Page 39 of Shameless


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We were none of that.

I won’t save your ass. After tonight, we’re back to being strangers.

“Ah, there he is.” The blond-hairedCaptainappears in the corridor, sending his horrifyingly beautiful smile my way. “Are you coming?”

Fear nestles right back in between my bones as awareness rises to the surface. That’s why they won’t look at him. His power is strong. To me at least.

“No, I need to go. I’ll be in touch for a future party.” I trail off, quailing under this man’s gaze, his dark eyes flashing like a field on fire, making my mind quiet down, and shut off. I put on my coat and let out a long yawn, the effect of that mindfuck somehow still lingering in my system. I’m exhausted.

I need to get back to the apartment right now. The crisp air at this late hour helps me to clear my mind, but as soon as my body hits the back of the car, I’m falling again.

Motherfucker must have gotten to me before I left.

“It’s already started.”

“Are you alright?” The female officer asks me.

“Yeah,” I mumble drowsily. “Am good. Tired. Connor?”

“Not yet. I’ll drop you off and have another officer wait for him.”

I somehow manage to stagger my way in, where I eye the empty bed, overwhelmed by brain fog.

Connor.

He’s not back yet, my heart screams. But my body’s sliding away into an irresistible sleep.

Chapter 15: Connor

This is the right thing to do. I may not feel it now, but it’s for the best. For my family, for The Business.

By the time I’m boarding the Paris to New York flight, my head’s pounding and my eyes are burning. From a lack of sleep and from the ache that’s settled like a parasite, draining my vital energy. It makes me feel drowsy, and that’s not just because it’s still early. Though I guess this has become our morning ritual—me sneaking off early after another night spent with the only man who’s ever made me feel this way. Only today, my departure is final.

My Austin is divine, though he’ll never really be mine. He even said as much himself, didn’t he? Not like in my dreams, but I knew that from the start, didn’t I? If anything, I should be grateful for what I’ve been given. All his attention, his snarls and his laughs, his dirty words and gentle touches…

It’s time to put him back where he belongs—safely tucked away in my daydreams. Life will continue, and we will become enemies. And my love for him will fade away eventually. It has to. Letting the image in my mind of his tousled, dark hair and long, strong limbs curled up against mine, vanish with time, leaving a blank, empty spot that my heart has permanently reserved for him.

I give the stewards a quick nod when I board the plane, then drop down onto my favorite seat in the front and make myself comfortable in the reclining position. I’m so tired. Last night was messy, with Xavier, or whatever his real name is, staying in the room. I waited for him to surrender to his fatigue, my knife safely kept under my pillow as I held Austin against my chest, needing to protect him. Good thing he wasn’t awake—he wouldn’t have appreciated being my little spoon.

I wonder what last night was like for him. Did he get wrapped up in any part of the orgy that was so chaotically heaving like a nest of ants? Or had he sought out the exclusive attention from a few of those fragile beauties in a plush bedroom? The thought makes my stomach churn. I squeeze my eyes shut, but can’t escape from the image of Austin making out with the blond Captain, his amused smile zooming in on my pained face.

No, I won’t go there.

I blink my eyes and force myself to think about the successfully installed spyware. Mia’s been helping me through the night, getting me on the first plane back, and setting up our phone tracking program. By the time I’m back across the Atlantic, she’ll hopefully have some news. Anything will do, at this stage, I’m not picky. Anything to keep my mind off him.

I close my eyes and almost immediately fade away into a cloud of images—Austin in the middle of a group ofTrésors, licking and suckling their way as they feast on his body—and I startle with a gentle hand of the stewardess on my shoulder, asking me if I’m okay.

I will be, one day. But right now, my mind’s a blur, fueled by love and guilt. Now that I know who he is and where he lives—Brooklyn Heights—I can’t imagine that I’ll never see him again. Crossing the bridge south, admiring the view fromtheirside of the city, won’t ever be the same. Will he remember me? Or will I be internally archived as the pathetic loser who had a college crush on him and who got caught jerking off to a picture of him, the hockey star, the coolest dude at college? I grunt at the thought.

At least I’ll hopefully go down in the history ofmyfamily as the one who took down The Void.

I hang on to that thought for the remainder of the flight back and even manage to drift off a few times. However, by the time I pick up my luggage and make my way toward the arrival hall, I’m tired and groggy.

“Connor!” Mia’s waving, her golden blonde curls bouncing on her shoulders, and her green eyes sparkle. She pulls her small hands around me and hugs me tight. “I missed you,” she mumbles against my ear. Samuel, my brother’s tall and brooding bodyguard, sends me a neutral nod of the head, then steps up and takes my luggage from me.

“It’s so,sogood to see you,” she murmurs in my ear. When she pulls back, she plants a big kiss on my cheek. “Seriously, things haven’t been the same since you were gone.”

“I’ve only been gone for a few days,” I correct her with a tease, though something flutters in my belly. Something featherlight and bubbly. I’ve missed her as well.

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