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Rain pelted the open windows in my living room, splashing onto me while I hung upside down. It was refreshing for a second before I slowly got up to close the window, moving like molasses so I didn’t pass out from the rush of blood.
The pane stuck, lodging in the warped frame while I struggled to close it. Groaning and wet, I tried one last time, finally getting it to slam. I scowled at the glass, taking a second to admire the rain from inside, when taillights flashed along the sidewalk below.
Oh no. I was not ready for company, and definitely too much of a mess for him, but I didn’t have time to even process what to say when there were three knocks on my door. I stood there in the middle of my living room when he knocked once more, my heart leaping into my throat.
The doorknob was fire under my clammy palm as I turned the deadbolt and opened the door, peeking only around the opened crack at Rowan.
“How has your time off been?” he asked, no other greeting after two weeks. He stared at me, his deep blue eyes wide beneath his slightly furrowed eyebrows. “Because mine has been torture.”
“You’ve been playing fine.”
“Fine isn’t what I strive for. That’s not why I have a contract. It’s not why I’m never home, or why I realize two weeks too late that I haven’t seen you.”
“You’re not here because you’re curious about my time off,” I noted, moving to the side as I held the door so he could come inside. “Look, let me explain Aubrey’s messages.”
“Great,” he crossed his arms, “because that’s all I’ve been thinking about since I got off the plane tonight.”
“You came here from the airport?”
He pushed up the sleeve on his raglan while rubbing his forearm, shrugging and looking at me like I shouldn’t think it was a ridiculous plan.
“Yeah. I’ve been wondering about how you’d consider dating me if I weren’t,” he took out his phone and read verbatim from Aubrey’s mistake of a message, “devastatingly gorgeous, full of myself, with enough money to pay rent for my groupies, and if I were actually ever home and noticed you.”
“I’m going to kill her.” I went to sit on my couch, closing my eyes tightly in hopes of him being a figment of my imagination when I opened them again. “Damn it.”
“I notice you. I’m here, aren’t I?” Rowan pressed, pulling on the back of his neck. His biceps bulged, distracting me from his serious tone.
“You never asked why I took time off.”
“Is this about my limits?” Rowan inhaled sharply. “Yeah. I got defensive and I have a wall, but it’s like no matter what I do, you come in when I least expect it and you break them down.” He moved to sit on the other end of the couch, turning to face me with his left leg tucked under his right. “That’s terrifying. I don’t do this. I just…” I watched him look away from me, his mouth parting without words. They left me, too, except for the rare few I reserved for chewing out Aubrey.
“Then why are you here?”
He cocked his head toward me. “I care about you, Meredith.”
“Well,” I blinked, pissed that the tingle of tears began behind my eyes, “it’s hard to hate you when you can pretend to be so good.”
“I am good!” He leaned closer, his sudden movement swirling his cologne around me. “I just didn’t know we were… Considering… That. And how am I supposed to feel when you’re actually listing reasons against me? I’ve worked too damn hard to not take pride in my career and what it’s offered. You should know, you’re in this bogus thing with me because you love your job.”
I wanted to crawl into a hole. Rowan was staring at me, waiting for something, and I couldn’t make a sound because that meant I’d have to admit to myself how hopelessly deep I’d fallen for him. There was one event left and then we’d go our separate ways. Then maybe I wouldn’t have to pretend like the way he was looking at me now wasn’t weakening every fiber holding me together. It wasn’t bogus, not for me, but now Aubrey had meddled and brought us to the point where Rowan drove here from the airport and I couldn’t answer him because I was the terrified one.
“I can’t do anything about my salary, but I promise the groupies aren’t who I’m after.” Rowan lifted his hand, gently gliding his knuckles across my cheek. “I’m not as arrogant as you think I am. But,” his palm spread around my shoulder, a wave of sparks fanning my skin, “I have limits.”
My stomach swirled, spreading warmth from my core the longer Rowan’s eyes burned into mine. Safe from the rain outside, the air was heavy, weighing us into the corner of the couch as I reached out for him. Limits. I had some, too, and they were being stretched just by sitting there. Waiting for him to say something, I hated myself for thinking of how wrong Aubrey was for thinking he could love me. That’s his limit.
“You should go,” I muttered, blinking free of his stare.
“I should.”
Rowan smiled at me for the first time that night and I wanted to return it and hope we could just make it through the last event we had for the contest, but there wasn’t time. He leaned forward, wrapping his arms around me as he flipped me onto my back beneath him.
He was heavy and warm, pressing me into the couch as his grasp tightened with one arm around me as the other held my head in his palm, lifting our faces together. We’d kissed, we practiced before, but the tentative way Rowan pressed his mouth around my bottom lip was torture. It meant more. I could feel it, and I also knew of his limits… And my heart.
It felt incredible beneath him, secure and desired. Rowan’s hand moved along my curves as I reached for his face, holding him as close to me as I could while twisting my tongue with his. He even tasted different, the delicious flavor of need. His lips trailed my throat, his touch melting away my thoughts with every shiver rippled from his mouth.
I wiggled beneath Rowan, my fingers working to lift his shirt. His stomach was hard, his skin burning with my touch. It was different, and I had to stop myself. I could’ve responded to the way Rowan’s body egged mine on, but I knew I would be the one suffering and I couldn’t do that.
“Rowan, stop.”
