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The drive back to the condo was both dreamy and tense. Manhattan had a way of seducing me during my commutes, luring me into the flashes of life and light that throbbed from all angles. The city was bathed in the highs and lows of human turmoil and vibrancy. Anything you wanted to feel or see, you could tease out from the tangle of life beyond the window. Tonight, all I could glean from the streets around me was urgency.
The thumping of my heart pushed me toward an outcome I didn’t know how to reach quite yet. I just knew I needed to get there.
I needed Eli out of my life.
And I neededsomethingfrom Axel—whether it was one genuine hug or that wild fantasy of forgiveness.
Back at the condo, I let myself inside with tense expectation. Was Eli here? Would he be arriving later? I hated that he still felt like he could waltz in whenever he wanted. He couldn’t be stupid enough to think that I wanted him here. And I doubted he actually wanted to make things better with me. He couldn’t. Not with how disparagingly he talked to me and about me.
But my condo was dark and quiet. Light from the streets below filtered into the living room through the enormous windows, illuminating the edges of furniture, the sleek curve of a vase. I listened to the quiet for a moment, letting out a deep exhale.
I knew what I needednow.
I tossed my purse and bolero jacket onto the couch, and drifted toward my favorite chair in the living room. It was enormous, overstuffed, big enough for three people, with golden piping along the seams that matched the sectional.
And perfect for the pressing task at hand.
Getting my hand into my panties.
I kicked off my heels, settling back into the insanely comfy seat. I kicked my leg up over the arm, my dress gathering naturally at my waist. My hips bucked, my core already tight with need. I hadn’t had sex in what felt like years, but it was closer to six months. The last time Eli and I had fucked, I hadn’t wanted to. I’d done it to shut him up.
Now the stuff of my fantasies was raw desire. Unabashed sex and gluttonous horniness. I got off now by imagining what true, bona fide, mutually desired fucking felt like. It had been so long since I’d felt that. Actual years. The mere idea seemed like something pornographic.
Only one man had ever pushed me into raw abandon. And he’d spent the entire evening commanding me not to talk to him.
My fingers danced along the crotch of my panties. I was soaked; I had been since spotting Axel at the fundraiser. One look from that man was all it took. If only he’d known how badly I needed him, how much I’d have given to have one last night with him.
I whimpered as I plunged one finger inside myself, and then another. It wasn’t anywhere close to what I wanted—the steel heat of Axel. Through the windows, the dark shadows of the Central Park treetops moved in the breeze, and I could almost imagine myself back in Kentucky with him. Every time we’d made love had been memorable, but for some reason, when we went to Kentucky it was fucking epic. Like some part of him became unhinged in his hometown.
I could practically hear the way Axel used to groan when he pushed into me. All the dirty things he’d whisper about how fucking wet I was, how absolutely tight and perfect for him. In Kentucky, we’d made love outside on a blanket, wrapped up in the sweet scent of wild grasses and hay. I could almost smell it if I tried. My eyes drifted shut as the memories took over, mingling with fantasy.
The Axel I pictured was the new Axel, the man who filled out his suits and growled when I came too close. He was a man who’d press me up against the wall of a back hallway and—in my fantasies now—threaten to have his way with me. All the images of Kentucky faded away as I imagined exactly how that encounter at his partyshouldhave ended. With his cock buried inside me. His mouth covering mine. His fingers tangling in my hair as he reminded me, just as he always used to, who loved me most.
My fingers slipped over the tight bud of my clit. I was desperate and clumsy, and I still came lightning fast. I cried out as my orgasm flashed through me, hot and wild. My leg spasmed, and I arched back into the seat.
My heart pounded as I drew deep breaths, watching the dark movements of the treetops over Central Park.
I hadn’t been this turned on in ages. And the release was only the tip of the iceberg.
Thank God I’d started down the path of getting what I, and Axel, ultimately wanted. I needed to get closer to him. So much closer.
The only thing that would satisfy this desire was Axel himself.
CHAPTER NINE
AXEL
Mondays were usually my focus days.
There was something extra appealing about starting a week off right with a fresh start, goalsetting, and good teambuilding. Francis and my brothers and I usually had check-in meetings first thing in the morning, followed by a whole lot of motivational check-ins through lunchtime.
But on this Monday, I cancelled everything except the morning meeting.
I was only available for one thing: stewing in my office, waiting to find out whether Cora would make good on her plan.
I’d been pacing along my office windows, looking out over the city, trying to imagine what truly lay around this next corner. Part of me couldn’t believe Cora needed the building for anything, especially since she already basically owned it. But a deeper part of me knew where her words came from. Her father controlled everything with an iron fist. If she needed it for something he wouldn’t approve of, she needed to get crafty to escape his notice. And using me for cover was a surefire way to escape notice.
I hated how Cora could disrupt everything. My gala. My Monday. Even my chance to get laid. I was done with Mirabella after our too-flirty evening at the fundraiser. I couldn’t even stomach the idea of fucking her again. Cora was an expert at destroying my peace.
