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He studies me a fraction of a second before nodding. “Hale was closer to Ronnie, correct? He’ll need an explanation. Perhaps Ronnie was given specific instructions that she wasn’t—” He sucks in a sharp breath when he realizes he brought her up. “Tell Hale that Ronnie did something which directly contradicted your orders. That is the only explanation that will settle him … for the moment. Bring him in closer, make sure heknows he’s safe and valued, and that you wish you’d told him in advance what you planned to do, since Ronnie had a history of willful disobedience. Unless he’s already confided in others. It’s been hours. Something like that is hard to keep quiet among men who are loyal to each other.”
It’s a difficult pill to swallow. Sacrificing good soldiers and then lying to cover up my own mistakes. A numbness comes over me as I nod slowly and respond, “I understand.”
“Do what you have to. It’s either that or Hale also needs to be silenced.”
“Understood,” I say and nod, not content with either option but knowing it has to be done. This blood is on my hands. All of this is for her and in direct opposition to how the family operates. Our system only works because we provide for those who work for us. We have control and there are no questions or concerns as a result. We give an order, they comply, and in return they are paid well and their families are protected. It’s very simple. Anything unexpected, especially if it can be perceived as a threat, disrupts the delicate balance. Like killing a man who was only doing his job.
That sickening feeling spreads further through me. My gaze falls to the grain in the desk as I wonder what lie would satisfy the fear of being murdered in cold blood.
“It will blow over,” Carter reassures me. “They want to believe it will never happen to them. That they are in the inner circle. Tell a lie, no matter how outrageous, and they will cling to it. It being true is the only thing that keeps them feeling safe.”
I nod, knowing he’s right. “I’ll do what needs to be done.”
Carter nods once, slowly, but his gaze doesn’t leave mine. It’s obvious the question is on the tip of his tongue. Cocking a brow I wait, knowing it’s unlike him to hold back. But it’s also unlike me … to do any of this shit. I don’t create chaos, I fix it.
“What happened tonight?”
A lump forms in my throat as I picture her in the ice bath again, on the verge of death. The moment it all turned red.
“You shouldn’t have watched,” Carter comments as if he saw it too. As if he read my damn mind.
“I needed to hear her say it,” I start, my mind going back to that moment when I heard her scream my name. I’ll never know the feel of the ice, but my body goes cold from the thought.
“She will never say it now. Not if you come running to stop interrogations.”
“Careful,” I warn him, every muscle in my body tensing.
The shock from earlier seems to be lessened, but still my brother’s eyes widen slightly. My grip tightens on the chair and I force my back to press into the seat.
“I want to be certain. She did it—there is no way that information reached the feds unless she is the one who gave it to—”
“I know,” I say, cutting him off. “I know, but it still doesn’t feel right.”
“Betrayal never does.” He’s quick to put forth the advice.
“What are you going to do with her?” he asks and I can’t answer. I don’t know. All I know is that I don’t want her to die. If she’s truly an informant, though …
“What happens when the feds come looking for her?” he says after the moment of quiet and again his thoughts mimic mine.
“I don’t want to believe—”
“It’s not just you, Declan,” he reminds me and there’s a plea in his tone. “I understand. More than our brothers, I understand.”
Compassion is a rarity from him, and perhaps that’s why I confess to him, “I can’t kill her until she admits it. I need to hear her say it.”
“I’m sure she knows that and she will do anything to stay alive, even if that means lying to you until she can figure out a way to bring you down … bringallof us down.”
“How did it get this complicated?”
“You fell for her,” he tells me and I hate him for it even if it’s the truth. Visions of her flash before my eyes. From when we were children, to when I first saw her glancing at me with those dark, lust-filled eyes, to our first kiss and more. Little moments I’ve never had with anyone else.
“She is yours, but betraying you is betraying all of us.”
“I know,” I answer him, pretending as if I’m not completely broken by what she’s done. I almost tell him that I just can’t believe it. I almost defend her again, but there’s no way around it. They all knew I was giving her that file. It was a test and she failed.
For the first time in my life, I wish I had kept some things from my brothers. I wish they didn’t know it was her. As I stand up and tell my brother good night, I realize that if I could go back, I’d do it all over again, but I wouldn’t tell them about Braelynn. I’d keep it all a secret and keep her to myself.
I can fix this. I can punish her and see to it that she obeys in every way. She has to. There’s no other way to protect her and keep her.
