AllFreeNovel
Share Us
I lifted the ornament in question. I wasthatgirlfriend now, making ornaments for my love out of beach glass in the shade of his eyes. “Looks good, doesn’t it?”
“It’ll look amazing on our tree.” He kissed my cheek, squeezing his arms around my waist. “Is it wrong that I’m excited for Christmas already? It’s only September.”
“We can start hanging decorations now, if you’d like.” I kissed the tip of his nose. “But I’ll need some more time to finish your present, so how about we wait?”
“Fine. But we should have two trees.” He twisted back toward the house, gesturing to toward the huge window near the back door. “One to fill that window, and then one for the front hall.”
“Agreed. I’ll make the appropriate number of ornaments.” I kissed the tip of his nose again. “NowI’mexcited for Christmas.”
We laughed, getting lost in each other’s eyes. For how messy the world beyond our Hamptons paradise was, everything sure felt just right. Today and every day.
With Axel at my side, none of the rest mattered.
Chris would have died from excitement knowing I was dating the bad boy of Wall Street. And I suspected he wouldn’t have any issue with the fact that I’d let down his wish for me, which he’d set down in a letter just before he died. My parents had shown it to me during my last year of grad school. I still wondered if they’d saved it all those years just as a bargaining chip. A tool to bring out when they sensed I wasn’t heading down their prescribed path. Chris had asked me in the letter to give our father what he wanted, since Chris couldn’t—a Margulis offspring at the helm of the beloved family business.
And though part of me still felt guilty to have technically not followed my brother’s parting wishes, I knew he’d written that letter in his darkest moments, trying to be someone he could never be. Sometimes, in the late evening breezes by the water, I could hear Chris chatting with me from Heaven, asking me why I hadn’t rebelled earlier, telling me he couldn’t wait to see the new theater with his name on it. Asking what Axel and I planned to name our kids, once we finally had some.
I knew I was making Chris proud. And more than that, I was making myself proud. That was all that mattered anymore.
Axel’s phone vibrated from inside his pocket, making the bench buzz. He fished it out, lifting his sunglasses to view the message.
“Oh. That’s my alarm. I need to go get ready.”
I sighed, looking up at him. “Do you have to?”
He captured my chin between his thumb and forefinger, looking at me so tenderly I thought I’d split in two. “Babe, you know it. Today’s the big day!”
I gasped. “You’re right! Oh my God…I can’t believe I forgot.” Time had a strange way of dissolving completely now that I was out of the corporate world. Everything I’d been doing was uncharted territory. My schedule, my interests, my desires. All mine. All decided by me.
It was fan-fucking-tastic.
“I need to go get changed,” Axel said, coming to his feet. “What shade of suit should I wear for a hostile takeover? Black? This is the demise of Allan’s dreams, so…”
“Definitely black,” I said, grinning up at him.
“Actually, scratch that. I know exactly what I’ll wear.” The smile on his lips stretched to mischievous lengths. “My old leather jacket.”
“I couldn’t love that more. And hey—tell Allan to fuck off for me, will ya?” I hadn’t spoken to my parents since my letter was published. All communication with them occurred through our lawyers, who conveyed to me the full extent of my parents’ disappointment, ire, and dismay.
Not like anybody had to tell me. I could feel their disappointment and dismay from here. It was woven into the fabric of my being. I just chose not to let it affect me anymore. I would have disappointed them and dismayed them no matter what I did. So why not live my best life while doing it?
Eli still liked to send the occasionally nasty-gram. And when he spewed his hate-spawned rampages via email, he usually let it slip what my parents were up to as well.
“Of course. Though you and Zero might be able to hear his reaction from here.” Axel dipped down to snag a messy kiss from my lips. I clutched at the back of his head, coaxing another kiss, and then another.
“Damn girl.” His voice came out edged with grit. “You down to celebrate the hostile takeover tonight? We can have a sexy takeover of your body.”
I cackled. “Great one. And you know it.”
He swiped his thumb over my bottom lip before loping back toward the house. I watched until he disappeared inside, then I took a deep breath of the perfect late morning air.
This was real. All of this beauty around me. The churn of the ocean, the gorgeous home I shared with my boyfriend, the unchecked future before us. The beauty was real because we’d cracked open the ugliness. We’d tripped over jagged shards of discomfort and wove our way between harmful obligations until we emerged on the other side, on a sweet whisper of possibility.
The beauty was real because the ugliness was too. Finding happiness didn’t make the bad stuff go away. It just made it easier to tolerate. And finding my happiness meant having a lot of doors slammed shut to me.
But that was okay. No, it was more than okay. Because whatever doors had shut on me were never meant for me anyway. And I had a whole lifetime to open new doors that I chose myself.
EPILOGUE
