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“What?” Thompson asks. “What do you mean?”
Damn it all to hell! I stretch my neck a little and grab the steering wheel a little too tightly because I’m afraid they’re actually shaking a little. This situation with McKenzie is going to have to go away or it’ll come to a head. I turn the corner and try to come up with an answer. I see the sign for the strip club across the street from the deli, and it provides one. As I pull in next to my car, I say, “The strip club across town. Taboo Nights, I think.”
“Taboo Dreams,” Lopez says quickly. I turn the engine off and Thompson and I look at him, eyebrows raised. “I… I have a… I have a CI, there!” he says almost victoriously.
“Sure you do, kid,” I chuckle.
“What’s up with that club?” Thompson asks.
“I think French’s brother owns it,” I say. It’s true. His brother owns it legally but it’s probably a front to launder French’s money.
“You think French will go there?” Lopez asks.
“It’s a Hail Mary,” I say, “But I’m too pissed off to just go home.”
“You want us to go with you?” Thompson asks.
I shake my head. “No. Me alone, I’m just a cop at the club. They make two of us there…” I finish with a shrug. “You guys want coffee?”
They both want coffee, and they step out of the car. I reach into the glove compartment and try, and fail, not to look at the picture as I put it back on the rearview mirror. Then I step out and take a breath to steady myself. I remind myself the men aren’t in my head. They have no idea what drives my guilt or, for that matter, even that I’m guilty.
“Man,” Lopez says, “That girl is hot. I wouldn’t mind a few hours with her.”
I look around but I don’t see anyone. “Where? What girl?”
“Riley’s daughter.”
Hank and I often find ourselves in danger because of our line of work. In one sense, it’s run of the mill, and I no longer spend sleepless nights shaking as we replay the day’s gunfight in our heads. In another sense, I react the same now as I did as a fresh-faced rookie fourteen years ago. My pupils dilate, my senses enhance, and I am instantly aware of everything that happens around me with perfect clarity.
That is how I react now when Lopez mentions his attraction to McKenzie. The rest of the world fades around me and all I can see is Lopez in a sea of red while my own senses grow white-hot with anger. Before I can stop myself, I grab Lopez’s shirt, slam him against the car, and say, “You think that’s funny asshole? You want me to tell Hank what you said?”
The blood drains from Lopez’s face and his eyes go wide as dinner plates. He puts his hand over mine and weakly tries to push me away, but adrenaline lends me strength and I don’t move as he protests, his voice squeaking a little, “Man, let go! I was just saying she looks good! Obviously, I’m not gonna do anything!”
“Damn straight you won’t,” I growl at him. “Or I’ll make sure you can’t do anything with any girl ever again.”
I feel Thompson’s hand on my shoulder and my anger breaks instantly, replaced instantly by guilt. I allow Thompson to pull me away and avert my eyes while he says to Lopez, “Detective’s daughters are off limits, asshole. Wives, too, in case any girl over fifteen would give you a second glance.”
The danger passed, Lopez is no longer fearful and responds hurtfully, “What? I said I wasn’t going to do anything. I just said she’s hot. Don’t tell me you haven’t noticed.”
“How about you stop talking for ten seconds, rookie?” Thompson says after a quick glance back at me. It’s a good thing he glances back because he puts his hand on my chest as I step back toward Lopez. “You think you can do that? Can you shut the fuck up?”
Thompson directs his anger at Lopez, but his hand remains pressed against my chest, ready to hold me back if I throw myself at Lopez again. My guilt strengthens and fear mingles with it as I realize my reaction was over the top for someone simply trying to protect his partner’s daughter from the attentions of a rookie cop. I don’t imagine Thompson suspects my true feelings, but I come too close to giving them away.
“I’m heading out,” I say thinly, “You two enjoy your night.”
“Yeah, see you later, man,” Thompson says.
Lopez says, “What about Riley?”
“He has Stone’s phone number.”
Thompson keeps his hand on my chest until I back away and get back into my car. Then he leads Lopez away by the arm. The dejected rookie pauses as though to say something else to me and Thompson pulls him away.
I drive to Taboo Dreams and regret the events of the evening the entire way. I don’t actually want to go to the club. Even if French is there, there’s no way I’ll bring him in by myself. I want to just head home except that Lopez might want to show up and apologize and I want to make sure I’m where I said I would be.
Poor Lopez. He shouldn’t have said what he said, but there was no reason for me to jump on him like that. Thompson’s reaction was appropriate, the kind of reaction a veteran cop would have to a rookie overstepping his boundaries. My reaction was uncalled for, the kind of reaction a man would have to someone objectifying his lover.
I sigh and lift my hand, letting it fall back onto the steering wheel. “Dammit,” I swear softly.
