AllFreeNovel
Share Us
“Mommy,whogaveyou those?” Charlotte asks, climbing onto the bar stool at the kitchen island. She watches as I fill up a vase of water for the flowers Dominic sent me.
I would have thrown them away like I did the four other sets he’s sent me in as many weeks, except she caught the delivery guy leaving before I could get them in the trash. Five weeks of flowers won’t break me.
The first four times I didn’t even bother reading his notes. This time, I couldn’t stop myself.
I will never forgive myself for hurting you,
even if I hope you will.
Colby/ Dom
Whoever you need me to be
I don’t know if I can ever forgive him. I’ve spent a lot of time reflecting on our relationship the past month, and at the end of the day, I’ve realized I wouldn’t have Charlotte if I’d stayed with him. If he had told me the truth and I managed to forgive him, which I probably would have, considering I was pregnant, I wouldn’t have my sweet baby girl.
That reason made me believe that maybe I could forgive him. I allowed myself to go down the what if trail. What if he knew I was pregnant? Would our daughter be here? He would have been driving that day instead of Mac. But again, I wouldn’t have had Charlotte. Wondering did no good. It didn’t change the past.
“Nobody you know, baby,” I say, placing the flowers into the vase. “What do you want for lunch?”
Charlotte ignores my question and wanders down the rabbit hole of possible suitors. “I don’t know the prince. Prince Harry!” She says, sitting up straight. “Mommy? Are you in love with Prince Harry? Will we move to the palace?”
I laugh and open the fridge to forage for lunch. “How do you know who Prince Harry is?”
“Jenna watches him on the news. She says he’s a hot ginger.”
Note to self, make Matt fire his nanny. “Harry is married, Charlotte.”
She shrugs. “Well, you and Daddy were married. Now you’re not.”
I wince at her observation. Have I damaged my child? I really hope she grows up to believe in love, and marries the person who makes her happy, and I pray he doesn’t do anything to warrant a divorce.
Granted, the divorce was because I asked for it, not because Matt did anything wrong. I think that makes this all the more confusing.
“Charlotte? You know I love your dad, right?” I set her lunch in front of her, and round the large center island to sit next to her. My kitchen was the first part of the farmhouse that I upgraded before we even moved in. Charlotte was only two, and Matt hated that I chose white for the tall cupboards, the backsplash and the countertops.
He said he didn’t understand the point of white in a farmhouse. It’ll just always be dirty, he pointed out. And boy, was he right. The cabinet doors were always being wiped down, and eventually I settled and repainted the kitchen island a dark navy blue to help hide little finger prints.
Still, the kitchen was the heart of any home, especially mine. I spent hours baking and cooking for my family. Our bellies were never empty, and the kitchen was large enough that I had two ovens and two sinks. One sink for food prep and one for dirty dishes. Both of which are always full with the endless cooking I do.
Food is my love language. Feeding my daughter and my ex-husband brought me peace in my chaotic world. Starving as a child does that to you.
Charlotte’s sweet voice breaks into my thoughts. “Yes, Mommy. I know.”
“I’m sorry that we don’t live together anymore. We still love each other, but we are happier this way. Sometimes that is what’s best for a mommy and a daddy.”
She nods, chews her food, and then turns to look at me. “I love that you’re happy, mommy. You were sad before.”
“I was?” My heart drops at her blunt truth. I always thought I was good at pretending, and I hate that she knows I was faking it.
“You smile more now.” She sips her water. “So that means you were sad before.”
“I love you.” I whisper, because if I speak any louder, I might choke on my words.
“I love you too!” She giggles, and kicks her dangling feet against the island.
“When you’re finished eating, we can give the horses some carrots,” I say, to change the subject.
Her face lights up and she eats faster. I would do anything to see that smile forever. Charlotte was the reason that I bought the farm.
