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Seeing the fight King had with Thomas was unsettling yesterday. I know that is what has me doubting him. Pictures of the confrontation flash through my mind sometimes and my heart races and I can feel panic clawing at me. I feel silly, but I can’t do much to stop it.
Everything has happened so fast. As a nurse, I need to be on my toes and ready for anything. My job literally requires me to roll with the punches and stay in control. I do it fine in a work setting. With my history with Mason though, it’s almost impossible to be that way in a relationship.
I can’t wrap my mind around the drastic change in King. In the hospital, he was protective of Thomas, to a level that you very rarely see except between close family members. He was asking us to take more blood even when he could barely focus because he was dizzy and weak. I just don’t understand what’s going on and it feeds my insecurities.
Anytime I try to bring my questions up, King says its club business. I guess I can understand that, but it doesn’t mean that I don’t feel like there are secrets separating us. It makes me feel uneasy. I even find myself wondering if King isn’t invested—truly invested—in having a relationship with me. Maybe he doesn’t trust me enough to let his guard down and maybe, he just views me as a temporary fix because he’s lonely. Either way I’m left twisting myself up in knots, not knowing what to do or expect.
I never wanted another relationship. Mason pretty much cured me of that. I truly didn’t want one where there wasn’t total honesty. Secrets lead to complications, and I don’t want or need anything complicated in my life anymore. I also want to come first with the person I choose as a partner in my life. I think with King I’m on a path where he will always be more devoted to the club than me. I sigh. If I was going to get invested in a relationship, I should have picked someone safe, nice, and boring like an accountant.
I shake my head, deciding to take a hot shower and get ready for bed. While my body goes through the motions, my mind won’t shut up. I thought I needed space away from King so I could figure things out. Yet, now that I have it, I want to see him. I’m stuck in a game of pull and tug with what I can see and what I feel.
It’s exhausting.
I take my time washing my hair and shaving my legs, letting the water wash away all the jumbled thoughts of the day. By the time I towel off and slip on my pajamas, I feel as if I’m dead on my feet. My bed is calling to me and my soft purple pajamas only help to make my eyes heavy.
As I snuggle into bed, my phone rings. My heart flip flops. My first thought is that King is calling me and I smile. The caller ID says it’s a private number. I never gave him my number, but he seems to be able to get information on me easily. Besides, I’ve seen enough to know MC clubs have access normal people don’t.
“Hello?” I ask. I sound breathless and I can feel heat blooming on my cheeks. It’s crazy how excited I am just to hear King’s voice. My heart is running away with me.
“Hey, Sunshine,” a deep voice croons in my ear. Only one person ever called me that. My heart stutters to a stop as the hair on my neck stands up. My blood runs cold making my hand tremble as I hold the phone to my ear. Panic—pure terror—claws at me.
Mason.
“Why are you calling?” I hiss. I used to think it was cute, but overtime his cute nickname became hated because he only used it to try and coax me back to giving him what he wanted after he had berated and belittled me.
“I missed you,” Mason drawls out. The way his breath crackles through the phone makes my skin crawl as if his lips are close to my ear.
“That’s not my problem,” I bite out.
“C’mon baby, we were good together. You have to miss me. You were like liquid fire in my arms. We were addictive together and I know how you loved my cock.”
Shame crawls through me. I can’t believe I ever gave this man my body. The memory that I slept with him makes me want to vomit. I think the hardest pill for me to swallow is that I gave him my body willingly long before he took it over and over and abused it without permission.
“The only thing you really miss is the money you used to take from me,” I snap.
It was just little stuff at first, I’d give him gas money or money for smokes. Overtime, as the abuse got worse, he made me cancel my direct deposit and cash my check in front of him so he could have it. He didn’t want me to have money to fall back on and leave him. I knew at the time that he had his own money, but I didn’t know he had other habits that he wasted his money on. Habits that only made his anger worse.
“Sunshine, you need to be more careful,” he drawls. “You’re baiting me and really need to control your tone.” His words seem to grow in anger as his cool demeanor slips. “If you had done that to begin with, we’d still be happy together.”
“You’re dreaming. We were never happy, Mason. Lose my number and leave me alone. We’re history. While you’re at it, stay away from the diner too. I know you’ve been there. Stay away from my grandmother or I’ll find a way to make sure you regret it. Remember I know things about you that I’ve conveniently forgotten. I might remember them again if you keep harassing me.”
I’m totally bluffing. I don’t know much at all. Mason doesn’t know that, however. He did get drunk or high a lot and spouted just enough nonsense that Mason thinks I know secrets, and have it secured somewhere to get him into trouble if something happens to me. Really, I just watch a lot of movies and that seemed a safe way to make sure Mason didn’t kill me—because God knows he came close a time or two.
I don’t wait for him to respond. I shouldn’t have even talked to him at all. The minute I heard it was him I should’ve hung up. My fingertips are numb as adrenaline hits me and I click my phone off. My entire body is a trembling mess and I’m gasping for breath as my panic and anger collide and roll through me like a tsunami. I throw my phone across the room, screaming. It’s not just a yell of frustration, but the type of scream that strains your vocal cords because it’s torn from your soul.
Mason has done nothing but ruin my life. How was I ever so stupid? I ignored all the red flags and warning signs until it was too late. I’m scared that my past with him is going to mess up what I’ve started with King. At the same time, there’s this small voice inside my head that keeps telling me that I’m making the same mistake again. Hearing from Mason just makes it all worse…
Chapter14
King
I’ve already gone by the hospital wanting to see Shelby. Being around her helps settle the raging war within me. The fight with T hurt more than I anticipated. He’s mad—real mad. Most of the club is too. I’ve been made to look like the asshole and while it’s what I wanted it didn’t feel great when I got smacked across my already sore face by Lyla once she found out about the fight. I feel like a stranger in the one place that has always been my home.
The next step will be worse. We’ve set it up so that I get into a very public fight with Grunt while on a routine border patrol. That’s where the prying eyes will be the most plentiful, seeing as its BMRR’s territory next to ours. We know they’ll hear about it. If they’re smart, their crew will be watching it. I know we don’t allow MC’s close to our property line without monitoring them. One or two might slip through but a group of men on bikes? Hell, no.
Truthfully, I’d like to call a stop to everything, but I can’t. I have to see this through. Still, it doesn’t make the fact that my brothers in arms are already avoiding me hurt any less. I feel like an outsider at the club. Once this fight with Grunt takes place, I’ll be treated like an enemy. After the shit with Sledge and his old lady, no one wants more drama inside the ranks.
I need to suck it up. I knew going into this it wouldn’t be sunshine and rainbows. It’s just now that I have Shelby in my life, I’m ready for this shit to be over. I don’t like knowing the target on my back is getting bigger while my club turns away from me—not when I finally have something in my life worth living for.
