the brunette whispered, and I felt like an idiot for not catching or remembering her name. “You can stay.”
“Ella,” Lizzie asked of the other, and I silently thanked her for reading my mind, “would you hand me my bag? I need ibuprofen.”
“Your head hurts?” I inquired, both women responding with blank expressions.
“No,” Lizzie replied. I wanted to tell her to drink just water, knowing she’d cried herself into dehydration, but felt it was too soon to offer advice, especially when I wasn’t wearing my uniform. Ella and Lizzie exchanged the bag, and Lizzie swallowed two tablets with a cup from Avery’s bedside table.
I crept closer to Avery, checking the machines around her bed and ensuring she at least appeared comfortable. I couldn’t believe she was pregnant, and I wish I knew earlier at her condo. I would’ve done more to care for her, to console her or check her out better…I just didn’t know. I felt like I failed her.
“Jesse’s your husband?” I turned to Ella, watching her cheeks pinken at the mention of his name. She nodded at me, smiling faintly, before returning to her book and Avery. I was relieved for Avery that she was wearing clothes, no longer a victim of hospital negligence. Lizzie was staring at me when I turned around, her hands pressing into her hips.
“What else do you have under that shirt?”
“What?” I laughed, caught off guard again by her bluntness.
She grinned, nodding to me. “What other tattoos do you have? Mermaid, totem pole, flowers…it’s quite an eccentric variety of ink. I only have three tattoos.”
“You only have one.” Ella snickered from Avery’s bed. It sounded incredibly innocent, pulling my focus to the bed once more while the two continued talking about Lizzie’s tattoos.
“You haven’t seen the other two because you don’t get to look where those are,” Lizzie mocked, definitely getting my attention. Ella grumbled something, shaking her head at Lizzie and returned to the book she read to Avery. I couldn’t follow along, but it was some kind of fairy tale or romance novel. I didn’t listen after a few sentences with elaborative descriptions of the male character’s eye color. Somehow eyes and food comparisons didn’t mix; I didn’t get it.
I met them only hours prior, but being in the company of Ella, Lizzie, and even Avery was cathartic. Ella and Lizzie’s quiet banter, the blatant difference in their personalities, and their calm voices were helping me forget so much of the last week. I wish I knew more, anything, about Sean to relay to them, or even that I knew which doctor to talk to about his progress.
While Lizzie and Ella whispered at Avery’s bedside, I took a seat on one of the vinyl chairs near the foot of her bed, leaning forward with my forearms pressed into my thighs. Some time passed before Lizzie and Ella left Avery’s bed and found other spots in the room to rest.
“I can stay if you two want to take a break,” I offered, watching Lizzie pace once more, this time closer to me.
“No.” She came to sit next to me, lifting my left arm to pull back the sleeve in search of more tattoos. She found the small map outlining the Great Lakes and traced a finger along each line. “I don’t want to leave her.”
Our heads shot up in unison when the door opened, a doctor and some nurses entering. I was comforted to see Dr. Raji first, having worked with her before on emergency cases. She greeted me with a standard nod and smile, taking a moment to register who I was out of uniform. They poked around Avery’s bed, gently placed their hands along her stomach, and muttered medical jargon that were too many wasted words to express that Avery and her pregnancy were fine. They wouldn’t be fine, though, not until anyone knew about Sean. While the doctor and nurses checked on Avery before leaving, I felt Lizzie’s finger tickle my forearm.
“She’s sedated,” she muttered at my side. “Is that safe for the babies?”
“Plural?” I met her concerned gaze and let my eyes wander once more to Avery. I wouldn’t have known she was even pregnant with one baby, but I’d only seen her in Sean’s shirt during a crisis. I felt guilty. I would’ve done things differently, handled her more gently, done more had I known. Lizzie was staring at me expectantly, like I held all the answers, her blue eyes wide and tearing once more.
“They’ll be okay,” I tried to reassure her, placing my hand over hers while she traced the lines of my tattoo. “They wouldn’t do anything to risk Avery’s life or the babies.”
Lizzie was quiet, but her fingertips trembled against my arm. “The doctor said she can see Sean today.” Thank God.
I heard Avery’s small moan, a light whimper as she came to. She rolled onto her back and stretched her arms at her side. Lizzie’s chair slammed into my knees as she bolted from it, Ella racing her to Avery’s bedside. It took a few more minutes before her eyelashes fluttered opened, revealing blurry green eyes. Avery groaned, muttering Sean’s name. I pulled my hands along my face, trying to fight what I felt for Avery’s emotions in that moment. I sat back, giving the women some space.
“Lizzie,” Avery finally spoke, reaching for Lizzie’s hand, “ask my doctor why I’m still here. I only fainted. It’s happened before. I’m not sick, I’m not dying, and I’m fine enough to be discharged.”
She was panicking. There wasn’t anything Lizzie or Ella could do but console her, and none of them could handle any of the information the doctors tossed around. I felt horrible, even responsible, although I’d just met them all. It was guilt, a familiar consequence whenever my heart and sleeve tied knots around each other. I had to do something.
“Hey,” I whispered, attempting to calm her, “Avery. You’ve been discharged. They just wanted to monitor the babies after you fainted and probably buy time.” I froze when Avery’s eyes landed on mine, hers wide and terrified. “They were probably trying to protect you and the babies, if something were to go wrong with Sean,” I mumbled apologetically. “They do that all the time.”
Lizzie’s expression was filled with disgust. “So,” she scoffed at me, “the hospital charges her insurance thousands of dollars to prevent her from running around like a lunatic because they might not have an answer when she wants one?”
It was the truth, but no words could answer that ridiculous suggestion. I held my hands defensively, trying not to laugh at Lizzie’s bluntness while stifling my thoughts of how surprisingly hot it was. I stared at my lap, wondering what my next steps were.
