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“I’m not going as your date.”
Rhys’s grin broke through the foggy air as he extended his hand for me to take, as if the gesture worked on so many other women. I let my gaze pause on his hand, wondering if the thin leather band tied in a knot next to his watch meant anything, or if the tattoo it covered was his only dabble of ink, before accepting his hold and following him off the curb. Once we made it over the puddle, I pulled my hand from his and crossed my arms as I followed him through the rain and back to my sister for their ridiculous lunch party.
I spent the luncheon avoiding people, which was easy because rich people who wouldn’t notice if I died crammed to the corners. Not that I minded. I was just eager to get Sadie out and back home with me. The more time I spent away from home, the more I worried about calling Benji or mom. I considered asking to use one of the rich peoples’ phones, rather they pay the long-distance rate than me, but I felt stuck.
Sadie and Matthew found time to change clothes, her miniskirt gone and black silk dress replaced. Her dyed platinum strands hung in perfect order, while I twisted my soggy locks into a knot at the base of my neck. Rhys was…whatever. At one point, an old man approached me, demanding I refill his champagne, while two women in pearls asked me where they could find more caviar. My jetlag and I were beyond ready to leave London far behind us.
My sister was a different person in that crowd, but totally familiar. Sadie was always the center of her universe, thriving on attention from others and flawlessly becoming whoever people expected her to be. I thought back however many hours ago it was, my brain muddied with jetlag and time zone changes, to sitting in front of the mirror in our childhood room plastered with pictures of her attempts at everything.
It felt like another day passed by the time Rhys and Matthew finally drove Sadie and I to the airport, Matthew and Sadie moping about leaving on their engagement day, me reminding them both that Sadie agreed to come home for the holidays before she knew she was getting engaged. Rhys was quiet and smiling at me every once in a while, whenever we’d catch a glance in the car. I don’t know why I noticed or, better yet, why I even looked again. And again.
Matthew’s driver was efficient with time, but that didn’t make it any less annoying to sit next to Sadie and Matthew while they sucked face. At one point, Rhys turned from the passenger seat, offering me a sympathetic smile, but we arrived at the airport, so I looked away. I trailed behind everyone, Sadie and Matthew fused at the lips as we strolled through the terminal. Rhys carted Sadie’s four suitcases just a few steps ahead of me.
“Would you just walk?” I demanded the tenth time he purposely stopped walking, so I’d tumble over the leopard print luggage.
“Don’t kidnap her,” Matthew warned, his joke failing, once we stood in the terminal outside of security. I caught Rhys rolling his eyes behind Matthew, staring up at the ceiling with an expression I could only assume was mirroring the irritation I struggled to refrain.
“Don’t forget of which country she’s a citizen,” I replied, forcing an artificial smile. Matthew threatened his own life when he asked me for a hug, which I only returned because Sadie pleaded with her big brown eyes. Stuck in his arms, I had to admit I would’ve fallen in love with him for two seconds just because of his cologne. That’s all, though, just two seconds and only because of the smell.
Clutching my purse, waiting for the security agents to mock the stupid book inside of it, I turned to Sadie. “Let’s go,” I told her, nodding toward the line. With tears streaming down her blushed cheeks, she looked between Matthew and me, leaping into his arms once more.
Rhys chuckled at my side, placing a warm hand on my shoulder. “This is the longest goodbye,” he joked. “Permission to bid you farewell, Mia?” I turned to him, watching his hand fall and his arms limply open while he smiled at me.
“Bye, you creep.” I gave into Rhys’ hug.
“Bye for now, you gorgeous, overprotective, overbearing granny,” he replied, softly kissing the top of my head. When arguing with myself about how goosebumps spread across my scalp, I swore off the United Kingdom.
Sadie was a gooey, wet mess on the plane until we were halfway across the Atlantic and she zonked out. Nuzzled against my shoulder, she imprisoned me between her and a man with horrendously foul-smelling boiled eggs, which he meticulously peeled between belches. I wanted to be anywhere else in that moment, even smashed between our mom’s book club members listening to them analyze my lack-of-a-love life while offering just the right book as treatment for my condition.
With the emotional chaos of the last who-knows-how-many hours and jet lag, I should’ve been snoring harder than Sadie, but I just couldn’t bring myself to sleep. I tried, but my nerves and the eggs kept me awake. Somewhere between the man eating his final snack and releasing a potent belch, he fell asleep as well. I hated everything about that moment.
Twisting the strap of my purse to try quelling my disgust and imposing rage, the weight of it felt heavy in my lap. Glancing through that stupid book couldn’t possibly make things any worse, and could only actually make it better by giving me a chance to laugh at the ridiculous recommendations for finding the one.
I had so many thoughts before even reaching the table of contents. From the author’s dedication to the soap-opera quote she used, I was struggling not to laugh out loud. The first chapter focused on what I’d done wrong by not loving myself, how I couldn’t possibly be worthy of love without understanding the language of a man. My mom had her funny moments, but this was comedic gold. Somehow, I’d read three chapters before we began our descent, and I’d only half-regretted it. After all, I just learned everything that led to my relationship ending, the reason I wasn’t married with ten kids and our two-and-a-half dogs in the mansion with three cars, was because I didn’t love myself enough.
As soon as the captain announced we could remove our seatbelts, I was shaking Sadie awake and barreling into the aisle to be as far from our row mate as we could get. I quit eggs on that trip, eggs and the United Kingdom. I was still unsure about how much I’d quit my family, especially after mom kept me more entertained than she’d ever know.
When we finally made it to baggage claim, Sadie was throwing up into a trash can while I collected her suitcases from the rotating belt. She whimpered about her phone not getting service, nothing close to a thank you, and followed me out to the taxi line.
“I missed New York,” she told me as we stood in the cloud of exhaust.
“This isn’t good for your baby,” I reminded her. “We need to get a cab quick. Also, I’m tired and need a break from you.” Waving to the next available cab, I waited for the driver to acknowledge me before towing Sadie’s stuff behind us. He offered to help me stuff it all into the trunk, but something about shoving it in by myself helped relieve some of the ick I harbored.
“My phone still isn’t getting service,” Sadie complained when I joined her in the backseat, tossing her phone into her purse in a huff. “Can I use yours?”
“To make my bill three times as much as it already is? No,” I scoffed.
“Mia,” she rolled her eyes, “I’m not calling Matty. I’m just going to install that messenger app and let him know we made it back.”
I turned to her, lifting an eyebrow. “Matty?”
She blushed. “I love him so much.”
While Sadie reached into my purse for my phone, I stared at her with my mouth gaping wide in disbelief. “Sadie,” I quietly snapped, catching the driver’s eyes in the rearview, “I can’t believe how selfish you are. I flew across the country, dealt with your new family, spent hours with whoever the hell Rhys is just so you could enjoy your surprise engagement, I let you drool on my shoulder for six hours while suffocating on the stench of the guy next to me, then I lug your crap across JFK, and you seriously can’t even show an ounce of gratitude.”
“Well, it’s too heavy for me to carry all that around. You’re the one telling me everything I am exposed to will hurt the baby!”
“Are you kidding me right now?” I snarled, glaring at her when she looked at me after finishing whatever she’d done with my phone. “This isn’t about me advising you. This is about you being a brat. When we get to mom’s, I’m not staying. I need a break from you.” I reached for my phone once it buzzed in my purse, grazing the glossy book as my fingers searched.
