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I jerk a little, like he could have just prodded me; I swallow hard, waiting for him to enhance my guilt some more. He doesn’t. But he doesn’t need to. I look at the woman before me and it’s there with a vengeance.
Make love to her. Show her. Make her see. I’m doing it constantly in between the minor meltdowns, but I need to speak the words and hope she reciprocates.
Then, spill it all. Every unbearable, heartbreaking moment.
I shake my head clear and remove her trousers, feeling her watching me with a curious interest I don’t like. I need to turn this around. I step back and kick off my shoes and jeans, and something in her eyes shifts. She’s back. I’m back. I take in every inch of her, from her toes to her hair and lift an arm, reaching for her bra and pulling the cups down, tracing the stiff nub of her nipple with the back of my hand. Her chest expands. “You make me crazy,” I whisper.
“No, you makemecrazy.” Her counter is laced with too much lust for me to take her seriously.
“Crazy,” I mouth, lifting her and laying her down, blanketing her completely and lazily lowering my lips to hers. She opens up, her tongue meeting mine, sweeping in sync, rolling and stabbing gently.
Fuck, I love you.
Just. Spit. It. Out.
And yet although the words are hanging off my tongue constantly, they refuse to leave my mouth.
The reason why kills me.
Because the only people in my life whom I have loved this fiercely were taken from me. I feel like I’d be jinxing her. Poisoning her. Sentencing her. So where the fuck does that leave me?
I swallow and take her knickers, dragging them down her legs, getting to my knees, and pulling her onto my lap. I don’t know.I don’t fucking know.“Lean back on your hands,” I order, reaching for my erection as she leans back, her mouth open, her eyes drowning me. I position myself at her ready pussy and lazily, slowly, gently, push my way inside of her on a hiss, holding her under the small of her back.
Good Lord. I gulp, guiding her waist around, following the sway of my hips and the beat of the music. Gone. I’m gone. A slave to her, to this, to love. My skin is damp, Ava’s cheeks perfectly tinged red, her nipples like stones. My pace is meticulous. It’s calm, it’s perfect, each drive steady, every retreat unrushed.
“Where have you been all my life, Ava?” I whisper, swiveling deliberately and firmly.
She inhales sharply, her eyes never leaving mine, and it’s the sexiest thing imaginable. I lick my lips, swallow the lump in my throat, feeling a wash of emotion take hold. “Promise me something,” I demand, executing another flawless grind, making her moan. She’s struggling to keep her eyes open, but I see the question there. “You’ll stay with me,” I murmur, full of hope.
She stares at me, caught between the untold pleasure we’re sharing, and bewilderment I just can’t stand. And then she nods, and I groan as I pull her down and circle into her.
“I need to hear the words, Ava.” I increase the pace and the friction, and she becomes frantic, her arms shaking, ready to buckle.
“Oh God, I will.”
Fuck, yes.“You’re going to come.”
“Yes!”
“Jesus, I love looking at you when you’re like this.” I strain the words, my eyes on her sweating face. “Hold it, baby,” I order, searching for my release. “Not yet.” I move my hold, seeing she’s going to break, and haul her into me, our skin colliding, sparks flying, my hips bucking. She cries out, my dick sinking deeper, her nails plunging into my back.Fuck.
I pump, grind, roll, our eyes glued. “You’re painfully beautiful and all mine. Kiss me.”
There’s no objection. When we’re together, connected, making each other feel like this, there is no other way for us. She encases my face with her palms, scans my eyes, swallows as I watch her, and drops her mouth to mine on a moan.
“Jesse,” she mumbles. “I’m going—”
“Control it, baby.”
“I can’t.” She bites my lip, and I yell, the pain hitting me hard in my cock.
And there it is. My release. I’m on my knees fast, rearing back and thundering into her, holding her against my chest as I explode on a yell that instantly makes my throat sore. “Jesus, Ava,” I garble mindlessly, my eyes clenching shut. “What am I going to do with you?”
I’m useless, quaking, my body completely out of control. Weak. Helpless.
Alive.
In hell but in heaven.
