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“Us? Huh?” I fumbled, not sure where to look as Rowan turned to me. Aubrey cheered him on as Rowan kneeled to lift me over his shoulder, carrying me out of the living room and through the hall to the guest bedroom.
The view from up there was amazing, but I couldn’t focus on how great his butt looked when he was charging us into another room so quickly and I started seeing stars as blood rushed to my head.
When he set me down, Rowan closed the door and paced back and forth at the foot of the bed.
“Rowan,” I uttered, holding my head in my hands, “I didn’t tell you it was me because it embarrassed me.”
“Now I’m embarrassed!” He snapped.
“Well,” I tried to humor him, “if it makes you feel any better, it was the best kiss I had in college.”
He stopped pacing, looking at me impassively. “Meredith, you hated me because of something I didn’t even know about.”
“I didn’t hate you like you were a villain.”
“You wrote your own narrative,” he snapped. “I made a mistake almost a decade ago, and you didn’t let it go.”
“Clearly, I have.” I turned to him, hoping he’d realize I’d finally moved on. After all the fake kisses.
“Fine,” he muttered, sitting next to me on the bed. “Next time, be honest with me. The first time.”
“The next time you kiss me because you think I’m someone else? I’ll tell you,” I laughed, patting his thigh. I shouldn’t have done that, even thought about touching him. It just came like a second language, the need to be near him, to feel him. His side was against mine, leaving me to wonder if he felt nearly as affected as me.
“I like arguing with you.” His voice was quiet. “It makes making up easier.”
Alone in that room, I couldn’t hear the party outside. Rowan’s warm palms cupped my cheeks, the comforting motion he’d done before that made me feel protected by his touch, letting me know, for a fleeting second, we shared a connection.
I slipped right back to how I felt before the party, confused and desperate for an answer.
“The grand gestures are fake, and they’ve been pulled off perfectly, but they’re not real,” I uttered, mostly to remind myself.
“Meredith,” Rowan uttered, his warm breath tickling my lips as we were inches apart. I wanted him to hold me, to touch him, to pretend we were somewhere public so it could happen. But it was happening right there, in private.
“Do you ever think you could do this and be serious?” I confronted him.
Rowan stared at me, and I knew his answer by the silence painting his lips. It was all I needed to know, permission for me to back the hell out. I inhaled a shaky breath and tried to ground myself, willing the strange burn of tears not to fall until I was out of Aubrey and Ethan’s.
“Meredith,” he called after me, “wait!”
I ignored our friends as I left, thinking only of sparing myself the scene and embarrassment of my broken heart.
I was opening my car door when he caught up with me, pulling on my shoulder to spin me around. My eyes were everywhere but on him. I didn’t like how much it hurt.
“I could’ve given you the money for your work,” he snapped. “So, why did you stay with me? It had to have been for more than what they offered with the stupid contest.”
“You needed me,” I confessed, resenting the tear falling from my cheek. “But it’s November, you hit great games, you made it to the World Series. Everybody loves you, and you don’t need me anymore.”
The fact I learned to need him was something else, something I’d keep to myself to protect my heart.
“That’s not true, Meredith.” His voice cracked, a weakness I never thought I’d see in him. I wanted to leave, I wanted to stay, I wanted to rewind and have ended this before it started, so I wouldn’t feel the pain.
“I’ll see you in a few weeks at the wedding,” I told him, wriggling from his hold and sitting in my car. Just keep it together. Don’t let him see you cry. I was not falling for my enemy turned friend turned lover turned… What were we? I couldn’t.
What was I thinking? I’ve hated Rowan as long as I can remember. I agreed to pretend to be his girlfriend so I could save my dream job, not so I could fall in love with him. Furious with myself, I ran up the stairs to my apartment and bolted the door, not making it beyond my couch before I crumpled into a ball.
I’d get over it, eventually. It was just a crush. It had to have been, because there was no way my heart could hurt so much from him. We pulled it off too well, fooling even me. That was the embarrassing part. I was such a fool.
“Meredith!” His voice broke through my headache while I cried on my couch. Rowan called my name two more times while he knocked on the door, his tone growing more frantic.
