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“The kitchen has the final menu for the anniversary.”
“Yes, tell Sarah I want it on my desk when I get there.”
Ava wanders over when I pat my lap. “And what about Ken? What shall I do with him?”
“We revoke his membership,” I say as Ava comes to rest on my lap, my mouth moving without instruction, my mind consumed in an instant. My face goes into her neck, my nose breathing her into me. “Simple.”
“He won’t be happy,” John says. “It’ll kick off.”
“He can kick off all he likes,” I ramble on, forgetting myself completely. “He’s gone, end of. Get Sarah to cancel it.”
“With immediate effect?”
“Yes.”
“Done.”
“Okay. See you in a bit.”
I pull Ava into my chest, slamming my hungry mouth onto hers for a few mind-spinning moments. It’s going to be a long,longday. “Breakfast?”
“I’ll grab something at the office,” she says, freeing herself of my clutches. “Can I have some water?” she asks, and I tense. I can’t help it.
I turn away, cringing, warning Jake to keep quiet. “Knock yourself out, baby.” I dip my peanut butter and shove my finger in my mouth, following her path to the fridge where she places her bag on the side and starts rummaging through. She huffs. Puffs. Sighs. Starts pulling everything out.
“What’s up?”
“Nothing.” She stills for a moment. I can practically hear her asking herself what she’s done with them. “Fuck,” she hisses, starting to dump everything back in her bag with heavy hands.
“Watch your mouth, Ava,” I grumble, screwing the lid on the jar. I’m a disgrace. “Come on; you’ll be late.”
“Sorry,” she says, making me feel even worse. “This is your fault, Ward.”
“Mine?” I gawp at her, my mind telling me to shut the fuck up but my ego preventing me.Don’t ask. Don’t ask. Do not ask.“What’s my fault and how?”Twat.Is she suspicious? God, I can’t quite believe I’ve stooped to such a low myself. Does she think I’m capable of such an underhanded act? And if she does, why the fuck is she still here?
Because she loves you, you fool, and that may be the only thing that saves you.
“Nothing.” She shakes her head to herself. “But it’s your fault because you’re distracting me.”
Distracting her. Like, stopping her from thinking of anything else but me? That makes me a very, very happy man. “You love me distracting you,” I say around a smile.
What the fuck amI playing at stealing her pills? It’s betrayal of the worst kind. It’s yet another lie I could get caught in. But I know the truth. Keeping this amazing woman isn’t my only objective. A lost part of me would also do anything to right my wrongs as a father.
It’s no excuse. Nothing would make this okay. I take little comfort in the fact that I’m aware of that.
My plan is a simple one. Get her to work fast, hope she gets all of her work done fast, get her back in my bed fast.
I dip and weave through the early morning traffic, my mind constantly wandering to crazy places. Crazy but wonderful. Crazy but amazing. Crazy but stable. I want to spend the rest of my life with this woman. I’m not being compulsive, I’m being a realist. This crazy can’t end. I need it. More than I need redemption, because without it, I don’t feel like I can ever have redemption, and despite there being many I need forgiveness from, Ava is the only person alive who can give me that forgiveness. With her mercy, I can move on. Build on my dreams. Forgivemyself.
I pull up down the street from her office and shift in my seat to face her. Her smile is demure. Her eyes bottomless pits of possibilities. She can’t be this close without me touching her.
Reaching for her full lips, I rub my thumb from one side to the other, and her mouth falls open a fraction. Just this simple, tiny touch. Explosions. “I love waking up with you.” I hate the unstoppable thoughts haunting me but having her around makes them more bearable. She makes me think harder. Want better.
“I love waking up with you too,” she replies softly, turning her face slightly into my touch. “But I don’t like being run ragged at five in the morning.”
“You would prefer to be fucked ragged?” I ask, my hand sliding down her front.
“No, I prefer sleepy sex.” She leans across the car, dislodging my hand from her chest, and plants a fleeting kiss on my lips. I don’t get a second to appreciate it or escalate it. She’s out of the car quickly, leaving me a burning mess in front of the wheel, wondering where the fuck the rest of that kiss is. “I’ll be seeing you tomorrow.” She smiles sweetly, and my frown deepens.Tomorrow?Definitely not. “Thank you for exhausting me before work.” The door shuts, and my brain doesn’t work nearly fast enough to tell me to stop her. I sit, pouting, wrestling back my compulsion to dive out and pin her to the ground to convince her otherwise.
