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I’m done with the pointless whys and wherefores of how I came to be here. I’m here, and even though I can’t confess my crimes, I want to—need to—hold her. Kiss her.Feel her peace.“I’m going to kiss you now,” I whisper, my eyes on her lips, desperate to be there again. Desperate to remind her. Desperate for so much more than just her mouth on mine. “You’re lucky,” I go on, unable to stop myself, knowing I’m stooping to unfair lows. But it’s the only way. My only option in this moment. “Because if I had you anywhere else, you would be getting a reminder... right... about... now.” I close the space between us. “I like your dress.” It’s too short, too tight, too revealing, too Manor-ish, but God, she looks amazing in it.
I reach for her arm and trace the length with a light fingertip. More sparks. More heat. “It’s too short, but I like it.” I sink my face into her neck, taking an intoxicating hit of her scent, and she turns her face into me on a wonderfully accepting hitch of breath.Please don’t fight this.
I dip and lift her from her feet, finding her eyes. They sparkle wildly. Speak a million words she isn’t prepared to say. But I’ll wait for them. I’ll wait forever for them. “Do you have any idea what you do to me?” I ask, my voice straining with the effort to speak. Honestly, I could break at any moment. Cry on her. “I’m a fucking mess, Ava.” She needs to know that. I ease my hold, and she slips down my body, her mouth meeting mine, and my insides twist, my skin blazes, and my thoughts straighten out.
I feel... stable again.
Her hands delve into my hair, every part of her responding. Accepting. I moan my satisfaction, deepening our connection, wishing us away from here. God, I need to cuff her to my bed and never release her. Have this sense of serenity constantly. Be glued to her.Impossible.
I hiss and pull away, breathless, resting my forehead on hers. “There she is,” I whisper raggedly. My Ava.
“You’ve got me again.”
I can’t help but smile, loving her easy acquiescence. “I’ve missed you, baby.” So fucking much.
“Why did you go then?”
“I’ve no idea.” I really don’t. Regret turns my stomach. How will I tell her what I’ve done? How will I make her understand the level of remorse plaguing me? I don’t know. But I do know I’ll make it up to her. I do know I’ll right my wrongs. I do know I will never touch drink or another woman ever again. I’ll prove myself. It’s all Icando. And I will because I can be more than a fuck-up.
I can be what this gorgeous woman deserves.
I force my miserable thoughts into a box at the very back of my mind, vowing to deal with them. But not now. Not here. Call me low, but I’ve got to prove myself before I can even think about trying to explain, because explaining opens up a whole new can of worms that I just can’t face right now. Right now, I just need to be here. With her. Showing her.
I kiss her, holding my lips on hers. The second her body brushes over my groin, my dick surges, and she looks up at me, surprised. Yes, just like that.Ping!“I should force you to sort this out.” I grab her hand and rest it on my raging hard-on. “But I’m not having you on your knees out here.” I give her a dark smile. “We’ll make friends properly later.” And every day for the rest of my life.
I hold out a hand, and she accepts with ease, letting me lead her back into the bar. How tiny she feels beside me. Her hand in mine. Tiny and fragile. “What do you want to drink?” I pull her in close, a sign of sorts.Mine.
“Zinfandel, please.”
Wine? Hasn’t she had enough? I look down at her face smiling up at me, pouting in thought. My instinct is yelling at me to refuse her. But, regrettably, I know that won’t go down all too well. I’ve just won her back. Keep the peace. We’ll address the drinking issue another time when I know she can’t run away from me. Besides, she’s with me. She’s safe. “Your friends?”
“Oh, Kate’s a wine, vodka and tonic for Victoria, and a piña colada for Tom.”
“Tom?” I ask, alarmed.Who the fuck is Tom?
“You met him at Lusso,” she reminds me. Oh yes. The touchy feely one. I instantly relax, turning back to the barman and ordering their drinks as I scan the bar for Sam and Drew, spotting them at the end, both of them looking this way. I shrug when they smile, lifting their beers. Drinks all round, then? Except for me, and I absolutely do not care. I don’t need one. Not with Ava beside me.
I grab two of the drinks off the bar and turn, handing them to Ava’s work friend and Kate, who dives on me and kisses my cheek. The woman is a fruitcake, but it’s quite satisfying to know she’s clearly glad I’m here. Which means Ava is glad too.
I dip and get close to her ear so Ava can’t hear me. “She’s staying with me tonight,” I tell her, saving the trouble of Ava doing it later. The rest of my night is meticulously planned. And the rest of my life, for that matter.You sure, Ward? Because after she’s found out what you’ve done...
I shy away from my conscience like the coward I am, handing Ava her wine and pulling her back into me. I can only manage a meek smile when she looks up at me, part questioning, part adoring.
I’m offered some respite from my consistent, taunting thoughts when Sam bursts through the crowds, Drew tailing him at a more leisurely pace. “Hey, my man.”
I pass over their beers and smile as he presents his face to Ava. “Ava, where’s the love?”
She humors him, and I roll my eyes as she comes in closer to me. I bend a little to ease the strain of her reaching up. “I’m going to join the others,” she says, and I pout to myself. But if there’s anything I can be, it’s reasonable. So I relent for the greater good, and the greater good right now is remaining on her good side.
“I’ll be watching,” I warn, taking her earlobe in my mouth and giving her arse a small smack. I’ll be watchingveryclosely. I smile when she narrows her eyes, flipping her a playful wink. God help any man who so much as looks in her direction.
She shimmies away, and I watch her every move until she finds Kate on the dance floor, her friends greeting her excitedly.
“So,” Drew says, moving into my side and chinking his beer with my water. “When’s the wedding?”
Sam laughs, backing away toward the dance floor, his shoulders jigging in time with the beat. “So long, fellas. I’m about to get me a fine redhead.”
“You’re a whore,” I call after him, laughing, but my amusement dries up when I catch Ava necking her wine. The whole fucking glass. Christ alive, she doesn’t half know how to push my buttons. “Did you see that?” I ask Drew, gesturing with my bottle.
