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His weight shifted, and I watched him turn to rest his forearms on the railing, joining me in looking at the river. As he lifted his left foot to a beam on the railing, he leaned a little closer to me.
“I told you before that the conversation about last weekend was over, but I don’t really think it is. Why do you think I was striking out, playing like I was in college, unable to focus on the field? It’s my one sacred place, where it’s just me and the game, but I was a mess.” He lifted his gaze to mine, but I was too worried to meet his eyes. “Why do you think that was?”
“Because you’re practicing abstinence to avoid another news scandal and it finally caught up with you?”
Rowan nudged me with his shoulder. “Maybe.” I followed his lead when he stood up from leaning over the railing. “Or maybe it’s because I was a jerk to you and you’ve made me consider more than myself these last few weeks.” Wrapping his arm around my shoulders, he asked, “Ready to go? I may have invited Ezra and his new lady over to borrow a cat carrier.”
“That’s so random,” I giggled, smiling politely at someone who took our picture as we walked through the dining area and out the main doors.
“He’s allergic, and he got her a kitten.” Rowan rolled his eyes as he unlocked the car. “They’ve been dating for a minute, and the smitten kitten now owns his own.”
“I don’t trust men with cats.” In the quiet, I slowly turned to see Rowan gaping at me. “I don’t.” I shrugged. “It took me six years to get into this car with you and I still don’t know what’s going on in your mind.”
“You’d kill me if you did,” he replied, his lips parting into a devilish grin.
Pretty sure my legs were noodles when we got to his house, I faked a text message and told him I’d follow him inside in just a minute. What I wanted to do was call Aubrey, but I couldn’t.
Slipping out of the car, I took my time going into Rowan’s house, where he was already charming Ezra and Heather. Their laughter carried into the foyer, warming the space.
“Hey, you!” Ezra pulled me into a hug when he saw me. “Quit sneaking around and come in here.”
“I heard you got a kitten.”
“And they’re staying for a drink,” Rowan added, squeezing between me and the wall to reach into his pantry. “Ez, take Heather out on the patio. Meredith and I will be right out there.”
“Sure,” Ezra replied, winking at me. Giving him a thumbs up, I stood outside the open pantry door while Ezra and Heather left the kitchen. He held his arms around her, whispering something in her ear. They were cute. They were real.
While I was staring out the window, Rowan’s fingers wrapped around my wrist and he pulled me back into the pantry with him. “What?” I snapped, surprised. Vulnerable. Totally trying not to breathe as we crammed into the small area together.
“Thanks for coming tonight, especially on such short notice.” He told me, still holding my wrist while he reached above him for a bottle of wine. Did he know he was still holding me? “I can’t believe October’s right around the corner.”
“Why do you even need a fake girlfriend, Rowan? Come to think of it,” I thought back to the last few years, “I think Aubrey and I might actually be your longest relationships with women. Buddy,” I pouted, patting his chest, “I’m so sorry for you.”
“I love Aubrey,” he replied. “You’re just trouble.”
“I love you, too,” I mocked, sticking out my tongue at him while I took the bottle he handed me once he turned around, grinning at me. He followed me into the kitchen moments later, quietly pulling a corkscrew and four glasses from the cabinet next to his fridge.
“I hate dating,” he confessed, uncorking the bottle of red. “I don’t believe in romance.”
“You… what? With all of your stunts with me out there, surely you’ve seen at least a few movies?” Rowan walked over to me, lifting my chin so my gaping mouth closed. “You make it seem so easy.”
“Maybe it’s because I’m lying with you, Meredith.” He shrugged, stating what he thought was a fact. “You’re my friend. I trust you. That makes all of this easy. Do you have to go?”
Looking at the clock on his stove, I knew I had to go if I wanted to get any sleep. “No,” I lied. Rowan nodded to the backdoor, pulling a fleece from the back of a kitchen chair and carrying our wine glasses as I followed him out to the backyard.
Ezra and Heather were several feet away down in the yard, with her nose stuck in the roses. Once Rowan set everything down on a table, he took off the fleece and lifted it over my shoulders, holding the collar together as his eyes caught mine. There was a spark in his gaze. A small ember tickling its way out, but I couldn’t let it burn into me.
“My mom walked out on my dad when I was a kid. She wasn’t happy, and she didn’t think about whether I’d be happy. She didn’t fight. She just gave up. So,” his eyes met mine, “I don’t believe in romance and I don’t date.”
“But that’s not you or your future, Rowan.”
“It is when all I can think of is being a kid and watching my dad’s heart break. Everything I do is for him, to show him his sacrifices were worth it. But I draw the line at expecting anything else to come to me.”
“You want a family here someday,” I motioned around his backyard. “You told me that before.”
Rowan sighed, staring off at the gardens losing their luster in the autumn chill. “Maybe someday I’ll find someone who will love me enough not to leave.”
“You will,” I assured him. “If you can be the Rowan I get to see right now, then she’s not far away.”
