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Bryant didn’t speak until they were at the bottom of the steps. ‘Guv, we could have got more. Maybe even a name.’
‘Yes we could, Bryant, but at what cost?’ she said, approaching the car. John wasn’t ready to face his experience at the clinic the way Stephanie had.
That had beenhisstory. They had been his fears. That was his tailored treatment plan they had forced him to recount. They were edging into territory that they didn’t understand. They weren’t professionals ready to deal with the aftermath of his pain because one thing was crystal clear.
There would come a time when John would realise that these things hadn’t happened to someone else.
FIFTY-THREE
My eyes open and the rest of my senses take a little while to catch up.
The darkness is still dense. It’s as though I haven’t yet raised my lids. I blink twice to prove the fact to myself.
For the first time I can hear something in the distance. It’s voices – or music. My mouth opens to cry out. I stop myself. Think first. Get the energy to make it count. Plan ahead.
The stiffness in my body is getting worse. My back has a line of pain stretching across the top of my buttocks. As I do the mental inspection of my limbs, I note that my arms have been brought to the front. Again. My mouth is uncovered. Again.
My heart leaps with excitement. That can only mean one thing.
The aroma of food breaks through the stale damp smell that has taken residence in my nostrils.
I feel in front of me, between my legs. There is a plate. I examine it like a blind person touching facial features. I want to know everything about it.
There is bread, a bun. I smell onions. There is a burger, cheese, salad and fries. I know I must be dreaming until I manage to pick up the bun with both hands.
As it travels towards my mouth, I recall my stubbornness with the sandwich. The stand I tried to make about control. The lesson I learned. My mind would like to try and resist, but my body slaps the thought away.
I bite into the burger. It’s real. Never have I tasted anything so wondrous in my life. I take another bite before I’ve swallowed the first. The cheese has melted onto the burger. It is like velvet in my mouth. I chew slowly and deliberately. Even the sensation of chewing is something to be treasured. How did I take such a thing for granted? I fight back the tears that threaten to spill out of my eyes. Two bites of a burger have brought every emotion swirling around my head to the fore. But mostly I am grateful. This is food and I am eating. Right now, it’s enough.
After chewing the third bite, my jaw tires, but I want more. I bite off another mouthful and leave it sitting inside my mouth as I try to gather the strength to chew again.
I want more but I can’t eat more. The fatigue is already starting to creep towards me.
I remember the music. It’s low but I can still hear it. I want to shout, but I don’t have the strength. I realise I made a choice. Eat or shout.
I swallow down the last bite of food before it moves to the back of my throat and chokes me.
My eyelids are drooping even though I want to stay awake.
I will rest for a short while and then use the strength from the food I’ve eaten to shout later.
Maybe then I’ll finally see my captor so I can ask them: why do they want me and when are they going to let me go?
FIFTY-FOUR
‘Okay, gang, it’s been quite the day,’ Kim said, sitting on the edge of the spare desk.
‘If we can do a five-minute round robin before you go, starting with Bryant.’
‘Guv, you were with me the whole—’
‘Yeah, but they weren’t and I’m parched,’ she said, reaching for her coffee.
‘Rightyo, we began the day at the torture chamber otherwise known as Change. All outward appearances offer no clue to what actually goes on. Obviously, we were given the tourist tour. We met the owners—’
‘Bryant, it’s called briefing for a reason – come on already,’ she interrupted, tapping her watch.
‘I’m being thorough. During our visit, the guv accidentally acquired the personal details of Stephanie Lakehurst, a previous patient at the clinic. We know that Jamie spent time there under his parents’ instruction and that Sarah went there of her own accord. We learned that—’
