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That fissure becomes a gorge through my heart.
“Can I just come in so we can talk about this?” I plead.
She shakes her head before I’m even finished speaking. “No, I think you said everything you needed to say last night.”
“I didn’t mean what I said last night.” My eyes burn as I try to hold back tears.
“I think maybe you did.”
I stare at her, begging with my eyes for her to let me explain.
“I know what happened when Audrey did a number on you, Andrew, but I can’t be with someone who continues to let the past rule him. I want to live in the present with someone who can give me all of himself. Not just the pieces he’s not holding back to protect himself. I deserve that.”
“I know you deserve that.” I let my chin drop and stare at the floor.
“And because I love you, I’m going to tell you this… you need to figure this shit out before you’ll be able to be happy with anyone. Sometimes you have to let yourself go, be willing to fall, and have faith that you’ll stick the landing. Even if you didn’t the first time.”
She starts to close the door, but it bumps against my foot.
“Please, Kenzie.”
“I’m sorry. I can’t.” She pushes on the door, and I step back, letting her close the door in my face and on our future.
ChapterThirty-Four
Andrew
Iend up at the only person’s house who can help me make it right with Kenzie, since he’s known her the longest.
“Hey, man. Surprised to see you,” Finn says when he opens the door of his condo.
I didn’t tell him I was coming. I’ve been wandering the city, aimlessly walking for hours and thinking about what Kenzie said about figuring my shit out.
“Yeah, sorry to barge in unannounced, but it’s important.”
“No problem. Though you look like you’re freezing your ass off. How long were you out there? Want a coffee or something?” he asks.
I nod. “Yeah, that’d be great, thanks.”
I wait in his living room while he makes some coffee with the fancy machine in his kitchen. The feeling in my fingers has come back a bit by the time he joins me, handing me a mug.
“Thanks.” I wrap both hands around the mug, hoping it will help warm up my hands faster. “Where’s Zahra?”
“She’s out with her sister doing some last-minute Christmas shopping.”
I nod, trying to buy time and figure out how I want to start this conversation. I really have no idea how he’ll react when he finds out Kenzie and I have been sneaking around behind his back. There’s no guarantee he’ll even want to help me get her back.
“So, what’s going on? You look like shit. What’s up?” he asks, leaning back in the chair across from where I sit on the couch.
I stand, unable to sit still while I confess my sins. And so, I tell him. All of it. From the first date to me asking her to help with the firm’s party to why Kenzie didn’t want him to know about us quite yet. I even tell him about our weekend away, minus the sex stuff. Figure he doesn’t want to hear about how many times I made his sister come that weekend.
When I finish, I sit back down and wait for his censure. I couldn’t read him while I was talking. He kept his expression blank. Though I did notice him squeeze the armrests of the chair a few times throughout my speech.
“You mean that when I introduced you two on Thanksgiving, you actually already knew each other?”
I sigh, then nod. “To be clear, we hadn’t started dating at that point.”
“But not long after. And you guys were doing stuff and basically going on dates together whether you were calling it that or not.”
