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But today, we have church again. Fucking Sundays. I hate them. Some part of me feels like I should confess my sins. Pre-martial sex, having sex with my step-brother, and then right after, his best friend. But, I honestly don’t think God would care about my sins, not when there are bigger sinners out there. Things could be worse. It could be a blood relative. Not that I have any of those left.
I sit awkwardly between Dash and Col in the back seat, both of whom have their hands on my thighs. My body hums from the heat of their palms, and I want them to do more than just touch me. I want them to devour me, show me all the ways I can feel pleasure. My body feels like it's on vibrate, humming along to its own song.
Every night I dream of them, hell my dreams have stretched out to include Mitch in them. The three of them, tasting, touching, and feeling me. Having them fill me, one after the other. Good lawd, I’ve turned into a horny mess. This morning I woke up rubbing my thighs together, finding myself slick, nearly dying from the cold shower.
Darrell turns into the church parking lot, parking in the furthest spot again. He gets out first, shutting the door a little harder than normal. Dash climbs out to my right, and when I spin in the seat, I make sure I spread my legs wide so he can see that I’m not wearing any underwear beneath my skirt. I bite my lip when his eyes go wide. “Ronni,” he whispers angrily, grabbing my legs to push them together. “Not here.” He helps me out of the car. He doesn’t look happy to see my little surprise.
I’m squished between Dash and Col as we walk toward the church doors. Mitch walks in front of us, and all I can imagine is his ass without those khaki pants. I must’ve done something to get Dash’s attention, because suddenly I’m spun around. “Behave, or I’ll show you what a bad girl gets,” Dash whispers in my ear. I’m not sure what’s come over me, but I feel weird, like something in me is trying to escape.
I moan at the words bad girl, feeling it pulse straight down between my legs. Pressing my thighs together, I do my best to walk into church like nothing is wrong. We take our seats near the back, of course, to make sure the people who have trouble seeing or hearing can have closer seats. I go in first, no one else ever sits back here, and the next closest one is like six rows up.
Dash follows behind me and then Col, Mitch, and finally Darrell. When I go to sit, Col keeps walking to take the seat to my right as Dash sits to my left. The preacher begins to speak, and again, I tune him out. I haven’t believed in the church or God for a while now. But, I’m here to keep up appearances, as always. Gotta be thegood girlespecially this week. Today is the day my mother died a year ago. I feel the mourning, but something inside of me keeps my thoughts away from it.
The service today is based around loss and mourning. Therefore the insane herd of believers has to bring up the fact that my mother is no longer with us. Just like they did when the six month anniversary hit. She was my mother, so I feel like I should have a say in what they talk about, but no. I’m just a naive little eighteen year old in mourning. In reality, I’m just tired of hearing about it. Consistently reminded that she’s gone.
The preacher clears his throat which catches my attention. “Psalms 34:18. The LORD is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit.When we talk about brokenheartedness, we see it in our lovely Veronica everyday. She’s been strong and tried to move past the tragedy of losing her mother. We are expected to bury our parents, but we never expect the day to come. Especially not when we’re so young.” The entire congregation turns to look back at me. My face heats up from the embarrassment of having them all staring.
The power to turn invisible would be fantastic right now. He continues to talk, but I just sink down into my seat, wanting to disappear. Finally everyone turns their attention toward the front again. A hand squeezes my thigh, but I feel like the walls are caving in, and I can't breathe. My heart starts to beat wildly against my chest, I feel the heat flooding between my legs. “Get her out of here.” I hear Darrell whisper. Suddenly I’m lifted off the bench, both Col and Dash are helping me walk out of the double doors, into the lobby next to the marbled Jesus from before. Fucking Jesus statue and his judgemental ass.
“The basement,” Col says, lifting me completely off the ground. He may be a skinny fucker, but gawd damn, he’s strong. My head lays on his chest as we follow Dash down a long hall. I’ve been to the basement before, long ago when I helped my mother find some decorations.
Dash takes the stairs two at a time, but Col is careful, going slow so he doesn’t drop me. When we hit the landing at the bottom, Col sits me down on a large box and pushes my legs open. His hands go to my face as he lifts my head to look at him, the soft light is just enough for me to see the worry on his face. “Lolli?” He whispers my name, like he’s asking if I’m okay. I just nod my head.
He stands there for a while, just staring at me, his eyes flicking back and forth between my eyes and lips. The look you see in movies when the guys are about to kiss the girl. Licking my bottom lip, I slowly pull it in between my teeth. I bite down hard enough to cause a sharp pinch but not hard enough to pierce the skin.
I’ve spent my entire life dreaming about Colson Grady, yet with him standing right here touching me, it still doesn’t feel real. The pain the bite to my lip causes, reminds me that he’s really here, touching my face. “You’ve been ignoring me,” I say softly.
