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My cheeks got hot. When I looked one last time and noticed my glasses, I let out a sigh. Contacts had never worked for me because I had astigmatism in both eyes. It made contacts annoying, at least for me. So what if I wore glasses? I didn't care.
I hadn't cared for years, but somehow Ian’s presence triggered something in me. I didn't want to claim hemademe care, but he elicited old insecurities about how I looked and how I'd always wanted to be invisible in high school. It had felt like being caught in a crosscurrent—wanting no one to notice me and wishing I could be popular at the same time.
“Stop being stupid,” I muttered to myself.
I tucked the lip gloss in the pocket of my jeans and turned to leave the bathroom. I felt the heat rise to my cheeks again as I opened the door and heard the subtle snick of the lock. Ian had fixed the lock on this door, but it was impossible to forget he’d seen me bare naked. As I returned to the bedroom, I stopped once again, looking at myself in the mirror mounted on the back of the door. I was wearing fitted jeans with a pair of leather boots. It was winter, and I needed to be practical. Atop that, I wore a silky camisole with a soft cashmere cardigan that buttoned halfway up. It was warm and stylish.
I let out another sigh. Because, apparently, thinking about my appearance and having dinner with Ian drew a plethora of sighs. I almost couldn't admit to myself what I was thinking. Maybe Ian could help me take care of a small problem. I felt the buzz of attraction between us, and I didn't expect it to go anywhere or mean anything. But he was experienced, and I was decidedly not. I was no prim and proper girl. I'd had boyfriends in college, but I'd never gotten to the final act, and I still carried that tag of virgin silently inside. I didn't even tell my friends about it because they all assumed I’d made it beyond that milestone.
Trust was a weird thing for me. High school hadn't been easy. I had enough sense now to know it wasn't really easy for anyone, even the popular kids. The social environment was unforgiving in more ways than one. But then I'd gone on to college, and the guy I'd liked the most and just thought I might let down my guard with had ended up falling for my roommate. I didn't even think I could say anything about it. That was how things were in college. We weren't serious yet, and she was cuter and bubblier than me.
For the remainder of college, my sex life had been limited to kisses and foreplay. After that, graduate school had swamped me in work. I jumped from there to even more work. I was young in my field and trying to climb the career ladder, so I didn't have time for dating. I didn’t meet many people outside of work, and having a fling or even dating a coworker was out of the question because I needed to keep the respect of my colleagues.
Heat climbed up my neck and into my cheeks—again. I was going to proposition Ian and suggest he help me solve my problem. I'd probably never see him again even though I'd moved back to Boston. According to Thea, he was so busy with work she rarely saw him. It was perfect. I trusted him. I knew not to have any romantic expectations, and I would finally rid myself of that pesky issue.
I grabbed my purse and left my room, the heels of my boots echoing on the hardwood floor as I walked through the hallway and down the stairs. Ian was waiting by the door. He didn't look up right away, and I paused, glancing down. He had his phone in his hand and was looking at something. His dark hair caught glints from the chandelier in the entryway. One foot was crossed over the other at the ankles as he slouched casually against the wall. He wasn't doing much of anything, yet he was still so fucking sexy.
My eyes traveled over his muscled shoulders, the dark hair dusting his forearms and up to the clean lines of his features. My belly did a shimmy and a flip. I started walking down the stairs, and his gaze lifted. When our eyes caught, my belly did another flip. He pushed away from the wall, sliding his phone into the inside pocket of his jacket. He was silent as I stepped off the bottom stair and crossed over to reach for my jacket hanging on the coat rack.
“My SUV’s warming up,” he commented.
The mere sound of his voice sent a shiver down my spine. Turning, I nodded and hoped my cheeks weren’t too pink. “Good. I hate getting into a cold car. I forgot about that this morning before I left.”
His teeth flashed with his smile. “I suppose it's not that cold out in Seattle.”
I slipped into my jacket. “It's rainy, but the winters definitely aren't like they are here. I imagine they're not too cold in DC either.”
“Definitely not.” He held the door for me.
I felt his presence behind me as he closed and locked it. I didn't know what to think when he paused by his SUV and opened the passenger door for me. “Thank you,” I murmured.
He simply dipped his chin in acknowledgment as he closed the door, waiting until I buckled my seat belt.
Moments later, he was driving through the early evening. The snow had finally stopped, and stars were glittering in the darkness through the passing clouds. I looked out the window, watching as we passed by homes with holiday lights twinkling. “It feels so familiar,” I whispered, not even meaning to speak aloud.
“It does, doesn't it? It’s weird how you can be gone for so long and come back, and the feeling snaps into place.”
I glanced toward him, and my breath hitched in my throat. His wrist was resting on the edge of the steering wheel with his hand dangling. Something was so simple and confident about the flexion of his forearm as he steered around a small curve in the road. His profile in the dim lights from outside was etched in shadow. The stark cheekbones, his strong, square jaw.
Ian was familiar to me too, yet this feeling he produced wasn't. Not at all. Back in high school, he’d been Thea’s annoying older brother. Of course, I thought he was handsome. Just like all the girls, well, except for Thea. Back then, his presence and popularity poked at my insecurities too sharply.
“How long were you away before you came back?” I heard myself asking.
His eyes slid sideways, catching mine. The collision felt like metal striking pavement as sparks flew in the air between us.
“Years.” He looked back to the road, shifting his hand onto the steering wheel and appearing to count with his fingers. “Five.”
“What was that like for you?” I asked, referencing the skid of their father into fraud and jail after their mother passed away. Somehow, I knew I didn’t need to clarify.
His gaze flicked to mine again as he came to a stop. “Strange. Things were really stressful as I'm sure you heard from Thea.”
“I heard a little. She didn't talk about it much.”
He looked back toward the road, the sound of his blinker loud in the SUV as he turned. “I suppose she wouldn't. None of us did. It was difficult and embarrassing. I'm just grateful our mom wasn't here then. I miss her, and I wish she was still here, but that would have been devastating for her.”
My heart twisted with a sharp ache. While I’d rarely seen their father in the time I spent with Thea, I knew he’d been cold and distant. But their mother had been warm and kind and everything you’d want in a mother.
“It would have. I'm sure you miss your mother.”
