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Her mouth pulls into a tight line. “You don’t get it. I’ve lived my whole life in the shadow of my last name and I’m sick of it. This business, this food ismything even if I fail, it’s mine. My creation, my passion, and I need everyone around me to understand that. Especially the man in my life.”
Click.
The sound of the door unlocking washes me with sadness because I know what’s about to happen. Edel is going to walk through those front doors alone and I’m going to be left standing here with my heart in my hands, again.
And then it does. But as I watch her walk away, calm washes over me. This time our story will have a different ending. Edel and I will finally get our happily ever after even if she can’t see it yet.
Chapter Five Edel
When I get home in the early hours of the morning, one thing is for sure, I can’t go back to sleep. I pace my apartment and run my fingers through Grinchy’s fur. He swipes at me, and that seems right for a day when I’ve both reunited and left the love of my life.
I lay down for another hour, but the morning sun blares in through my curtainless window.Dammit, I’ve got to finish unpacking.I bolt upright. “Okay universe, you win. Merry. Freaking. Christmas Eve. You want me up, let’s do it. I’m up.” Grinchy tilts his head at me. “Don’t judge me,” I mutter under my breath.
I grab a box cutter and slice open the first box I see. When its contents spill over, I let out a cackle of a laugh. “Of course! Of course,this box. Mom’s special memories. Yeah, let’s do it.” I grit my teeth thankful that there isn’t anyone here to witness my little meltdown, besides Grinchy of course, but he’s seen worse.
I open the lid and bite the bullet. If I’m going to blame being a Tiding for all the misery in my life, I suppose I should give my last name credit for the good things in my life too. But I can’t always remember the good things. Maybe there will be some in here.
The cardboard flap opens and a puff of stale air hits me in the face as I peer inside. It’s a combination of stale cinnamon and dried clay. Yum.
One by one, I take out the artifacts of my childhood. The first are from my early years, pre-mom’s marriage. The poor days. The days when the only expectations placed on us were to get to tomorrow. The pictures show a pre-flatiron me wearing unseasonable water shoes and oversized cartoon sweaters. My teeth are still crooked and in a lot them, I’m cooking with Everly. Warmth blooms in me at the sight.
I keep digging. There’s a handmade card from Emmett. I open it and read,happy birthday, I don’t like girls but since you're my sister I do like you, love Emmett.He was charming, even back then. The memories aren’t as jarring as I expected they might be. Instead, they’re comforting. They wrap around me like a warm blanket and I settle into them.
I take my time. I let myself dissolve into the life we used to have. Maybe Mom tried. Maybe it was all too much for her, having four kids and being all alone. Maybe she got married because it’s what she could do. Maybe she resisted help for so long that she traded her joy for pride until she had no choice but to marry the first rich dude to come along. My heart softens for her, just a bit. I’ll go to her party today and I’ll play my part.
As I get older, the time between artifacts gets larger. The next thing I know, I’m looking at middle school Edel. I’m much too polished and put together for my age. My teeth are perfectly straight and my posture is too, but my smile is noticeably forced. These must be the days of Diane Tiding, lifestyle aficionado.
By the time I’m combing through a high school scrapbook, the strangest thing happens. My smile, my real smile, returns.
More tears flood my eyes as I put it all together. There it is, all spelled out in front of me. Shawn, taking me to prom in my homemade dress. Both of us are wearing enormous smiles. Shawn, hugging me at my honor roll assembly in his football uniform. I have a flash of him telling me that he’d rather miss the first half of his game than miss seeing me get my award. Finally, there’s me serving a burnt, failure of a dessert to my family. Mom is scowling, but there’s Shawn sitting to her right with an enormous grin and an already empty plate.
Every single memory is a testament to the fact that Shawn has always been my rock. He’s my biggest cheerleader and I’m… an idiot. He’s never tried to take anything away from me. My heart rate ticks up as I run my fingers across the final item in the box.
It’s a dried flower attached to a note in Shawn’s handwriting. My breath catches in my chest as I unfold the old paper and read it.
To my girl… this is delicious. You are the only person crazy enough to pair an orange with chocolate and pop rocks. I can’t wait to see what you do next. I’ll be here cheering you on. XOXO, Shawn
There it is, in black and white. Shawn has supported me in the pursuit of my dreams. Every dream that came along, even when I hadn’t flushed it out myself yet. Even when my desserts were total garbage. My chest hollows out.
Shawn has always helped me.It’s okayto let him help me. It doesn’t make me any less. Maybe he’s not trying to help me because he thinks I’m incapable. Maybe he’s helping me because he loves me.
I wipe my eyes and look in the mirror, startled by what I see. Turns out, I’m actually not a cute crier at all. Black mascara streams cascade down my cheeks, let's be honest, they’re mixed with snot. It’s not a great look for winning back the love of my life.
“I need to make things right. But how?”
I pace and Grinchy looks up at me offering his suggestion,meow.
“I know, it starts with a shower.” I climb in and my brain twists and turns, Shawn’s face running through my mind.I don’t even have his number, it’s not like I can just send him a text. I could find him on social media, but that isn’t how great love stories start. I could go to the fire station, but that’s so creepy. No. I’ll have to find him, in person and profess my undying love but not at his place of employment. Yes. Right, that’s what I’ll do.
But when I step out of the shower, I glance at the clock.Dammit.I need to get my mother’s holiday party over with first.
∞∞∞
By the time I’m walking into my mother’s house for her famous holiday party, I’m sick to my stomach. I can’t believe the things I said to Shawn. I’m desperate to find him and even more uncomfortable than usual about the photographers with the cameras in my face. But I think back to the girl in the pictures when it was just Mom and us. I was happy and so, I’m here to do my part.
My eyes make their way around the room. It’s very…Diane Tiding famous authorin here. That’s the thing about Mom, she doesn’t disappoint. This year is as spectacular as ever. Everything, and I do mean everything, is white. The serving dishes, the lights, the swags of fabric draped from the ceiling, and the candles… all white as snow. The music is classical with a hint of holiday in the melody. The appetizers are tiered and the champagne is flowing.
Nothing is left to chance for Mom’s biggest magazine shoot of the year. It’s what we live by in the Tiding house. Like a good daughter, I’m here to play my part and so is my brother. Emmett is entertaining, in a crisp white suit, snapping photos and live streaming himself. He’s turning on his effortless charm.