“Never, Lolli. I’ve been busy. That’s all.” The tone in Colson’s voice is almost apologetic. I study his face, watching to see if anything has changed. Did I give him what he wanted and now, I’m no longer worth the chase?
“Busy,” I repeat softly. Are my feelings hurt by him just saying he’s been busy? Do I not get a real answer?
“We don’t have time for your little girl bullshit. He’s been busy, Ronni. Suck it the fuck up.” Dash, the loving brother. My body aches to the core. I need something and having it at the church shouldn’t be what I want. But I don’t want it, I need it. I pull Colson closer to me, breathing in his cologne. I can smell something on him, or around him. But I don’t know what it is, and it frustrates me.
“So, what? A quick fuck here and there, and that’s all I’m good for, Dash?” I ask, pushing Col out of the way so I can jump to the floor. “I’m sooo sorry that I’m in my little girl's emotions right now, it’s not like my mother died a year ago. Or that the one guy I’ve crushed on my entire life did the one thing I worried about. Fucking you was different. You have access anytime you want. Col spent every day at our house until that day. Then suddenly he was no longer around.” I shove Dash in the chest, my anger spewing out like word vomit. “So fuck you.” I turn to face Col. “Fuck you too.” I whip around, letting my hair dance around my shoulders as I make my way towards the stairs. “I’d rather be anywhere than down here with the two of you fucking morons,” I lie. All I want is for one of them to spin me around and fuck my behavior out of me. But will they? Doubtful.
Taking the stairs two at a time I reach for the basement door to find my way back to the main floor. When my hand touches the door knob, I feel a hand at the back of my neck. I’m shoved against the wall. “No, Ronni. Fuck you.” Dash spins me around and presses his lips to mine. He tastes like, well I don’t know how to explain it. But it’s like tasting your favorite dessert after having it taken away from you. Not having access to it for a long time. Dash pulls back for a second, breathing heavily. “You taste and smell like a strawberry shortcake.” His lips find mine again.
Dash’s hands wander down my body, one stops at the hem of my skirt and starts working its way back up. His fingers dance up my thigh, finding their way between my legs. There’s a double tap on my thigh, wanting access. I step my left leg over, opening for him. “Not here,” Colson interrupts. “Wait until we get back to your house.” My body pulses, begging for them to keep going.
Dash breaks the kiss, leaving me breathless. I could really rip their balls off right now; Colson for stopping it, and Dash for actually stopping. “Fuck.” Dash leans his forehead on mine. “I can’t go back in there, I’m sporting a huge hard-on.”
“Same,” Col laughs. “But we can’t all disappear.” He’s right, and I hate him for it.
“I can’t go back in there. There’s no way I can deal with the looks those hypocritical assholes give me.” I twist the door knob, letting the light in. “I’ll be in the car. Come find me when Darrell and Mitch are ready to leave.” Not to mention, I have an ache between my legs begging to be rubbed out.
My feet carry me away, my head’s in a daze. I can’t focus on anything other than the tingle dancing on my lips left behind from Dash’s kiss. “Ronni!” I hear Mitchell’s voice, snapping me out of my daze. I turn around to see him standing there, worried. Why is he worried? He’s spoken all of like four sentences since he came home. “Are you okay?”
“Why do you care?” I roll my eyes, turning to face him. I can smell something again, only this time it's stronger, pulling me in.
“I’ve always cared, Ron.” He closes the distance between us. “Always,” he breathes. He smells like his cologne,Versace Eros.It nearly makes me light headed. He tucks a strand of my hair behind my ear.
“What is it lately? Why does everyone suddenly care so much?” I bat his hand away; this is becoming very confusing. I feel a power radiating from him, like he could command me with a single look, and I’m not sure how I feel about it.
“There are things you don’t understand. One day. One day we’ll tell you. But for now, just know that we love you, Ronni. More than you’ll ever know.” He places a kiss on my forehead. The kiss isn't just a kiss though. It’s like a promise for more later. I feel an ache between my legs again. Mitch has always been the doting type, making sure I had what I needed or wanted. Keeping me ‘safe’ from the bullies at school. Even when my best friend betrayed me and made me feel like I was trash, he reminded me that I was a strong independent, and I didn’t need the approval of anyone around me. As long as I held my head high.
“I wanna go home, Mitch. I don’t want to be here.” I look up at him through my lashes, secretly pleading with him to take me home. To take me anywhere but here.
“I’ll get Dad’s keys and get you out of here.” Mitch starts to move away but pauses. “Meet me at the car.” He nods. I offer him a soft smile as I take a few steps back. I was already heading to the car, but at least now I’ll be able to leave.
