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“Andi?”Maccallsfor me from the top of the steps.
“Shit!” I snort, and climb off Dom from the kitchen floor. I turn in circles, trying to figure out where I threw my pants. Luckily, I am still wearing my shirt.
Dom grabs them and tosses them to me as he stands and yanks his back on. I’m hopping into the jeans and pulling them to my hips when Mac’s face appears in the doorway. “Don’t!” I yell when I see him reach for the light-switch. “Don’t turn on the light.”
“Were you fucking in here?” Mac grunts. “Lettie eats on that counter!” Now he is scolding me, in my damn house, where I can fuck wherever I want.
I roll my eyes. “It’s called disinfectant spray. What do you need?” I finish buttoning my pants. Dom is standing beside me with his hand resting on the small of my back.
“It’s Haley,” Mac sighs. “She…. I think she’s having a panic attack. She needs you.”
“What happened?” I run from the kitchen, brushing past Mac to get to the hall. I take the stairs two at a time and sprint to the second door on the right.
It’s open, and Haley is sitting on the floor against the bed. “Are you ok?” I hurry to her. She’s missing her shirt, and a boob is spilling out of her bra, her nipple just about showing.
I will kill my brother if he hurt Haley. I’ve warned him countless times to stay away from her. Haley is the toughest person I know. She’s survived more things than anyone should ever have to go through. She lived in hell with her own personal tormentor as a teenager, and though she’s never talked about it, I know the reason she doesn’t engage with men is because of what happened to her when she was young. If Mac took advantage of her tonight, his balls will be served for breakfast tomorrow.
I plop down beside Haley and wrap my arms around her shoulders. My face nuzzles into her neck, and I squeeze her tightly to me. “Did you guys…?”
She shakes her head back and forth and sniffles.
“Then what is it, Haley?”
“I came onto him. I asked for it. He kissed me. And then he asked if…” She stops, and starts crying, burying her face in my arms. “I just want to be normal and have sex like normal people.”
“Well, you’re not normal. And trust me, you don’t want to have normal sex. It’s boring, and it sucks. You want to have hot sex with a guy who actually likes you.” I rub her back as she continues to cry.
I want to tell her she needs help. She needs to see a therapist to unpack the years of abuse she’s endured. Not just for the sexual abuse, but the physical and mental, too. Her family was way more fucked up than mine, and I know I needed therapy to push through. I don’t tell her that though, because she never listens, and gets defensive.
“When you find the right guy, you’ll want it. Or you won’t, and that won’t matter because he will be there for you, no matter what you need. He will be patient and kind and listen to what you need from him. Until then, stop trying to make it happen. Stop forcing something that isn’t right.”
“What man is okay being with a woman who can’t touch him? Who won’t have sex with him?” She sniffles and pushes her head from my arms. Standing, she climbs into bed. “I just want it over with. To conquer this before I meet someone I actually want.”
“I don’t think I ever told you how I lost my virginity.” Climbing into bed with her, I get her tucked in. I definitely know I didn’t because she was in the middle of finding herself a new home at only 18 after living with our family for two years. She had her own shit to deal with and didn’t need mine.
Haley shakes her head and crawls further under the covers. I stay at the edge of the bed because I know if I crawl in and curl up with her, I won’t wake up until tomorrow, and I have a man to finish screwing, and a brother to fight.
“Gino Fierro. He was a total dick about it. It wasn’t the typical after prom, get a hotel room thing. I was 15, and he was 18, and he took me down a dark road. We climbed into the backseat of his shitty car, and there was no foreplay. It was dry as fuck, felt like hell, and lasted like two seconds. Horrible. I remember crying. Not because I gave him my virginity. That’s such an ugly thing to say.”
I wince, shaking my head at how corny it sounds. “I cried because I just thought, if this is what sex is like, I’ll never have it again. There was no pleasure in it for me. I didn’t have sex for a while after that. Until I met Quinton. You remember him?”
She nods and fluffs her pillow, adjusting it. “He was the weird art guy. You guys met at the coffee shop you worked at the summer before you and Mac moved to Cali.”
“Yeah. Now Quinton. He was kind and sweet. He made me like sex. Then there was Colby. You know? The jackass in my living room, that made me think he was dead for a decade but was living a sweet life as Dominic Black?”
Haley laughs and nods her head. “I hate that prick.”
“I do too, a little. But Dominic loves me. And he’s always made sure I’m taken care of in bed. He is the best sex I’ve ever had. You know why?” She shakes her head. “Because despite how I feel about him right now, he is the one, Haley. And if I knew what I know now about my life? Well, I wouldn’t change anything, except maybe I would have waited for him.”
“Shit,” she whispers in awe. “You love him?”
I contemplate what I’ve said, and gnaw on the inside of my cheek. Finally, I nod. “I do. But don’t tell him that. He has a lot of apologizing to do. And I still don’t know if I can really forgive him.”
“For leaving you to grieve for her alone?” She asks. I nod slowly, but don’t say anything. “He doesn’t know yet?” I shake my head, and she sighs. “He deserves to know, Andi. Even if you wind up going your separate ways, because you decide you can’t handle a relationship with him. He deserves to know about his child.”
“I know he does. And I’ll tell him. Eventually.”
“Good. I love you, but I really need to get some rest. I’ll see you in the morning? Breakfast and then we can take the horses out.”
