AllFreeNovel
Share Us
1
CARA
Death has a way of making the world seem a little quieter. Lights seem a little dimmer, the sun a little grayer in the sky, and even the orange and hibiscus shower gel I’m rubbing into my skin seems to smell a little blander than before. Maybe it’s always been a mild scent and I’ve just never noticed.
Who pays attention to that anyway? Who steps into their shower and truly appreciates the scent of their shower gel in case it’s the last time they ever smell it?
Who even cares about that Cara?
I don’t. Not really. The gel tingles over my skin as I run my loofah over my arms, across my shoulders, and down my chest, washing away all the sweat and grime from another restless, sleepless night.
It’s been two days since my father was murdered and it still doesn’t seem real. No matter how often I replay the scene in my head, it doesn’t feel like it happened. In truth, I don’t even remember all the details. The blazing fire is scarred into my mind, overruling anything else from the rest of that night, except for Killian holding me so tight I was certain I would shatter into a million pieces the moment he let me go. That and his voice, deep andfuriousabout where I had been and howrecklessI was for scaring him.
He’d thought I’d died. Killian had existed for twenty minutes thinking I was dead in my car.
I direct my face into the powerful stream of water and let the shower wash away all the soap suds clinging to my body. Cotton clogs my throat and I swallow hard, trying to shift the lump as warmth stings behind my eyelids and another round ofheartbreakthreatens to spill forth.
It wasn’t me in the car. It was my father because I was across town confronting Blair about her inability to leave Killian and me alone.
Her face flickering into my mind pulls back the urge to cry and I shift my shoulders, hot water skittering down my back as I move.
Fucking Blair. Fucking Blair and her lies about a child.
It’s easier to breathe when I focus on her, my mind desperately scrambles to lock onto a distraction from the pain that’s nestled in my chest. It doesn’t hurt as much when I pour all my energy into her as if I’m still there in the parking lot, facing her down.
As if the past two days haven’t happened.
I close my eyes as the shower droplets pound into my skin and the heat seeps deep, trying to reach and fill this new cavern that’s been torn into my chest. If I stay like this, exactly like this, nothing else matters.
I’m suspended in warmth, the world drowned out by the beat of water pressure.
A knock at the door breaks me out of my trance and I dip my head, letting the water cascade through my hair and splash into the tub below.
“Cara?” Sadie’s warm voice drifts through the locked door, dragging me back to reality and the crushing grief creeps back into my chest.
“Cara?” Sadie calls again, worry lacing her tone. Killian has been kind enough to let her and Kimmy stay here while I plan the funeral although I don’t remember giving him much of a choice. It’s a bit of a blur but he’s giving me the space I asked for.
Asked may be a softened version.I more so screamed at him.
If he was here, I would spend my days wrapped up in his arms crying my heart out and nothing would get done, and my father at least deserves a proper funeral.
Action first, feelings later.
“Yeah?” I call back, working to make myself sound as strong as possible. The cotton lump in my throat doesn’t ease, catching on my words as I force them out.
“Are you okay?” Sadie asks softly, “the pizza’s here and I—well I just wanted to let you know.”
Huh.I must have been hiding longer than I thought.
“I’m nearly done!” I call out to her.
“Okay well…” She pauses and I glance at the door. I can picture her hovering outside, unsure what to say or do. Everyone around me has the same look in their eyes, the same cautiousness when approaching me, like I’m made of crystal glass teetering on the edge of a chasm.
It feels like that even in my dreams sometimes.
“We’ll be downstairs,” Sadie finishes after her pause. I nod–not that she can see me–and turn my face back into the hot stream of water. How simple it would be to remain here forever.
Come on girl, buck up. You can do this. You can get this out the way, and then you can breathe.
