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“Awesome.”
I glance at Payton. She’s staring out the window and chewing on her thumbnail, her expression painted with worry.
“What about you, Pay? You down for taking a little cruise downtown?”
She blinks her attention away from the window and glares at me. “I’m not going anywhere.” She hits the back of the passenger seat. “Let me out.”
Londyn and I trade a look, and then I give a discreet nod, silently saying,go ahead; let her out.
While I wanted the house to be empty when I pick the lock to Dad’s bedroom, I’m not about to try to force Payton to go with them if she doesn’t want to.
Frowning, Londyn climbs out then flips the seat forward. Payton climbs out, snatches her bag from off the seat, and stomps inside, slamming the door.
Sighing, I get out of the car and dig out what little cash I have in my bag, a reminder of another problem I need to deal with.
My sisters and I have part-time jobs, but none of them pay that great. I need to get some more cash flow but have no idea how to when we have to attend school.
“You sure you’re okay with dealing with her?” Londyn asks as she meets me in front of the car.
I glance at the house as music gets cranked up from inside. “Yeah, I’ll be fine.” I hand Londyn the cash. “Just get me some fries. I’m not that hungry.”
She frowns as she stuffs the cash into the pocket of her hoodie. “Had, you need to eat. If you don’t have enough money, I can chip in.”
“It’s not about the money. I’m honestly not feeling that great.” The partial truth.
All this worry is making my stomach churn.
She releases a heavy sigh. “Fine, but if you change your mind and want us to get you a burger or something, just text me.”
I give her a salute. “Yes, boss.”
She shakes her head, a smile tugging at her lips. And for a second, I don’t feel like a total failure.
Of course, when I step into the house, that’s a whole other story.
The place is a mess; garbage covers the counters, the dishes are in desperate need of washing, someone tracked mud all over the floor, and the garbage can is overflowing. Plus, the place reeks of banana peels and rotten eggs, and if I opened the fridge, I’d find very little food inside.
I frown at the mess. I really need to clean. And shop for food. And find a way to earn more money.
As the reality of everything hits me, I lose my breath, as if something is crushing my chest. My vision starts to spot and the room spins, as if I’m about to pass out.
“Just breathe, baby girl,” Mom whispers as she smooths her hand up and down my back. “You just need to breathe through the worry.”
“I can’t, Mom,” I whisper as I breathe unevenly. “It’s too much … My mind won’t turn off.”
She brushes my hair out of my face and looks at me with eyes that are so much like mine. “Whenever that happens, all you need to do is remember that the panic will eventually go away. And until it does, just breathe. Breathe through the pain and the worry.”
I blink away from the memory and peer around in confusion.
I’m no longer in the kitchen but up in my room, sitting on the bed, and I have no freakin’ idea how I got here.
“Holy crap,” I whisper. “I really am losing my mind.”
And this isn’t the first time this has happened. There’s a giant hole in my mind of forgotten memories that have slowly started to surface over the last couple of weeks. I even remembered an older memory where I swore I heard Blaise’s voice, but he swears he’s never met me before. He did say he would ask around and see if his dad held me for a bit because of my father’s debt. He hasn’t said anything to me about it, though, so I assume he hasn’t found out anything yet.
I make a mental note to ask him about it. Then I lie down on the bed with foggy memories swirling in my mind.
The more I remember, the more I realize I’ve forgotten a lot of things over the years. It makes me wonder just how much of my life I can actually remember.
