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I finish chewing and swallow. “What?”
“You’ve got ketchup on your nose.” He hands me a napkin, laughing hard when I take it and dab my nose. “You’ve made it worse.” He dips another napkin into his glass of water, and reaches over, wiping my face for me. “That’s better.”
I wink and tap the bridge of my nose with my finger. The journey to healing my heart has begun.
“Fuck,”Igrunt,falling back on my ass. My chest is pounding, and I inhale sharply, trying to catch my breath. I have just been shot in the chest, and fuck me, it really fucking hurts. Wearing a bulletproof vest saved my life, sure, but the wind is still knocked out of me.
“Black is hit!” Milo, one of my teammates, shouts into his radio.
“I’m good. Vest caught it.” I inhale sharply, making sure air gets into my lungs, and scoot towards a wall. Resting my hand against it, I pull myself up. “Let’s keep it moving. We have a bad guy to catch.”
Milo nods, and we hurry down the hall of the apartment, towards the stairwell. The entire time, my mind is on Andi. My girl. I left her two years ago, and she still floods my dreams. I think of her daily, always hating myself for never coming clean to her.
My radio resting on my shoulder chirps. “We got him!” Sarge’s voice is in my ear. I let out a shaky breath of relief, my shoulders relaxing as Milo and I hurry out of the building.
Outside, the rest of the team is cuffing our suspect. This guy is the one who shot me. As I stare at him, a fucking bolt of lightning hits me. I just nearly died. The thought is followed by another. It slams into me, catching me off guard. I’m a fuckup. Who knows why it took me so long, but I finally realize it. Regret floods my body.
I’ve been on the S.W.A.T. team for a year and a half, following six months of the gruesome elite academy, and today is the day I finally have my epiphany. I was so focused for the first six months that Andi was pushed to the back burner. When I finally decided I should go to her, I figured it was too late. I forced myself to stay away. Forced myself not to hurt her again. As much as it killed me to do it, I stayed away.
When that bullet hit my chest, it changed everything. Now all I can think about is that I have to go to her. I have this overwhelming urge to tell her what she means to me. What she’s always meant to me. No matter how much groveling I will have to do, I need her back in my life.
A paramedic checks out my vitals and clears me to go. Sarge sends me home early and I get to my apartment in record time. Changing into street clothes, I hop on my bike and head to Mac’s. This is a long shot, but it’s my only shot. I hope that she still works there on Tuesdays.
It feels like an eternity to get through traffic and reach the bar. The room is packed, more packed than I’ve ever seen it. I look towards the bar, but don’t see her and I don’t even see Mac. It’s been two years since I’ve last been here, so I know that this could be a last-ditch effort. I know that so much has changed in twenty-four months. She’s probably a lawyer now. I continue my scan, and that’s when I see her. Beautiful Andi, sitting at a high top, cell phone in hand. Her hair is longer, her face thinner. She’s lost some weight, but she is still beautiful, though she looks so… frail.
I take two steps forward, and I want to call out her name, but I stop when a man in a dress suit approaches her table. He carries two beers and sets them on the table, then looks down and smiles at her.
Andi rests her phone on the table and smiles back at him. She says something, watching as he sips his beer, and then she taps her lip with her index finger.
The man ducks down and presses his lips to hers. It’s not a friendly type of kiss, either. It’s an intimate one. His mouth lingers, and as he pulls away, he tugs at her bottom lip.
My heart crushes, and I stumble backwards. Of course, she’s moved on. She had no reason to wait for me. I was the one that disappeared from her life.
How could I be so stupid coming here? I’m so selfish and I don’t deserve her.
I glare at the guy with her, asshole. Though is he really an asshole, if he makes her smile? The guy clears his throat and claps his hands loudly. Somehow, he quiets the entire room.
“Thank you everyone, for coming!” Everyone settles into their seats. Andi blushes and tucks herself into his side.
“Andi, I’m so proud of you, baby. You spent the last year busting your ass to make partner at the firm, and that work has finally paid off. If anyone deserves it, it’s you. You’ve been through a hell of a time these past couple years, but you’ve come out on top.”
Fuck. I’m crashing a promotion celebration, and I need to get out of here before she notices me. I can’t fuck anything up for her. She’s happy, I can see that, and I can’t be the one to ruin it.
Her new man continues to praise her, and I shut out his words, unable to process what is happening. This man adores her, that much I can see. And then it happens. My throat closes up, and my mouth goes dry as he gets down on one fucking knee, and he asks my queen to marry him.
How will I ever fucking survive this? Maybe he isn’t the asshole, maybe I am. After all, I let the best thing to ever happen to me slip right between my fingers.
Mac is going to punch me if he catches me here. I would deserve it, too. I force myself to turn around. Andi can’t know I was here.
I think I’m going to hurl as I hurry out of the bar and run to my bike. But before I can make it, I bend over and puke on the sidewalk. I’ve completely and utterly fucked up my whole life. Making S.W.A.T. was all that ever mattered to me until she walked in and wrecked my fucking world.
I need to get drunk and bury myself in someone else. Opening my phone, I text Milo, asking him to meet me at the local cop bar. He replies instantly, telling me he is already there. Great. Time to get fucked up and forget about how I am a fuck up.
Macforcesasmile as I open the door to his house and kick off my shoes. A year ago, I lived here with him. A year ago, I was Andi Sorrento. Now, I’m Andi Jackson. Mac knows that I’m content, but he also knows I’m not as happy as I was before.
I walk towards him, my heart racing and my belly rumbling. “Hey big bro.” Wrapping my arms around his neck, I press a kiss to his cheek.
“You seem happy,” he speaks slowly, and I sense skepticism dripping off every word.
