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My breathing halted as his words sunk in, feeling ecstatic and sad because I knew that this jealousy would lead nowhere. After tonight, I would have to turn him down if he ever felt the need to have sex. This was going to ruin us both if neither of us would take the initiative and cut this damn connection.
“You shouldn’t be jealous… you have no right to be.”
He didn’t seem to think so as he denied what I just told him. “I do because your heart loves me. That, in turn, gives me all the rights to your body.”
My muscles contracted around him as I cupped his cheek, needing him to understand. “I won’t be yours after tonight. We have to stop.”
“No—don’t do it, Olivia. I need this,” he demanded harshly as he kissed me hard. “We need this—fuck, I need you so much. I can’t think straight. Don’t take this away. I’d go crazy if I can’t keep fucking you.”
That tone and the amount of emotion in his voice brought me back to the time where he had begged me not to go to Sydney. When he had knocked on my door and told me not to go. Funny how we were back in the same dilemma, though this time, the circumstances had changed.
“It hurts to let you go, you have to know that. My heart hasn’t changed—it’s always going to be you.” My tears started to burn behind my eyes, but I refused to cry. “I’ve learned to accept that, but if I keep doing this, I might end up dreaming of having you back again and being completely mine. That scares me—you scare me because you have so much power over me. Fighting you off will be difficult, but I must—I have to learn not to crave you so much.”
“Liv, I know I can’t give you what you want, but isn’t this enough? We still have each other. It’s better than nothing.”
He was fine with this arrangement. Of course he was. But I wasn’t. I needed more… I deserved more than this.
“That’s the difference between us. You get to have it all while I get nothing.”
“What am I going to do without you?”
“The same as you’ve always done.” It was sad to realize he could easily move on while I failed to get over him for months. “You move on and forget about me.”
I was done discussing it. It was draining me, and I wanted this last time to be memorable and special.
And it was.
For a whole hour, it definitely was.
“Don’t do this…” Greyson pleaded the second he killed the engine outside my place. “It’s going to cause more harm than good.”
Had he not gotten himself married, this wouldn’t be such a big deal. But I didn’t want to talk about that. There was no point since he seemed pretty committed to her. He never gave any indication; no words to give me hope about a future for us like,I wish it was you I’m withorI haven’t gotten over you. Hell, I’d even take him telling me his heart belonged to me, yet there was none of that. He was mostly talking about sex and how much his cock worshipped me. Anything to deal with his member, it was referred to me. Don’t get me wrong, it was great and all, but a girl needed more than that. So much more than that.
“I doubt it’s going to do any harm…” I gave him a brave smile as I clutched the door handle, popping it open. I didn’t want to give him a chance to kiss my lips or touch me in any way because I might reconsider his offer. “Trust me, by next week, you won’t even remember me.”
He nodded, lips lining into a grim, fine line. “If you say so, Olivia.”
“You know I’m right.” I gave him one last look. “Oh, hey, don’t worry about me hooking up with your friends. I won’t do any of that,” I said it as a joke, something we could laugh about since he kept drilling it into my head after that incident with Jet. Instead of him laughing at my attempt in making things light between us, I was met with a cold hard stare.
“I’ll kill you both if you do some dumb shit like that.”
“That’s not funny, Greyson.”
“Who said I was making a joke?”
I nodded as I immediately left his car. His words were troubling me. I knew for a fact he wouldn’t kill me, but it bothered me as to why he’d say something like that. Was sex with me so great that he’d say things to make me think twice about trying something with his friends? I had promised not to flirt with any of them, and I was going to keep that promise.
Walking away from him was hard, yet I knew I had to. Had he loved me, I’d have fought harder to have him any way I could. However, he didn’t anymore. He wanted my body, yet I wanted his heart. Sometimes, even out of this world sex and mind-blowing orgasms weren’t enough to lose my sanity over. Besides, I had found a new crowd that let me do all the fun things Jet and them refused to indulge me in. Life wasn’t so bad.
Sure, it wasn’t ideal or anything, but heck, nothing was. Because when life handed you lemons, you simply had to make lemonade and pour a great amount of sugar to sweeten that up a bit.
White. Powder. Sugar… What’s the difference?
ChapterSixty-Four
“Olivia…Oh… Miss Olivia! Get your hot ass in here!” Rob called me out to get inside the car.
We made a pit stop on the side of the road because Patrick needed to piss somewhere then we drove all the way to San Diego for a party that Rob’s friend was apparently throwing.
