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It seemed their first day was going well, and Devlin was pleased. He was home before Phex—and how interesting that he already called Phex’s househomein his head. Phex had texted him he was on his way, which gave Devlin just enough time to put a casserole together and set it in the oven. When Phex came home, Devlin sent him to go swimming again, and by the time they sat down for dinner, Phex looked tired. But it was a different tired, the kind that came from a day of hard work and being physically active, not from being mentally exhausted.
“How do you feel after the first day?” Devlin asked him.
Phex frowned, looking as if he was doing a mental inventory. “A little tired from swimming, but otherwise…good. Better. Already.”
Devlin chuckled. “Don’t think I missed the surprise in your voice. You had that little faith in me?”
“No. I had that little faith in me. Other Daddies have tried, but none of them ever made a difference.”
Devlin figured he’d get no better chance. “I still don’t understand why. I get that they had issues with your wealth, but… You mentioned you even started doubting whether you were a little. What happened?”
Phex was quiet for a long time, but Devlin let him gather his thoughts. Rushing him wouldn’t work anyway, that much he knew.
“I played with five Daddies,” Phex finally said. “Invited five men who claimed to be a Daddy into my home over the last six months. Well, the six months before I joined Paradise, I should say.”
Five? Wow, that was more than Devlin had thought. He’d counted on, maybe, three.
“The first one immediately insisted on sexual contact, which I declined, so he left. The second wanted me to pay him once hesaw my house and knew who I was, repeatedly stating I could easily afford it.”
Devlin forced himself to stay calm. Getting paid to be a Daddy? What kind of bullshit was that? No wonder Phex had offered to compensate him when he’d been occupied with work for so long when Devlin had been here.
“The third… The first time with him was okay. Not spectacular, but not bad. But on the second playdate, he laid down so many rules that I felt I couldn’t even breathe. He claimed I needed it because I was too independent to be a boy.”
Devlin dug his nails into his hands to keep himself from exploding with anger.
“Number four was a racist who asked if I was Mexican and, when I refused to answer, told he me didn’t believe I’d made this much money legally. But the last one…” He sighed. “The last one broke me.”
“What happened with him?”
Phex made a tired gesture. “He lasted the longest, actually, but when things ended, it was with a bang. He’d been really strict from the start, but I figured that maybe that was what I needed. Lots of rules that made me feel like I couldn’t breathe at times, but he could also be nice, and he loved seeing me as Mikey.” He winced. “Maybe a little too much? He jacked himself off a few times while watching me play, which I found…somewhat disturbing. I don’t know, maybe that was me. Anyway, on our sixth playdate, something happened at work, a crisis of some kind. Can’t even remember what it was, exactly. I had to go into the office…and he said I couldn’t. We’d been playing until I got that call, so I’d been in Mikey mode, and he told me that as my Daddy, he could forbid me to go. I tried to explain it didn’t work that way, and he got really upset with me. Said that I’d been resisting him from the start, and that if I had that many issueswith surrendering control, I wasn’t really a sub or a boy…just a cocktease wannabe.”
Devlin wasn’t even sure where to start with that whole dumpster fire, so he latched onto the thing that puzzled him most. “Cocktease?”
Phex shrugged. “‘Cause I didn’t want to have sex with him.”
“Oh, for fuck’s sake,” Devlin muttered, then took a deep breath. “Come sit with me, sweetheart.” He pushed his chair back and patted his thighs, and his heart jumped with joy when Phex didn’t even hesitate. Seconds later, he had his lap full of Phex, who nestled against his chest, letting out a happy sigh.
“I’m sorry you had such shitty experiences. For the record, you are a boy…and a precious one at that. You’re submissive, and you definitely are a little. All those things that went wrong were not on you. You had the bad luck of getting Daddies who projected their own issues and shortcomings onto you.”
“You really think so?”
His voice was Mikey’s, stuffed with doubt and insecurity, and Devlin kissed the top of his head. “Absolutely, one hundred percent certain.”
Phex was quiet for a long time. “But they were right about the sex thing. I really didn’t want to have sex with them…and…”
“And right now, you’re not sure you want to have sex with me either.”
“No.” His voice was as soft as a whisper. “I hope so for the future, but I can’t know for sure. I mean, I’ve always had a normal sex drive, maybe even a high one, but something changed. I used to love sex, you know? But somehow, it shifted.”
“Phex, sweetheart, I need you to listen to me. Are you listening?”
“Yes, Daddy.”
“You’re exhausted. You haven’t been taking good care of yourself, you’re overworked, stressed out, maybe a little burned-out, and you’re emotionally struggling. Of course the last thing your body wants is sex. But it will get there. Give it time.”
“You really think so?”
Devlin held him a little tighter. “I do, I really do. You need time to recover.”
