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“You can tell me.” Because she had no qualms about talking to her brothers about her worries. Leo and Gideon had always treated her as if her words mattered.
“Everyone I talk to has been buying up hay left and right. There wasn’t any left at the feed and seed when I was there two days ago. I was told to come back in a week and check.”
Alice swallowed her fears. They’d barely scraped by the last few years. “Won’t we have enough hay this year? Gideon and Leo haven’t mentioned anything to me.” Though that didn’t mean they hadn’t spoken about their worries in private.
“This is a more promising year than we’ve had in the last five. I’ll give you that. But my trust is broken that the rains won’t wash everything away soon. There have been too many years of floods.” He tapped his fingers over the papers. “But whether it floods or draughts, the grass isn’t coming in like it should, meaning the hay for cutting won’t either.”
She couldn’t deny that logic. In fact, the crop had only just been planted and they’d been waiting for rain to see the shoots emerge from the ground. That moment, when the green first emerged, always gave her hope. They’d planted the mixture of hay as soon as Pa had been sure it wouldn’t freeze, but it hadn’t come up like the other grasses had.
“If they don’t have any come in next week, there’s no telling how long it will be until he can get any. Or where he’ll have to get it from. If it comes from further away, he’ll have to pay more, which means we’ll pay more.”
Their financial reserves dwindled to almost nothing over the flooding, making the thought of buying hay a tension that sent acid to the back of Alice’s throat. “Can we afford it?”
He pursed his lips. “I’m not so sure we can afford not to. I have to talk to Gideon and Leo. Maybe the hay will come up and I’ll have nothing to worry about. Maybe I’m just an old man with too much experience that has no bearing on this situation.”
Or, he had the experience they lacked and his worry was justified. Either way, she would not add to his concern by visiting Kent again. “I’m sure you’ll do the right thing. You always do.” She stood and came around his desk, planting a kiss on the top of his head.
He waved her away. “We all make mistakes and I’ll be the first to admit mine. Go. Help your mother, or at least keep her company for today. She’ll wonder why you agreed to stay in and then spent the day with me.” He chuckled.
She submitted to his observation. “I’ll do that.” Though she found the idea somewhat odious. After riding and helping for years now, the house was too quiet. Her old tasks were mundane. Ma wanted her to learn how to run a household, but she wouldn’t need to know those things. Her brothers had wives who would take care of the ranch once their parents were gone.
She would live there as a spinster and never have to worry about making decisions that would affect the household. They would care for her and leave her to be what she wanted. Whatever that turned out to be.
As she entered the piano room where Ma usually had her tea and spent her day, her gaze fell on the back corner where the silent piano sat bathed in sunlight. She’d spent years learning how to play so she would be a fitting wife for a wealthy rancher. She could play for guests or even for her husband in the evening if she’d ever needed to.
That talent wouldn’t be used now. The time, wasted. Tamar, Leo’s wife, was a far better pianist than Alice and she would be there to play for any guests her brothers might have. Josie, Gideon’s wife, was far better at ranching that Alice could ever be. Honestly, there was no need for Alice to be there at all.
What place did she fit into this world? Her mind formed a prayer her lips would never utter.
“Alice? Come, sit.” Ma patted the settee by her side. “I’ve found a new pattern of embroidery. I’d like you to try it.”
Her fingers ached to take up the reins, not the needle. Her heart wanted to race, not settle. She’d been the kind to happily obey until obeying left her battered and hurt. “Why don’t I read to you while you embroider? I’m afraid my hands aren’t suited to the task anymore.”
Ma’s shoulders fell and her face followed suit. “I’d worried about that. A talent, unused, becomes useless.”
She headed for the bookshelf, afraid to say what was on her heart. What talent did she have? What strength? Was there anything that wouldn’t eventually fall away as useless?
Her hand hovered over the spines, unable to see the writing through her tears.
“Alice. Just go outside where you want to be,” Ma muttered, hurt wavering through her words.
She flinched at the ache in Ma’s voice, but, as always, didn’t disobey.
Chapter4
Over coffee the next morning, Alice contemplated how she would keep the promise she’d made to her father just the day before. If she rode out as she was usually wont to do, it might tempt her to ride along the fence and Blaze—doing as he pleased, mind you—might jump the fence and then she’d have broken her promise.
“Hannah mentioned she would like to see you some time in the next few days.” Ma raised her coffee to her lips, then set the cup back down. “I know you have various responsibilities around here, but she is quite lonely in town. Though Blake certainly takes as much time as he can to see to her.”
Alice held in a laugh. Blake was so smitten he came home for lunch every single day. Unless he was called away by the sheriff, he also arrived home precisely on time every evening. “I think today would be a good day for a visit.”
Ma’s mouth broke into a smile. “Mrs. Eliza baked some of her favorite brown sugar cookies yesterday. You could take a few with you. Blake would like them as well.”
Leo laughed as he took his cup over to the washtub and dunked it. “I’d best take a few with me then. I may not get any otherwise.”
“I’m sure Mrs. Eliza would be happy to give Tamar the recipe. She’s turned into a fine cook.”
Alice relaxed, enjoying the banter between her brother and mother. Times like this, when the stress of running a sheep ranch didn’t melt into family time, were precious. “I was glad to help Tamar learn a few things, since she helped me with the piano for so long. I’m sure it was much more of an enjoyable task than the one she had.” Alice laughed.
