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“I miss Ben,” she said finally with a pathetic sniffle. “He was so good at cutting hair.”
He really was. He used to do mine too. Looked fucking great. “I know. I miss him too. Sometimes.”
She glared at me, the effect somewhat marred by the tear tracks on her tiny cheeks. “Then why did we leave?”
“Look, I know it’s an adjustment, coming to a new tow–”
“Why did weleave?” she repeated.
My mouth remained partway open for several seconds as I considered how to answer. “Because things change,” I said finally.
“I don’twantthem to change.”
Me either.“But they do,” was all I could think to say.
“What if Ben’s sad on Christmas because we’re not there?”
Then he should have loved me eternally instead of turning away from me on the Kiss Cam and asking a stranger about her soft pretzel. But even I didn’t want Ben to be sad on Christmas. “Areyougoing to be sad on Christmas if he’s not here?”
She nodded, big-eyed, and my heart tugged.
“We’re going to have a great Christmas. I promise.”
“Will Santa bring me Peachblossom?” she whispered.
Guilt tore at me. I wanted to say yes. I wanted to say yes and keep Dr. Stephen Florris’s Peachblossom and give it to Ada and show her there were some things in life you could count on. “I’m sure Santa will do his best.”
She started crying into her hands again, the chunk of short hair sticking straight out to the side.
I sank back on the couch, rubbing her back once more. It was probably time to start praying for a Christmas miracle.
“I like the dress Grandma got you,” I tried. It was very Girl With the Green Ribbon. “And your hair looks really creative.”
She stopped crying. After a moment, she flopped beside me on the cushions with a long sigh. “I need a cookie. After the day I’ve had.”
I burst out laughing. “After the day you’ve had, huh?”
“Don’t laugh at me!”
“Sorry. I’m sorry, really.” I gazed at the ceiling. “I’ll go see if we have any gingersnaps left. Just as soon as I can move.”
She nestled against me. “I can’t move either.”
“We should see if Em can bring us—” I sat up suddenly. “Where’s Em? And does she still have scissors?”
Ada shook her head. “No. We put them back in your closet so you wouldn’t know we’d taken them. She’s in our room and she’s sad because I said she was bad at cutting hair.”
“Oh no.” I sank down again and stared straight ahead at the garlanded mantle. “Em!” I called. “Come sit with us! Don’t be sad alone.”
“You’re good at cutting hair!” Ada called.
* * *
“Are you gonna tell Dr. Florris how much crap you’ve been eating?” Cass’s wine sloshed dangerously in its glass. Cass was in my house. Cass was drinking wine with me. And eating gingersnaps. Plus some candy canes we took off the tree. And some Kahlua I found in one of the moving boxes.
“I don’t know.” I licked my fingertip and used it to get some crumbs out of the empty gingersnap package. “Maybe he’ll put me on his naughty list.”
“Hot,” Cass said.
